• Cyburbia is a friendly big tent, where we share our experiences and thoughts about urban planning practice, the built environment, planning adjacent topics, and anything else that comes to mind. No ads, no spam, and it's free. It's easy to join!

NEVERENDING ♾️ The NEVERENDING Raising Children Thread

I got back into acquiring neat Hot Wheels and Matchbox cars. Thankfully, they don't take up too much space.

My boys are not terribly interested in my collection…for now.
 
I wish I had my hot wheels collection back & my brothers corgi toys cars. Mom gave them away when they moved.
 
mendelman said:
I'm glad one son is only in marching band and another is in debate club and scholastic bowl (aka quiz bowl) club which are at the high school.

Also, our high school is easy walking distance from our house.
Click to expand...

Over the past couple of years my wife and I were casually looking at houses closer to our elementary school because we like that neighborhood and we liked the idea of our youngest being able to walk to school for the years she would have had left there.

We currently live a few blocks from our high school and our oldest is now a freshman and she does so many after school activities (marching band, jazz band, book club, film club, feminist club, Model UN, a knitting club, drama/musical, and probably a few others I am forgetting) that there's no way I'd now move to a neighborhood not within walking distance of the high school unless we got a screaming deal or it was one of our dream houses in the area.
 
Yesterday I spent 3 hours helping Itty Bitty with 1-page of math homework. :( I understood it but Itty Bitty was having trouble.
 
bureaucrat#3 said:
With that mix of clubs, she can just skip college. She'll already be enlightened/liberally indoctrinated.
Click to expand...

That would definitely save me some money! :rofl:

FWIW, she also has an AP class for her first two hours of the day called "Flex" which is a combination of English (or language arts or rhetoric or whatever it's called these days) and social studies and is taught almost entirely in seminar form and includes kids from all grades, 9th through 12th (the kids who sign up for it freshman year, generally keep taking it every year). It's actually a really cool sounding class and she loves it but she says the kids in there are sort of labeled as the hippie kids or the "liberals" so maybe that's pretty fitting.
 
WSU MUP Student said:
That would definitely save me some money! :rofl:

FWIW, she also has an AP class for her first two hours of the day called "Flex" which is a combination of English (or language arts or rhetoric or whatever it's called these days) and social studies and is taught almost entirely in seminar form and includes kids from all grades, 9th through 12th (the kids who sign up for it freshman year, generally keep taking it every year). It's actually a really cool sounding class and she loves it but she says the kids in there are sort of labeled as the hippie kids or the "liberals" so maybe that's pretty fitting.
Click to expand...
I hope she wears that hippie/liberal badge proudly!!
bart simpson GIF
 
mendelman said:
I got back into acquiring neat Hot Wheels and Matchbox cars. Thankfully, they don't take up too much space.

My boys are not terribly interested in my collection…for now.
Click to expand...
I buy interesting ones "for my son" when I see them. Collectors tend to hose out the Target near me as fast as the cars come in, but little indie grocery stores and pharmacies in rural towns around us tend to have good stuff from time to time.
 
Whose Yur Planner said:
Sadly that is true.
Click to expand...

I am not sure. Internet memes and related nostalgia pics do tap into a seemingly vein of truth of how things used to be. However, times are always changing, so, to me, it feels like there is some inherent dishonesty about how those things get shared and perpetuated. For example, a facebook connection of mine, about ten years older than me, posted nostalgia pics about how busy neighborhoods used to be with gobs of children playing all over. I replied and pointed about that when she played with friends in the neighborhood, which would have been the 1970s (because she was born in the late 1960s), the average family size in the U.S. began a noticeable decline between 1970 and 1980 (Census data show this), and continues to decline to this day. Smaller families beget neighborhoods with fewer children playing in the street. That's an unavoidable demographic trend, and no amount of nostalgia can change that.

Back to the picture posted by JNA. The 1980 drawing, to my eyes, is a clear misrepresentation of the era. The video game home console was a thing. These were popular and were played indoors. I clearly remember my dad telling me we are getting an Atari 2600 because he is concerned for our safety outdoors. And along those lines, the Satanic Panic of that era was indeed real. As was the local 6:00 pm newscasts in October that constantly reminded parents to check kids candy for razors and other dangers at Halloween. And then there were the missing kids on milk cartoons. Together, this cultural dread of the seemingly dangerous "other" just down the street, did spook many Americans into reigning in the free range tendencies of children living in the 1980s.

The 2024 representation doesn't seem right to me either. Perhaps I have blinders on and can only see my own reality with raising my own child, but to me, organized school sports and other outdoor group activities seems to mediate some of that seemingly isolating screentime. Also, I do make clear intentional choices for family activities, and we like to go hiking and do downhill skiing together. At times, the time "diet" of the child doesn't feel balanced, but at the end of the day, I clearly remember burning time watching the Price is Right in the mornings during summers off from school and playing too much Pitfall on the 2600 with my brother and our friends. I believe most of us on this board are privileged and educated enough to know that we can make the "right" choices for our families, and I point that out only to be able to say out loud that it feels like we're looking down our noses and telling other people that they are "bad" for making the "wrong" choices, and when we post nostalgia pics like that, we seem to perpetuate some kind of funky elitism. Which is to say, it feels smug and judgy and seems to be a weird form of virtue signaling to make one feel superior about the choices that they have been fortunate enough to think about and have been able to act accordingly. Though not everybody has that luxury. I'm not saying you shouldn't have an opinion about the apparent over use of screen time for youths, but those nostalgia pics do miss the mark for me.
 
Wannaplan? said:
I am not sure. Internet memes and related nostalgia pics do tap into a seemingly vein of truth of how things used to be. However, times are always changing, so, to me, it feels like there is some inherent dishonesty about how those things get shared and perpetuated. For example, a facebook connection of mine, about ten years older than me, posted nostalgia pics about how busy neighborhoods used to be with gobs of children playing all over. I replied and pointed about that when she played with friends in the neighborhood, which would have been the 1970s (because she was born in the late 1960s), the average family size in the U.S. began a noticeable decline between 1970 and 1980 (Census data show this), and continues to decline to this day. Smaller families beget neighborhoods with fewer children playing in the street. That's an unavoidable demographic trend, and no amount of nostalgia can change that.

Back to the picture posted by JNA. The 1980 drawing, to my eyes, is a clear misrepresentation of the era. The video game home console was a thing. These were popular and were played indoors. I clearly remember my dad telling me we are getting an Atari 2600 because he is concerned for our safety outdoors. And along those lines, the Satanic Panic of that era was indeed real. As was the local 6:00 pm newscasts in October that constantly reminded parents to check kids candy for razors and other dangers at Halloween. And then there were the missing kids on milk cartoons. Together, this cultural dread of the seemingly dangerous "other" just down the street, did spook many Americans into reigning in the free range tendencies of children living in the 1980s.

The 2024 representation doesn't seem right to me either. Perhaps I have blinders on and can only see my own reality with raising my own child, but to me, organized school sports and other outdoor group activities seems to mediate some of that seemingly isolating screentime. Also, I do make clear intentional choices for family activities, and we like to go hiking and do downhill skiing together. At times, the time "diet" of the child doesn't feel balanced, but at the end of the day, I clearly remember burning time watching the Price is Right in the mornings during summers off from school and playing too much Pitfall on the 2600 with my brother and our friends. I believe most of us on this board are privileged and educated enough to know that we can make the "right" choices for our families, and I point that out only to be able to say out loud that it feels like we're looking down our noses and telling other people that they are "bad" for making the "wrong" choices, and when we post nostalgia pics like that, we seem to perpetuate some kind of funky elitism. Which is to say, it feels smug and judgy and seems to be a weird form of virtue signaling to make one feel superior about the choices that they have been fortunate enough to think about and have been able to act accordingly. Though not everybody has that luxury. I'm not saying you shouldn't have an opinion about the apparent over use of screen time for youths, but those nostalgia pics do miss the mark for me.
Click to expand...
Well said.

If people think young kids aren't outside playing they clearly aren't in areas with young kids. Yes my kids spent way more time on their phones than I did, but I didn't have one. And I probably spent way more time playing video games and watching TV than they did.

I think we're just hardwired to think the past was better.
 
Wannaplan? said:
I am not sure. Internet memes and related nostalgia pics do tap into a seemingly vein of truth of how things used to be. However, times are always changing, so, to me, it feels like there is some inherent dishonesty about how those things get shared and perpetuated. For example, a facebook connection of mine, about ten years older than me, posted nostalgia pics about how busy neighborhoods used to be with gobs of children playing all over. I replied and pointed about that when she played with friends in the neighborhood, which would have been the 1970s (because she was born in the late 1960s), the average family size in the U.S. began a noticeable decline between 1970 and 1980 (Census data show this), and continues to decline to this day. Smaller families beget neighborhoods with fewer children playing in the street. That's an unavoidable demographic trend, and no amount of nostalgia can change that.

Back to the picture posted by JNA. The 1980 drawing, to my eyes, is a clear misrepresentation of the era. The video game home console was a thing. These were popular and were played indoors. I clearly remember my dad telling me we are getting an Atari 2600 because he is concerned for our safety outdoors. And along those lines, the Satanic Panic of that era was indeed real. As was the local 6:00 pm newscasts in October that constantly reminded parents to check kids candy for razors and other dangers at Halloween. And then there were the missing kids on milk cartoons. Together, this cultural dread of the seemingly dangerous "other" just down the street, did spook many Americans into reigning in the free range tendencies of children living in the 1980s.

The 2024 representation doesn't seem right to me either. Perhaps I have blinders on and can only see my own reality with raising my own child, but to me, organized school sports and other outdoor group activities seems to mediate some of that seemingly isolating screentime. Also, I do make clear intentional choices for family activities, and we like to go hiking and do downhill skiing together. At times, the time "diet" of the child doesn't feel balanced, but at the end of the day, I clearly remember burning time watching the Price is Right in the mornings during summers off from school and playing too much Pitfall on the 2600 with my brother and our friends. I believe most of us on this board are privileged and educated enough to know that we can make the "right" choices for our families, and I point that out only to be able to say out loud that it feels like we're looking down our noses and telling other people that they are "bad" for making the "wrong" choices, and when we post nostalgia pics like that, we seem to perpetuate some kind of funky elitism. Which is to say, it feels smug and judgy and seems to be a weird form of virtue signaling to make one feel superior about the choices that they have been fortunate enough to think about and have been able to act accordingly. Though not everybody has that luxury. I'm not saying you shouldn't have an opinion about the apparent over use of screen time for youths, but those nostalgia pics do miss the mark for me.
Click to expand...
btrage said:
Well said.

If people think young kids aren't outside playing they clearly aren't in areas with young kids. Yes my kids spent way more time on their phones than I did, but I didn't have one. And I probably spent way more time playing video games and watching TV than they did.

I think we're just hardwired to think the past was better.
Click to expand...
I agree with you both.

Lots of 'indoor' kids have amazing lives and know a lot about life and lots of 'free range outdoor' kids got into a lot of disrespectable shenanigans and/or criminality.

As with most things in life, your mileage may vary.
 
The situation for me was a bit different. I wasn't from where I graduated HS. My dad moved us so he could become a cop. Plus, I had a pretty good South Chicago/Northwest Indiana accent. It took speech and debate to scrub it. I was an outsider, especially in HS.

Most people have rose colored glasses when looking at the past. That is normal.

That being said, I did grow up in subdivisions. In the 70s and 80s. There were still stay at homes moms and there was always eyes on the kids. Free range kids were a thing. I was one of them. We rode our bikes, played in empty lots, played pond hockey.
 
Whose Yur Planner said:
The situation for me was a bit different. I wasn't from where I graduated HS. My dad moved us so he could become a cop. Plus, I had a pretty good South Chicago/Northwest Indiana accent. It took speech and debate to scrub it. I was an outsider, especially in HS.

Most people have rose colored glasses when looking at the past. That is normal.

That being said, I did grow up in subdivisions. In the 70s and 80s. There were still stay at homes moms and there was always eyes on the kids. Free range kids were a thing. I was one of them. We rode our bikes, played in empty lots, played pond hockey.
Click to expand...
This scrubbing of accents has to stop!

I inspected housing developments for my former job. I seldom, almost never, saw kids playing outside during the day.
 
kms said:
This scrubbing of accents has to stop!

I inspected housing developments for my former job. I seldom, almost never, saw kids playing outside during the day.
Click to expand...
I didn't mind though I sounded like Walter Conkrite for years afterward. Even now my accent is very neutral with hints of Southern. The old accent will pop out, depending on the word and how tired I am. If I'm around my family for too long, it will come out.
 
I have 2 young kids, 4 and 8. and am realizing I'm not cut out to have kids. It's weird to see and hear about how other people enjoy their kids while mostly I feel obligation towards them.

As always doesn't help that it's a time of year I hate.
 
donk said:
I have 2 young kids, 4 and 8. and am realizing I'm not cut out to have kids. It's weird to see and hear about how other people enjoy their kids while mostly I feel obligation towards them.

As always doesn't help that it's a time of year I hate.
Click to expand...

I feel it with you, man, you are not alone. For me, it’s the mother in law always angling to supplant my parental authority over the teenager with her own overbearing anachronistic parenting ideas. I raise a glass to you for your dedication for the job you do as a parent and I salute you for your honesty and heart.
 
I got to see my daughter and grand daughter over the holiday. It was a great Christmas. I may not have intended to be a parent, but I'm glad it happened. I love my daughter and grand daughter dearly. I needed to grow up in my mid 30's. I have ex to thank for that.
 
I was observing recently that, decades ago, it was respectful to call your parents "sir" and "ma'am." Nowadays, though, that is seen as rude and DISrespectful.

Jim
 
zman said:
Just dropped my 15 year old and his friend at a pizza place... where they are meeting a couple girls for lunch. So, yeah, we are approaching that stage now.
Click to expand...
Good luck my friend. I've got one that's 18 and can't keep a stable relationship because she always wants something else and the other at 16 who only has had a couple boyfriends because she has super high standards.
 
btrage said:
None of us are. We just wing it and figure it out along the way.
Click to expand...
As per mike tyson, everyone has a plan until they get hit.

I'm winging it like sully crashing into the Hudson. Trying to survive and minimize loss if life. By life I mean keeping my sanity and having kids that can function.
 
mendelman said:
I got back into acquiring neat Hot Wheels and Matchbox cars. Thankfully, they don't take up too much space.

My boys are not terribly interested in my collection…for now.
Click to expand...
My two younger kids are really into legos. I can't get over how expensive they have become.
 
michaelskis said:
legos
Click to expand...

In anticipation of the Force Awakens, Santa got my kid a fully built Star Wars Death Star in 2015, took some planning, started building it after Labor Day, about an hour each night after bedtime. Got it done just in time! Soon thereafter, the price of the toy jumped up by 25%. Probably a top ten dad moment in my life.
 
michaelskis said:
My two younger kids are really into legos. I can't get over how expensive they have become.
Click to expand...

Yes, there are some massive and expensive LEGO sets, but really, I think they've held their prices below inflation pretty well. When I was a kid, most of my allowance money would go towards LEGO sets. I can distinctly recall having to save up for a few weeks to get the ~$20 needed to buy this set (currently $350 on eBay :omg:):

1736256495503.png


These days, a similarly-sized Minecraft set (because sadly Minecraft is now a lot more popular than the castle/medieval sets I loved as a kid) run between $20 and $30. I think the biggest difference these days is that there is just a lot larger selection. We didn't have the option to even dream about a $650 Venator-Class Republic Attack Cruiser, a $300 Great Deku Tree from the Legend of Zelda, or a $180 Lamborghini Countach 5000!

There are still plenty of "more affordable" sets under $50, it's just that there are so many more sets now at the top of the price spectrum too.

As an adult who still probably spends way too much of his disposable income on LEGO sets, I will say that whenever you are searching for a set it's important to compare prices between LEGO.com (or a LEGO store if you have one nearby), Amazon, Target, Wal-Mart, and basically every other retailer as I've noticed that prices can vary quite a bit, especially for non-licensed sets (so things that aren't Star Wars or Harry Potter or X-Men or whatever themed). I don't have a Costco membership but I have the next best thing: a friend who looks at the LEGO sets every time he's there and grabs a couple that he thinks I'll like whenever they get to stupid low closeout prices, which seems to happen a lot at Costco - most recently, he picked me up this set for me back in November when Costco had it marked down to $40.
 
WSU MUP Student said:
Amazon, Target, Wal-Mart, and basically every other retailer… Costco
Click to expand...

I will add that Barnes & Noble is also a great way to find Lego, and if you are a member of their rewards program, your purchase gets a 10% discount, and if you get stamps, then the $5, $10, etc you’ve banked in additional rewards are redeemable. That Lego van Gogh Starry Night set you’ve been thinking was too much at $170 instantly becomes $153 at checkout, and with your stamps, it might set you back $138. Not a bad deal from a bookstore! And you can do all that saving in-store or online. I love Barnes & Noble!
 
WSU MUP Student said:
Yes, there are some massive and expensive LEGO sets, but really, I think they've held their prices below inflation pretty well. When I was a kid, most of my allowance money would go towards LEGO sets. I can distinctly recall having to save up for a few weeks to get the ~$20 needed to buy this set (currently $350 on eBay :omg:):

View attachment 64108

These days, a similarly-sized Minecraft set (because sadly Minecraft is now a lot more popular than the castle/medieval sets I loved as a kid) run between $20 and $30. I think the biggest difference these days is that there is just a lot larger selection. We didn't have the option to even dream about a $650 Venator-Class Republic Attack Cruiser, a $300 Great Deku Tree from the Legend of Zelda, or a $180 Lamborghini Countach 5000!

There are still plenty of "more affordable" sets under $50, it's just that there are so many more sets now at the top of the price spectrum too.

As an adult who still probably spends way too much of his disposable income on LEGO sets, I will say that whenever you are searching for a set it's important to compare prices between LEGO.com (or a LEGO store if you have one nearby), Amazon, Target, Wal-Mart, and basically every other retailer as I've noticed that prices can vary quite a bit, especially for non-licensed sets (so things that aren't Star Wars or Harry Potter or X-Men or whatever themed). I don't have a Costco membership but I have the next best thing: a friend who looks at the LEGO sets every time he's there and grabs a couple that he thinks I'll like whenever they get to stupid low closeout prices, which seems to happen a lot at Costco - most recently, he picked me up this set for me back in November when Costco had it marked down to $40.
Click to expand...
I loved the Robinhood/Woodsmen Legos. I only had a couple of the smaller ones and few of the knights.
 
Wannaplan? said:
I will add that Barnes & Noble is also a great way to find Lego, and if you are a member of their rewards program, your purchase gets a 10% discount, and if you get stamps, then the $5, $10, etc you’ve banked in additional rewards are redeemable. That Lego van Gogh Starry Night set you’ve been thinking was too much at $170 instantly becomes $153 at checkout, and with your stamps, it might set you back $138. Not a bad deal from a bookstore! And you can do all that saving in-store or online. I love Barnes & Noble!
Click to expand...

I actually meant to include B&N in that list... My wife took our daughters there on Friday to spend some gift card $$$$ they got for the holidays and our youngest found a Minecraft set there that was $25 but with my wife's member rewards and some other discount, she said it came out to about $17. My daughter was psyched because that meant she has a lot more left on her gift card than she was expecting... we were peeved because it means that she has an excuse to bug us to drive her back to Barnes & Noble sometime!
 
Last edited:
mendelman said:
That's because Lego is now able to sell to the children's and the adults-with-adult-money-who-can-and-will-buy-what-they-want-and-what-they-always-wanted-and what-they-don't-even-know-they-want-yet markets.

Also see: Video Game industry

:smirk:
Click to expand...
You know, I've never seen a hearse with luggage racks.
 
Gedunker said:
You know, I've never seen a hearse with luggage racks.
Click to expand...
Well...I think I've seen such racks for hauling stuff into the afterlife (see: ancient Pharaoh tombs and Qin Shi Huang's (first emperor of China) Terracotta Army).

Now, after death, our family gets to deal with all our stuff...so make sure to have 'good' stuff left for them to deal with.

t2962mryk8s91.jpg
 
Last edited:
Queen B said:
Let's talk about teens. AARRGGHHH!

I understand how to deal with them when they are screaming and angry but I have no clue what do with apathy.

My example:
15 yr old got an invitation to go to the theatre out of town...
Click to expand...

Just think, this young lady is in her 30s now. The internet is weird.
 
Wannaplan? said:
I am not sure. Internet memes and related nostalgia pics do tap into a seemingly vein of truth of how things used to be. However, times are always changing, so, to me, it feels like there is some inherent dishonesty about how those things get shared and perpetuated.
Click to expand...

1. The good ol' days weren't always good and tomorrow ain't as bad as it seems. -Billy Joel

2. In a forward in a copy of a translation of The Odyssey (I believe), there was a discussion about the birth of writing down narratives. Apparently back in that time, writing anything down other than contractual things (like numbers of sheep to be sold for X amount of coins) was considered intellectually dishonest. If you want to be able to recite The Odyssey, memorize it. Don't be lazy and depend on writing to know what's in the story. With the original written copies of the story, that was pretty much the attitude of the establishment. Yet within about a generation, written records of literature became the norm. I feel like we're at a similar inflection point in the culture of knowledge. Now with the internet, it's no longer required to know things, just how to find the knowledge. Naturally the establishment looks down its nose at this approach, but really, it's the future. I knew very little about kitchen remodels last year before I consulted the University of YouTube.

I would say it's a similar situation with social interactions. Just because people interact online more does not negate the validity of those interactions.
 
JNA said:
View attachment 63692
Click to expand...
Sad, but true. My childhood as I define it from when I started kindergarten in 1976 was filled with playing outdoors. Capture the flag, kick the can, baseball or football, riding bikes to wherever it would take us, playing the woods nearby, fishing at the lake, sledding 400 feet down the hill on to the lake in the winter. Attributed to lack of electronic entertainment at that time. Sure, Atari 2600 was coming on and had other physical toys, but they were not the draw to stay indoors. My childhood was endless hours spent roaming the area in the photo below (the darker area and west of the north/south road). Interesting that the extent of our play area ended with some sort of park. My childhood home is pinned - 1/2 lot suburbia.
acre
1736278031857.png
 
My wife and 21 year old daughter got into an argument last night that did not end well.

I think both of them were coming at the issue wrong and are both at fault to some degree. I stay out of it because I think my wife is too hard on her about certain things, but at the same time my daughter does make some stupid decisions, largely about how she spends her money. Anything I say will only make it worse.

Tough spot to be in for sure because I feel for both of them :disoriented:
 
btrage said:
My wife and 21 year old daughter got into an argument last night that did not end well.

I think both of them were coming at the issue wrong and are both at fault to some degree. I stay out of it because I think my wife is too hard on her about certain things, but at the same time my daughter does make some stupid decisions, largely about how she spends her money. Anything I say will only make it worse.

Tough spot to be in for sure because I feel for both of them :disoriented:
Click to expand...
Two questions:
  • Is this the daughter's own money?
  • Is this daughter a fully-on-her own adult?
These questions help clarify a rational position and adult reaction, in my opinion.
 
btrage said:
My wife and 21 year old daughter got into an argument last night that did not end well.

I think both of them were coming at the issue wrong and are both at fault to some degree. I stay out of it because I think my wife is too hard on her about certain things, but at the same time my daughter does make some stupid decisions, largely about how she spends her money. Anything I say will only make it worse.

Tough spot to be in for sure because I feel for both of them :disoriented:
Click to expand...
Those are some of the worst spots to be in. It's a fine line to not being supportive of someone. I always tried to mediate where I could and make sure no one said anything they would regret long term.

Sometimes though they need a little time and space to cool down. It's tough with kids becoming adults. They are going to do stupid things and parents can't force them to do what we want.
 
mendelman said:
Two questions:
  • Is this the daughter's own money?
  • Is this daughter a fully-on-her own adult?
These questions help clarify a rational position and adult reaction, in my opinion.
Click to expand...
1. Mostly her own, but also some of ours. As in she'll buy apps on her phone that get charged to our card, or use the credit card we gave her for non-essentials. She does pay towards car insurance for the car she uses (which is ours and fully paid off) and for her phone.
2. She is not fully on her own. Still lives at home and commutes to college, where she has one year left. We pay for 95% of her college.

She's a great kid (yes I still think she's a kid at 21), does good in college, coaches volleyball and does not spend her time partying. She just wants to be treated like an adult (mentions wanting to move out) but doesn't always make adult decisions, so when we get frustrated with her and she wants to talk about why, it ends up going bad.

Honestly, she probably does need to get away from us and move out. I'll admit we've spoiled our daughters over the years, so I'm sure we're partly to blame.
 
Last edited:
btrage said:
1. Mostly her own, but also some of ours. As in she'll buy apps on her phone that get charged to our card, or use the credit card we gave her for non-essentials. She does pay towards car insurance for the car she uses (which is ours and fully paid off) and for her phone.
2. She is not fully on her own. Still lives at home and commutes to college, where she has one year left. We pay for 95% of her college.

She's a great kid (yes I still think she's a kid at 21), does good in college, coaches volleyball and does not spend her time partying. She just wants to be treated like an adult (mentions wanting to move out) but doesn't always make adult decisions, so when we get frustrated with her and she wants to talk about why, it ends up going bad.

Honestly, she probably does needs to get away from us and move out. I'll admit we've spoiled our daughters over the years, so I'm sure we're partly to blame.
Click to expand...
Got it.

Then you and your wife certainly do have the right to address many things.

When I was effectively her age and in her position with my parents, I understood and accepted (re)direction from my parents.

Though, I didn't have a smart phone and credit card under my parents' name or at all, so...

Seth Meyers Omg GIF by Late Night with Seth Meyers
 
btrage said:
My wife and 21 year old daughter got into an argument last night that did not end well.

I think both of them were coming at the issue wrong and are both at fault to some degree. I stay out of it because I think my wife is too hard on her about certain things, but at the same time my daughter does make some stupid decisions, largely about how she spends her money. Anything I say will only make it worse.

Tough spot to be in for sure because I feel for both of them :disoriented:
Click to expand...
Been there many times with my own wife and daughter. Mine moved out at 18 and is living on her own now. Still makes stupid decisions, especially with money like choosing to go to some concert and suffering when her phone breaks and she can't afford to fix it. All I can do is provide advice and some groceries or a walmart gift card once in a while.
 
Back
Top