-
Cyburbia is a friendly big tent, where we share our experiences and thoughts about urban planning practice, the built environment, planning adjacent topics, and anything else that comes to mind. No ads, no spam, and it's free. It's easy to join!
NEVERENDING ♾️ The NEVERENDING Raising Children Thread
- Thread starter Queen B
- Start date
bureaucrat#3
Member
- Messages
- 1,620
- Points
- 42
We've been slowly letting our daughter start to fail at things. She's very bright, but has almost no attention span and zones out easily. Last year instead of going through the checklist of things she needs to pack for school, we'd ask generally if she had what she needed or just let her know its time to go. A couple of days she wound up forgetting homework, lunch, rain jacket, brushing her hair, and other essentials. For the most part it hasn't phased her yet. She'll start the 4th grade so I'm hoping a rise in consequences will start to catch her attention. The teachers have noticed this, but because she's so reserved and very sweet no one seems to really seems to worry about adhd.Welp...good time to learn a valuable lesson on preparation. She's at the age now where she needs to start figuring it out herself.
This begins you and your wife's slow letting go of managing her and her learning the starting lessons of running one's adult life.
The same daughter had her two best friends move away last year. One back to Wisconsin and the other about an hour away in GA (so not that far). The girls and their families were all extremely friendly, welcoming and interesting people. We had actually started to develop friendships with the parents. I was saddened when the first one moved during the year, but it was rough when the second family announced at the end of the year. My daughter's had a good summer and a rescued kitten has taken some of the sting off. She's trying to keep up with both girls as pen pals, so we'll see how long that goes.
dandy_warhol
Cyburbian
- Messages
- 13,531
- Points
- 60
Just spent 80€ on school supplies, not including the new laptop we have to buy. 😳
- Messages
- 14,241
- Points
- 60
This is my youngest child. It is an exercise in patience. I remind her once or twice about various things and then the consequences are on her.
I told her if she enjoyed being cold or wet she could skip the jacket. The lunch I would drop off since we live across the street from the elementary school. When she started middle school I told her I’d set up a lunch account for her but if she wanted to take her own lunch she was responsible for packing it. She mostly buys lunch now. 7th grade did not start out well with the homework, she pulled it together once she figured out that I will not be writing notes or emailing teachers and that homework is a good chunk of the grade even if she was acing tests.
After a certain grade level, I stopped making my kids do homework. I'd remind them that it's ok if they didn't want to to do it, but they'd have to answer to their teachers, not me. I stopped taking forgotten homework to school.
They also learned to to their own laundry in 4th grade.
SlaveToTheGrind
Cyburbian
- Messages
- 4,797
- Points
- 53
Always a treat to see what the 18 y.o. has left in the sink from the night before. Empty dishwasher is within a two-year old's arms reach. Mrs. started at 7 today (WFH for me) so she was up earlier than I. Texted me to not be shocked at the sink contents and that the boy used two sticks of butter for something. He's asleep so my curiosity must wait. And I see nothing in the fridge that would indicate what he made.
MacheteJames
Cyburbian
- Messages
- 1,338
- Points
- 37
I'm taking my boy camping for the first time ever this weekend via Cub Scouts. I myself haven't camped in 20+ years. I like civilization and am not super outdoorsy, but I want him to have the experience. Any of you ever take a third grader camping before? He will have to somehow survive without his Nintendo Switch and Fortnite for 24 hours.
- Messages
- 14,241
- Points
- 60
Yes. You’ll both be fine.
- Messages
- 23,364
- Points
- 72
- Messages
- 37,973
- Points
- 78
Yeah, I remember taking Junior 'camping' with the Cub Scouts. Because it was raining, they ended up sleeping inside a building in the zoo. A kid called Kenny ate like four Subway sandwiches that evening and beefed in his sleeping bag that night, sending a vomit-scented miasmic plume into the confines of that relatively small room. Dad removed Kenny immediately, but the scent lingered for the rest of the night. Sadly, Kenny's sleeping bag was next to Junior's and even though there was no spew on his sleeping bag, it still stunk of puke for days afterwards. Thereafter, the family euphemism for vomiting became "pulling a Kenny".
bureaucrat#3
Member
- Messages
- 1,620
- Points
- 42
How's your back?
MacheteJames
Cyburbian
- Messages
- 1,338
- Points
- 37
Wrecked - I felt like an 80 year old when we got back (and still now, at the office).
Still had a blast though. He loved it so much that he slept in his sleeping bag last night, in his room.
bureaucrat#3
Member
- Messages
- 1,620
- Points
- 42
After spending tons of time in the woods from 15-35, I stopped most hiking after kids. Never could get either daughter into it. We wound up camping a couple of nights last year. Had a great time, but my back was sore for a week. Dropping 50 lbs would probably help me.
Glad you had a good time and may have inspired a passion.
- Messages
- 14,241
- Points
- 60
Dropped my youngest off at summer camp on Sunday. Based on the daily photo upload she looks like she’s having a great time. I appreciate the two week detox from electronics for her. This is her 4th summer at camp and it was great to hear counselors and campers alike shouting her name. She sometimes struggles socially at school but this is clearly a welcoming space for her.
WSU MUP Student
Cyburbian
- Messages
- 14,147
- Points
- 59
I'm taking Thursday off from work to take our 14-year-old to Cedar Point so we can ride some rides. Well, so she can ride some rides without me because we're also taking her boyfriend and she'd rather go on rides with him.
I don't know what I'm more concerned about: her having a boyfriend or her not wanting to ride rides with me anymore.
I did invite a friend of mine to come along (my wife doesn't do roller coasters and our youngest has an arts camp this week so they aren't coming) but it looks like he will be unable to. Oh well... I do plan to for our daughter and her boyfriend to go on at least a couple rides with me, but I'll restrict that to the rides where they have four seats in a row... I'll sit between them.
I don't know what I'm more concerned about: her having a boyfriend or her not wanting to ride rides with me anymore.
I did invite a friend of mine to come along (my wife doesn't do roller coasters and our youngest has an arts camp this week so they aren't coming) but it looks like he will be unable to. Oh well... I do plan to for our daughter and her boyfriend to go on at least a couple rides with me, but I'll restrict that to the rides where they have four seats in a row... I'll sit between them.
- Messages
- 14,241
- Points
- 60
All is not lost. She still needs dad’s taxi service and wallet 😆I'm taking Thursday off from work to take our 14-year-old to Cedar Point so we can ride some rides. Well, so she can ride some rides without me because we're also taking her boyfriend and she'd rather go on rides with him.
I don't know what I'm more concerned about: her having a boyfriend or her not wanting to ride rides with me anymore.
I did invite a friend of mine to come along (my wife doesn't do roller coasters and our youngest has an arts camp this week so they aren't coming) but it looks like he will be unable to. Oh well... I do plan to for our daughter and her boyfriend to go on at least a couple rides with me, but I'll restrict that to the rides where they have four seats in a row... I'll sit between them.
bureaucrat#3
Member
- Messages
- 1,620
- Points
- 42
Pretty soon it will be "Dad can you just drop us off and pick us up later."I'm taking Thursday off from work to take our 14-year-old to Cedar Point so we can ride some rides. Well, so she can ride some rides without me because we're also taking her boyfriend and she'd rather go on rides with him.
I don't know what I'm more concerned about: her having a boyfriend or her not wanting to ride rides with me anymore.
I did invite a friend of mine to come along (my wife doesn't do roller coasters and our youngest has an arts camp this week so they aren't coming) but it looks like he will be unable to. Oh well... I do plan to for our daughter and her boyfriend to go on at least a couple rides with me, but I'll restrict that to the rides where they have four seats in a row... I'll sit between them.
WSU MUP Student
Cyburbian
- Messages
- 14,147
- Points
- 59
Oh we've been to that point for some time.
Occasionally she wants a ride into downtown to meet up with her boyfriend or a group. When I'm feeling generous, I drive her instead of making her walk or ride her bike but a lot of the times I'll use that as an opportunity to run some errands or do something else around downtown and she absolutely hates when we cross paths... but then she's not above asking me for $20 if she happens to see me.
bureaucrat#3
Member
- Messages
- 1,620
- Points
- 42
Oh we've been to that point for some time.
Occasionally she wants a ride into downtown to meet up with her boyfriend or a group. When I'm feeling generous, I drive her instead of making her walk or ride her bike but a lot of the times I'll use that as an opportunity to run some errands or do something else around downtown and she absolutely hates when we cross paths... but then she's not above asking me for $20 if she happens to see me.
You need a hat and fake glasses and nose.
DVD
Cyburbian
- Messages
- 19,940
- Points
- 61
Funny kid and wife story for the day...My kid wanted to go on a date with her boyfriend to this great ice cream place across town. My wife told her all about how she loved going there as a kid. In fact if you see an ice cream store in Family Circus cartoons, that's the Sugar Bowl. Of course the kid needs a parent to come along because she only had a learner's permit. She made the mistake of asking mom. Mom instantly gets the idea of doing a double date. Kid comes to me in desperate need of help to get mom off the idea. I can only do the face palm thing. This is a childhood memory for mom and you are not going to get her out of the idea of going now. Kid should have asked me instead. She knows I would have dropped her off and found a cigar place to wait for her. So I talk mom into all of us going but we walk around downtown and see the cool shops while the kids have their date, then an hour later we can have our date and ice cream and we can each ignore the other party. Wife grumbled the whole time and made it miserable. The best part, when we were done with ice cream and walking around again we see the kid and her date on a bench talking to some bookstore owner. We entirely ignored them as we walked past and she got mad. I can't win with the wife or the kid.
- Messages
- 14,241
- Points
- 60
Picked up the youngest from summer camp yesterday. She was well tanned and dirty. I didn’t tell her that I bought a new car while she was at camp so she was looking for Ruby in the parking lot. When I walked up to Vertie and opened the tailgate she was like YOU GOT A NEW CAR!!! She immediately inspected the rear seat and approved of the heat/ac vent and her own USB ports. Got her home and told her check out the new shower head and enjoy the hot water from the new hot water heater. She emerged clean and said that it was like being pressure washed 😆
She lost her water bottle and one sock, we will call that a win.
She lost her water bottle and one sock, we will call that a win.
WSU MUP Student
Cyburbian
- Messages
- 14,147
- Points
- 59
Our oldest knew we were getting a new roof when she was at horse camp back in June. When we pulled into the driveway on the day we were bringing her back home she said something like, "Oh. That's it? It looks the same. That's boring." She said she didn't really know what she was expecting but sort of thought that the roofline would be changing or that it would at least be some noticeable difference.
My dad would joke with us when we left the house that they were moving while we were gone. 🤣
MacheteJames
Cyburbian
- Messages
- 1,338
- Points
- 37
I haven't experienced the Sunday Scaries in a job in a while - not since my last gig doing municipal work, three years ago. Last night, I felt that familiar dread, but it wasn't for my day job, it was for volunteering for a leadership role in my son's cub scouts pack.
It's no secret that activities like cub scouts aren't what they were in terms of participation. It was on a downslope prior to the pandemic and now it's on life support. The pack I was in as a kid in the late 80s had a few dozen kids in it. My son's pack has a grand total of five. Because it's so small, each parent has to take on a leadership role to meet the chartering expectations of Scouting America, who oversees Boy Scouts and Cub Scouts nationally. I took on the role of committee chair, essentially serving as the pack's bureaucrat in chief (fitting, right?). Chasing down members for dues, keeping the state council happy, convening a monthly parents meeting and running the proceedings, ensuring that folks complete the required training modules, including a rigorous youth protection module given the big lawsuit, and working with the kids directly a bit at meetings, but less than the Cubmaster.
Folks, it is a lot of work. It can feel like an unpaid 8-10 hour a week side hustle at times. There's a lot to know, and a lot to do, especially as we enter the start of the school year, fall recruitment, and popcorn sales (yes, the kids are expected to staff a booth in front of a store and hock popcorn, and the pack gets part of the proceeds.)
My kid got to experience camping for the first time through scouts, and I love what scouts represents from a 'Bowling Alone' perspective, and for him to make it through Webelos and Arrow of Light and then move onto Boy Scouts if he chooses to do so.
I guess my question is, how do folks avoid getting sucked into PTA/cub scouts/girl scouts/sports coach volunteering to the extent that it turns into a black hole of time and energy?
It's no secret that activities like cub scouts aren't what they were in terms of participation. It was on a downslope prior to the pandemic and now it's on life support. The pack I was in as a kid in the late 80s had a few dozen kids in it. My son's pack has a grand total of five. Because it's so small, each parent has to take on a leadership role to meet the chartering expectations of Scouting America, who oversees Boy Scouts and Cub Scouts nationally. I took on the role of committee chair, essentially serving as the pack's bureaucrat in chief (fitting, right?). Chasing down members for dues, keeping the state council happy, convening a monthly parents meeting and running the proceedings, ensuring that folks complete the required training modules, including a rigorous youth protection module given the big lawsuit, and working with the kids directly a bit at meetings, but less than the Cubmaster.
Folks, it is a lot of work. It can feel like an unpaid 8-10 hour a week side hustle at times. There's a lot to know, and a lot to do, especially as we enter the start of the school year, fall recruitment, and popcorn sales (yes, the kids are expected to staff a booth in front of a store and hock popcorn, and the pack gets part of the proceeds.)
My kid got to experience camping for the first time through scouts, and I love what scouts represents from a 'Bowling Alone' perspective, and for him to make it through Webelos and Arrow of Light and then move onto Boy Scouts if he chooses to do so.
I guess my question is, how do folks avoid getting sucked into PTA/cub scouts/girl scouts/sports coach volunteering to the extent that it turns into a black hole of time and energy?
- Messages
- 23,364
- Points
- 72
"No" is a complete sentence.
- Messages
- 37,973
- Points
- 78
"Hell no" is an even more complete sentence.
Bubba
Cyburbian
- Messages
- 8,162
- Points
- 55
I have a few more two to four word sentences to add to that list...
WSU MUP Student
Cyburbian
- Messages
- 14,147
- Points
- 59
This is my philosophy to so much in life.
- Messages
- 23,364
- Points
- 72
Alternatively, I've said "Yes" to being a HS marching band travel chaperone this year for the youngest's sophomore year. @Doohickie
Though, this is much different than being a leadership in a Scouts troop.
Last edited:
Doohickie
Cyburbian
- Messages
- 10,554
- Points
- 57
I've done both, preferred the band thing. Mostly because I wasn't in charge. (Eventually I was but I didn't really care what people did or not; I just did what I could and anyone that wanted to help was welcome.)
Wannaplan?
Trainee
- Messages
- 4,653
- Points
- 54
After my wife passed away, I learned real quick how indifferent society is towards men that are single parents, and that having an expectation of some form emotional support was wishful thinking. I am in an open field all by myself. Thankfully, I have a very good therapist who supports me as I navigate the child-rearing decision-making process on my own.
bureaucrat#3
Member
- Messages
- 1,620
- Points
- 42
First day of school here. The high school that sits on a major state highway put in a new circulation plan. Police have advised to stay away if possible.
- Messages
- 23,364
- Points
- 72
I'm happy that our HS is, technically, on a minor arterial, but in a very walkable/bikeable location for pretty much its entire attendance area.
And we live ~0.25 miles from the school grounds.
WSU MUP Student
Cyburbian
- Messages
- 14,147
- Points
- 59
Our high school is in a relatively dense residential area on the western edge of our town. Seven or eight years ago the city and county did a total rebuild of the main east/west road on our side of town and just a couple blocks north of the high school. They shut down the road maybe two or three days after the schools all closed for the summer and the plan was for it to be reopened the week before school began. They did not in fact meet that deadline. Traffic that first week or two of school was an absolute nightmare.
Fast forward a few years and the city rebuilt the north/south feeder street that runs between the high school grounds and our neighborhood. Again, they shut it down right after school was out for the year with the plan to be open a week before school began. There were a bunch of delays due to weather and unforeseen utility issues and it looked like they would again not meet their deadline. For the final week before school started back up, the road crew was out there from around 6:00 am to 9:00 pm. We went for a walk the evening before school started and walked over to the construction and they were still out there working and we figured it would be another disaster morning the next day. I woke up early on the first day of school to go for a run and when I ran through the construction zone at 5:00 am, they were out there working and moving barrels around. When I looped back around back towards home maybe 90 minutes later, all the barrels and barricades were gone and the road was striped! They did it! Crisis averted!
This summer, the school district tore up the student parking lot at our high school to do some sewer and drainage work underneath it and then rebuild the lot and add new lighting and sidewalks. All very much needed work but they didn't actually start ripping things up until just a few weeks ago and it looks like they still have a ton of work to do. I run, walk, and drive past this lot multiple times a day and they don't seem to be working all that fast. School starts in less than 4 weeks so we shall see if they have the lot open in time. If they don't have it all done, the traffic delays will be the worst yet.
We love the neighborhood where our kids elementary school is. It's walkable to our downtown and to tons of parks and in a very dense area with lots of young families. Our neighborhood is on the extreme edge of the catchment area for our elementary and it's not nearly as dense, though still somewhat walkable by suburban Detroit standards (we can walk to shopping and stuff but it's not a reasonable walk to get to the elementary school). When our oldest was really little there were also not really that many young kids in our neighborhood and almost nobody from her kindergarten and first grade classes. When she was in 1st grade and our youngest was a newborn, we looked at a couple houses in the neighborhoods near the elementary and closer to downtown but ultimately ended up staying put. We liked the idea of being able to walk to the elementary school and being closer to their friends and lots of other little kids but didn't want to give up our bigger lot considering how much we'd have to pay for a postage stamp lot in one of those 'hoods.
Our oldest was a freshman last year and we're about 0.5 miles from the high school. She walks to/from school most days and has a lot of extracurricular activities that she participates in (marching band, jazz band, Model UN, book club, musical/drama, etc.). Even though she walks to most things, it feels like we're also driving there a few times a week for whatever reasons. My wife and I were talking about it a few months ago and both agreed that we are sooooo glad that we didn't move over near the elementary school. If we were to move now, it would have to be to one of the few areas that's even closer to the high school!
- Messages
- 14,241
- Points
- 60
Amen.
Grew up in Oregon and school always started after Labor Day. Moved to South Carolina and was shocked school started the 2nd or 3rd week of August. New Jersey thankfully is after Labor Day.
As a solo parent for many years (several of us here were), I understand. It does get easier and I'm glad you have a therapist.
MD Planner
Cyburbian
- Messages
- 5,657
- Points
- 55
Yep. Today is first day for students here in my part of SC. But they went to a "modified" year round schedule a couple years ago. So they had about 9 weeks off for the summer but they have more breaks throughout the year.
WSU MUP Student
Cyburbian
- Messages
- 14,147
- Points
- 59
Our district here used to go back the week before Labor Day but they switched it back to after Labor Day starting last year. In theory, we liked them going back the Monday before Labor Day but the district sort of squandered it with half days Monday and Tuesday, a full day Wednesday, another half day some years on Thursdays (a couple years it was a full day) and then no school on Friday.
Now we go back after Labor Day, as do most of the neighboring districts but across the region, it seems like a 50/50 split with half the districts going back the week before the holiday. We have a bunch of private schools right near our house and most of them will start going back at least a week before the public schools. I always like when the Catholic elementary near us goes back to school because I can sit in my den to work with the windows open and hear the kids playing on the playground. My kids hate hearing all that laughter though because they know it means that they are that much closer to going back to school too - even if they're ready, they don't like to be reminded of the inevitable end of summer!
Now we go back after Labor Day, as do most of the neighboring districts but across the region, it seems like a 50/50 split with half the districts going back the week before the holiday. We have a bunch of private schools right near our house and most of them will start going back at least a week before the public schools. I always like when the Catholic elementary near us goes back to school because I can sit in my den to work with the windows open and hear the kids playing on the playground. My kids hate hearing all that laughter though because they know it means that they are that much closer to going back to school too - even if they're ready, they don't like to be reminded of the inevitable end of summer!
- Messages
- 14,241
- Points
- 60
NJ has extra breaks too, just not in summer.
I do think it’s weird spring break floats. Most districts are out Good Friday and the week after Easter. Some are out during Holy Week. Most districts are also off the first or second week of November because there is a two day statewide teacher’s convention the first Thursday & Friday after Election Day. We commonly call it Disney Week because many families travel that week.
Depending on the diversity of the school district you may end up with Hindu, Muslim, or Jewish holidays off too (Diwali, one or both Eids, Yom Kippur & Rosh Hashanah).
- Messages
- 37,973
- Points
- 78
I recall when the State passed a law that school districts could NOT start before Labor Day. Why, you may ask? The tourism lobby (the third largest industry in the state) argued that more families on Labor Day vacations meant millions more of touro-dollars that were being lost to children acquiring knowledge a week or two earlier.Our district here used to go back the week before Labor Day but they switched it back to after Labor Day starting last year. In theory, we liked them going back the Monday before Labor Day but the district sort of squandered it with half days Monday and Tuesday, a full day Wednesday, another half day some years on Thursdays (a couple years it was a full day) and then no school on Friday.
Now we go back after Labor Day, as do most of the neighboring districts but across the region, it seems like a 50/50 split with half the districts going back the week before the holiday. We have a bunch of private schools right near our house and most of them will start going back at least a week before the public schools. I always like when the Catholic elementary near us goes back to school because I can sit in my den to work with the windows open and hear the kids playing on the playground. My kids hate hearing all that laughter though because they know it means that they are that much closer to going back to school too - even if they're ready, they don't like to be reminded of the inevitable end of summer!
I just let my kids keep their schedule and deal with waking up on a few hours sleep.We start next week Aug 15.
I reminded the childrens that they better start getting themselves prepped for earlier mornings next week.
- Messages
- 37,973
- Points
- 78
Be sure to repeat this reminder daily for the next week to ensure they take the proper preparatory steps. They should be most appreciative.We start next week Aug 15.
I reminded the childrens that they better start getting themselves prepped for earlier mornings next week.