NEVERENDING ♾️ The NEVERENDING Raising Children Thread

[otterpop]

The quote doesn't say to tell kids it's OK to make C's instead of A's; that was the example given. It says to ALLOW them to get into trouble and deal with the consequences. To me, that means not to do school work for them, or to hover and make sure they do whatever work it takes to make the A's.

This is my battle day-to-day. My wife micro-manages my son's school work (This is a kid who usually pulls A's, sometimes a B in English). She tells him what homework he has, or often as not, what homework she thinks he has. If I ask him about his homework, she answers. She monitors every assignment. When he is done with his homework, she corrects it. She doesn't have him correct it, she fixes it. She puts his homework in his folder and nags him to turn them in.

I, on the other hand, take a less hands-on approach. I look over his writing assignments because writing is the one thing he finds difficult. I tell him what is wrong and compliment him when he does something right. I make him do his own corrections. I tell him that these are his grades and I already passed seventh grade. A few bad grades on assignemnts seemed to straighten him out. He really loves doing well in school.

While I concede that my wife's micromanaging has contributed to his high grade point average, I think in the long run, it is unproductive, because he basically hates the sound of her voice. He pretty much hates her.

 

[Maister]

.....While I concede that my wife's micromanaging has contributed to his high grade point average, I think in the long run, it is unproductive, because he basically hates the sound of her voice. He pretty much hates her.

I'm taking notes right now and filing this one away for future reference, because I'm already starting to see this now. The wife and I had a talk at the beginning of the year and I thought I had sold her on the importance of letting Junior make his own mistakes and be responsible for things like remembering to bring his homework folder to and from school. She didn't harp on him for a couple weeks but I noticed last week she was back in drill instructor mode full force. I'm concerned her undoubtedly good intentions are going to drive a wedge between the two before long if she doesn't let up.

 

[michaelskis]

I'm taking notes right now and filing this one away for future reference, because I'm already starting to see this now. The wife and I had a talk at the beginning of the year and I thought I had sold her on the importance of letting Junior make his own mistakes and be responsible for things like remembering to bring his homework folder to and from school. She didn't harp on him for a couple weeks but I noticed last week she was back in drill instructor mode full force. I'm concerned her undoubtedly good intentions are going to drive a wedge between the two before long if she doesn't let up.

I think that this is where there needs to be a balance. I agree that parents should not micromanage, but I think that there should be a clean explanation of what is expected and the repercussions for failing to achieve those expectations. Those repercussions should be both immediate and long term. Our oldest is only in preschool but he understands that if he does good with his lessons he gets rewards if he does poorly there are punishments, (often in the form of taking rewards away).

We have recently had a problem with our oldest getting into a fight with another kid at school. From what the teacher tells us, our son was playing and this other kid (who was bigger and has the reputation of being a bully at school) decided to roughhouse a little. But our son decided to roughhouse a bit too rough for this other kids liking so he hit our son. Instead of backing down or walking away (which the Teacher wanted him to do), he hit the kid in the face and dropped him to the ground.... then he walked away. We are now working on the idea of being gentle with other kids, even bigger kids.

 

[Planit]

I had brothers and no sisters growing up so there are many instances when I'm at a complete loss with The Girl and her 10 yo ways. Dramatic and emotions on high alert.

Went to buy a tree last night about 7:00 because there's too much going on. We always go to this one church that sell the trees and uses the profits for mission work. Well the place was closed when we got there (I found out later they were having their kids program and closed early for that). I told her no worries we'll get it tomorrow. So we went to the old house and pulled the decorations out of the attic and put them in the truck to go to the new house. I noticed she was looking around quite abit while we were there (it has been a month since she was last at the old house).

We were driving home and she asked how many times I moved as a kid. I had to admit I never moved until I went to college. She replied that it was good to go back home again. She started to sniffle some, but by the time we got home she was in full on bawling mode. Of course momma was concerned when The Girl walked into the house sobbing her eyes out and followed her into her bedroom. When I finished unloading the truck I went inside and momma was coming out of the bedroom asking what I did to The Girl and she wouldn't talk to her. I explained what happened and I went in her room and we talked about it. She was afraid all her Christmas memories would be gone since she moved. I reassured her all those memories would be with her forever and so will the new ones we created in our new house (we moved in September). I suggested she take a bath and left.

About 15 minutes later we hear laughing in her bathroom and went to check it out. She was in there having a ball without a care in the world. I asked her if she was still upset. The Girl said 'No not anymore because the alligator (bath toy) had just done flips into the tub.

btrage, ursus, swmi, kjel please tell me this is normal and did I mention I had brothers...:-c:-o:-x8-!

 

[btrage]

I had brothers and no sisters growing up so there are many instances when I'm at a complete loss with The Girl and her 10 yo ways. Dramatic and emotions on high alert.

Went to buy a tree last night about 7:00 because there's too much going on. We always go to this one church that sell the trees and uses the profits for mission work. Well the place was closed when we got there (I found out later they were having their kids program and closed early for that). I told her no worries we'll get it tomorrow. So we went to the old house and pulled the decorations out of the attic and put them in the truck to go to the new house. I noticed she was looking around quite abit while we were there (it has been a month since she was last at the old house).

We were driving home and she asked how many times I moved as a kid. I had to admit I never moved until I went to college. She replied that it was good to go back home again. She started to sniffle some, but by the time we got home she was in full on bawling mode. Of course momma was concerned when The Girl walked into the house sobbing her eyes out and followed her into her bedroom. When I finished unloading the truck I went inside and momma was coming out of the bedroom asking what I did to The Girl and she wouldn't talk to her. I explained what happened and I went in her room and we talked about it. She was afraid all her Christmas memories would be gone since she moved. I reassured her all those memories would be with her forever and so will the new ones we created in our new house (we moved in September). I suggested she take a bath and left.

About 15 minutes later we hear laughing in her bathroom and went to check it out. She was in there having a ball without a care in the world. I asked her if she was still upset. The Girl said 'No not anymore because the alligator (bath toy) had just done flips into the tub.

btrage, ursus, swmi, kjel please tell me this is normal and did I mention I had brothers...:-c:-o:-x8-!

This sounds like my daughter. Absolutely no rationale behind her mood swings. I think what you told her is the truth. When we moved, I told both our daughters that it's OK to be sad, because honestly, there were times when I was sad as well. I think it's maybe more difficult on her because she's still able to go back into the house. Even though we still own our old house as a rental, our daughters have never been back inside. They've only driven by it.

The toughest part for me is to not overreact during these mood swings. I'm getting better at it, but it's so damn difficult when she gets into one of her "pissed off" moods for what seems like no reason at all.

 

[ursus]

...She replied that it was good to go back home again. She started to sniffle some, but by the time we got home she was in full on bawling mode. Of course momma was concerned when The Girl walked into the house sobbing her eyes out and followed her into her bedroom. When I finished unloading the truck I went inside and momma was coming out of the bedroom asking what I did to The Girl and she wouldn't talk to her. I explained what happened and I went in her room and we talked about it.

You're doing just fine. She's talking to you. I think girls' moods change so fast and their feelings can be so tender sometimes, you just have to be there - which you did beautifully. Sometimes you gotta be there for them even when they act like they don't want you there.

About ten years old is also when I think the random melancholy hits. (Boys and girls) will get a little blue, or sentimental. Their world is starting to change and they aren't sure how to respond to it.

 

[Planit]

Their world is starting to change and they aren't sure how to respond to it.

Oh terrific...

 

[ursus]

Oh terrific...

I want to tell you that the mood swings decrease. I desperately want to tell you that.....it just hasn't been my experience. I think their mood swings decrease about a month before menopause. Not a widely known fact but menopause is the first Horseman of the Apocalypse.

 

[Planit]

I want to tell you that the mood swings decrease. I desperately want to tell you that.....it just hasn't been my experience. I think their mood swings decrease about a month before menopause. Not a widely known fact but menopause is the first Horseman of the Apocalypse.

The Girl is on the verge of puberty and the wife is on the verge of menopause - I'm on the verge of locking myself in the basement for the next 7 or 8 years.

When I come out it will be interesting to see who survived.

 

[kms]

I had brothers and no sisters growing up so there are many instances when I'm at a complete loss with The Girl and her 10 yo ways. Dramatic and emotions on high alert.

Went to buy a tree last night about 7:00 because there's too much going on. We always go to this one church that sell the trees and uses the profits for mission work. Well the place was closed when we got there (I found out later they were having their kids program and closed early for that). I told her no worries we'll get it tomorrow. So we went to the old house and pulled the decorations out of the attic and put them in the truck to go to the new house. I noticed she was looking around quite abit while we were there (it has been a month since she was last at the old house).

We were driving home and she asked how many times I moved as a kid. I had to admit I never moved until I went to college. She replied that it was good to go back home again. She started to sniffle some, but by the time we got home she was in full on bawling mode. Of course momma was concerned when The Girl walked into the house sobbing her eyes out and followed her into her bedroom. When I finished unloading the truck I went inside and momma was coming out of the bedroom asking what I did to The Girl and she wouldn't talk to her. I explained what happened and I went in her room and we talked about it. She was afraid all her Christmas memories would be gone since she moved. I reassured her all those memories would be with her forever and so will the new ones we created in our new house (we moved in September). I suggested she take a bath and left.

About 15 minutes later we hear laughing in her bathroom and went to check it out. She was in there having a ball without a care in the world. I asked her if she was still upset. The Girl said 'No not anymore because the alligator (bath toy) had just done flips into the tub.

btrage, ursus, swmi, kjel please tell me this is normal and did I mention I had brothers...:-c:-o:-x8-!

The old house was the center of her universe and she felt that loss when you stopped there. Just keep explaining to her that no matter where you live, you will still be the same family. Maybe you can take out some of the pictures of happy times at the old place and reminisce. You could even give her some re-prints and let her make her own memory book.

That had to be a little heartbreaking for you.

 

[btrage]

The old house was the center of her universe and she felt that loss when you stopped there. Just keep explaining to her that no matter where you live, you will still be the same family. Maybe you can take out some of the pictures of happy times at the old place and reminisce. You could even give her some re-prints and let her make her own memory book.

That had to be a little heartbreaking for you.

We very recently had an artist friend of ours do a colored, hand drawn piece of our old house. We had it framed and it is in the foyer of our new house. We love it and it kind of bridges the gap between the two parts of our lives.

 

[michaelskis]

We very recently had an artist friend of ours do a colored, hand drawn piece of our hold house. We had it framed and it is in the foyer of our new house. We love it and it kind of bridges the gap between the two parts of our lives.

That is a great idea!

 

[btrage]

That is a great idea!

He lives in Grand Rapids. I can give anyone a link to his website/FB page if you want. Just PM me.

 

[SW MI Planner]

btrage, ursus, swmi, kjel please tell me this is normal and did I mention I had brothers...:-c:-o:-x8-!

The toughest part for me is to not overreact during these mood swings. I'm getting better at it, but it's so damn difficult when she gets into one of her "pissed off" moods for what seems like no reason at all.

You're doing just fine. She's talking to you.

Like the others have all said, completely normal! It's a little (ok, a lot) tough to handle because there are times you just don't have a clue what the heck happened and they flip the heck out and other times that are big deals where they handle it with maturity.It's great you sat her down to talk and more importantly that she opened up to you It's confusing, but try to be patient with her. It's not easy, trust me.

 

[kjel]

I had brothers and no sisters growing up so there are many instances when I'm at a complete loss with The Girl and her 10 yo ways. Dramatic and emotions on high alert.

Went to buy a tree last night about 7:00 because there's too much going on. We always go to this one church that sell the trees and uses the profits for mission work. Well the place was closed when we got there (I found out later they were having their kids program and closed early for that). I told her no worries we'll get it tomorrow. So we went to the old house and pulled the decorations out of the attic and put them in the truck to go to the new house. I noticed she was looking around quite abit while we were there (it has been a month since she was last at the old house).

We were driving home and she asked how many times I moved as a kid. I had to admit I never moved until I went to college. She replied that it was good to go back home again. She started to sniffle some, but by the time we got home she was in full on bawling mode. Of course momma was concerned when The Girl walked into the house sobbing her eyes out and followed her into her bedroom. When I finished unloading the truck I went inside and momma was coming out of the bedroom asking what I did to The Girl and she wouldn't talk to her. I explained what happened and I went in her room and we talked about it. She was afraid all her Christmas memories would be gone since she moved. I reassured her all those memories would be with her forever and so will the new ones we created in our new house (we moved in September). I suggested she take a bath and left.

About 15 minutes later we hear laughing in her bathroom and went to check it out. She was in there having a ball without a care in the world. I asked her if she was still upset. The Girl said 'No not anymore because the alligator (bath toy) had just done flips into the tub.

btrage, ursus, swmi, kjel please tell me this is normal and did I mention I had brothers...:-c:-o:-x8-!

Totally normal and sounds like you handled it very well. As ursus wisely pointed out, she's talking which means it's your job to listen and you did. Validating feelings is important. Lots of changes in her little world, little of which she controls, so it's overwhelming. For me personally ages 14-17 were the most difficult.

 

[kms]

11 - 15 were the worst years with my daughter. There were times when I had trouble keeping in mind that it was temporary.

 

[Zoning Goddess]

The old house was the center of her universe and she felt that loss when you stopped there. Just keep explaining to her that no matter where you live, you will still be the same family. Maybe you can take out some of the pictures of happy times at the old place and reminisce. You could even give her some re-prints and let her make her own memory book.

That had to be a little heartbreaking for you.

My kid will never forgive me for moving him out of his childhood home. And I get that, since my parents sold my childhood home when I was in college, and the second owner tore it down and put up an ugly mcmansion.

 

[btrage]

My 10 year old daughter is unfortunately learning this year in school that there are some people that are just assholes. The worst part is telling her that every time someone does something stupid, her mother and I can't always come to the rescue. It sucks, but everyone has to learn it at some point.

My daughter is very much into "justice" at school (which is ironic since she tries to get away with all sorts of things at home), but I think the realization is hitting her that life doesn't always work that way.

 

[otterpop]

My 10 year old daughter is unfortunately learning this year in school that there are some people that are just assholes. The worst part is telling her that every time someone does something stupid, her mother and I can't always come to the rescue. It sucks, but everyone has to learn it at some point.

My daughter is very much into "justice" at school (which is ironic since she tries to get away with all sorts of things at home), but I think the realization is hitting her that life doesn't always work that way.

I can relate. My son is very tuned into what is "fair" and "unfair." I too try to school him that life is not fair. Sometimes other kids are going to get away with stuff and, yes, it is unfair. But that is life.

 

[btrage]

Well something happened that as a parent I never thought would happen.

My 10 year old daughter took my debit card out of my wallet last Sunday and used it to buy something online. I was upstairs watching football and my wife was at her moms.

We noticed a charge show up on Monday morning from the Disney Movie Club and we asked her about it since she was on the computer the day before. She says that there were some pop-ups but that she didn't do anything. My wife also got some phone calls from insurance companies because they had received our information. In light of the Target data breach thing, we went to the bank that afternoon and ordered new debit cards. We also called the Disney Movie Club and they removed the charge. My daughter was there the entire time while we did this.

Last night, my wife happened to check one of her email accounts, and, sure enough, there were emails from various websites, include the Disney Movie Club, and a few others that I knew my daughter had been on. After about an hour of questioning, my daughter finally admitted to entering her mom's email address into the websites. After about another 20 minutes of questioning, she finally admitted to using my debit card.

Her mother and I are at a loss at what we should do. She just got a new tablet for Xmas, so I'm thinking of confiscating it for a while. I'm also considering making her do chores around the house until she earns the amount of money that she "spent" on my card, about $26.00. And to have a conversation with her about why she felt she needed to do what she did and to discuss with her a few things about being safe on the internet.

Last night she threw all of her new Xmas clothes on our bed and wrote us a letter saying she hated herself and that she was very sorry. My daughter was clearly shaken up when I said bye to her this morning. I told her she wasn't a bad person, but that she made a very bad decision, and her mom and I would talk to her tonight.

She's so damn smart,but it worries me that she makes these impulse decisions and then chooses to lie about it for 4 days. Did she really think we wouldn't find out? I'm a very shocked and disappointed dad this morning. I just need to make sure my ultimate reaction to the situation helps her and doesn't push her into similar behaviors.

 

[michaelskis]

Well something happened that as a parent I never thought would happen.

My 10 year old daughter took my debit card out of my wallet last Sunday and used it to buy something online. I was upstairs watching football and my wife was at her moms.

We noticed a charge show up on Monday morning from the Disney Movie Club and we asked her about it since she was on the computer the day before. She says that there were some pop-ups but that she didn't do anything. My wife also got some phone calls from insurance companies because they had received our information. In light of the Target data breach thing, we went to the bank that afternoon and ordered new debit cards. We also called the Disney Movie Club and they removed the charge. My daughter was there the entire time while we did this.

Last night, my wife happened to check one of her email accounts, and, sure enough, there were emails from various websites, include the Disney Movie Club, and a few others that I knew my daughter had been on. After about an hour of questioning, my daughter finally admitted to entering her mom's email address into the websites. After about another 20 minutes of questioning, she finally admitted to using my debit card.

Her mother and I are at a loss at what we should do. She just got a new tablet for Xmas, so I'm thinking of confiscating it for a while. I'm also considering making her do chores around the house until she earns the amount of money that she "spent" on my card, about $26.00. And to have a conversation with her about why she felt she needed to do what she did and to discuss with her a few things about being safe on the internet.

Last night she threw all of her new Xmas clothes on our bed and wrote us a letter saying she hated herself and that she was very sorry. My daughter was clearly shaken up when I said bye to her this morning. I told her she wasn't a bad person, but that she made a very bad decision, and her mom and I would talk to her tonight.

She's so damn smart,but it worries me that she makes these impulse decisions and then chooses to lie about it for 4 days. Did she really think we wouldn't find out? I'm a very shocked and disappointed dad this morning. I just need to make sure my ultimate reaction to the situation helps her and doesn't push her into similar behaviors.

Wow... I don't have any good answers, but maybe some thoughts.

I think that you are right to be shocked and disappointed and I think that this is a great opportunity for a teachable moment. Does she fully understand that plastic is still real money and that you guys work hard for your money? I have read in other places that kids think that money comes from ATM's and most people don't associate hard work with money. The other point about that is they don't fully realize that when you charge something to a credit/debt card, it is still costing real money.

I think that having her work off the balance with chores is a great idea. Personally if it was me, I would still pay cash for each of the chores that she does, and she would need to put in in a jar. Then when there is enough to pay the balance, she will need to count it out, and physically hand you the cash. Otherwise, if she has the money that she would spend on fun something fun, then she should pay you the cash, (once again hand to hand transaction) to really help drive home the point that things charged on plastic is still real money that needs to come from someplace.

Since Disney removed the charges, it might be a good idea for her to see you call them up, put them on speaker phone, and have her explain the situation to them, and let them know that they will still receive their payment in full. That way it also teaches integrity and honesty that it is wrong to cheat a business.

 

[Hink]

Well something happened that as a parent I never thought would happen.

My 10 year old daughter took my debit card out of my wallet last Sunday and used it to buy something online. I was upstairs watching football and my wife was at her moms.

We noticed a charge show up on Monday morning from the Disney Movie Club and we asked her about it since she was on the computer the day before. She says that there were some pop-ups but that she didn't do anything. My wife also got some phone calls from insurance companies because they had received our information. In light of the Target data breach thing, we went to the bank that afternoon and ordered new debit cards. We also called the Disney Movie Club and they removed the charge. My daughter was there the entire time while we did this.

Last night, my wife happened to check one of her email accounts, and, sure enough, there were emails from various websites, include the Disney Movie Club, and a few others that I knew my daughter had been on. After about an hour of questioning, my daughter finally admitted to entering her mom's email address into the websites. After about another 20 minutes of questioning, she finally admitted to using my debit card.

Her mother and I are at a loss at what we should do. She just got a new tablet for Xmas, so I'm thinking of confiscating it for a while. I'm also considering making her do chores around the house until she earns the amount of money that she "spent" on my card, about $26.00. And to have a conversation with her about why she felt she needed to do what she did and to discuss with her a few things about being safe on the internet.

Last night she threw all of her new Xmas clothes on our bed and wrote us a letter saying she hated herself and that she was very sorry. My daughter was clearly shaken up when I said bye to her this morning. I told her she wasn't a bad person, but that she made a very bad decision, and her mom and I would talk to her tonight.

She's so damn smart,but it worries me that she makes these impulse decisions and then chooses to lie about it for 4 days. Did she really think we wouldn't find out? I'm a very shocked and disappointed dad this morning. I just need to make sure my ultimate reaction to the situation helps her and doesn't push her into similar behaviors.

Use it as a teachable moment, and be glad that it wasn't something illegal. Sometimes this trouble can really get a kid in trouble with the law. I would just stress that lying is going to get you in more trouble, and that you never take something from someone else. You ALWAYS ask first. Push the idea that if she would have asked, you might have considered it. Try to push that asking is good, not asking is bad and lying is worse.

Hopefully she will learn a valuable lesson and realize her mistake.

 

[DVD]

You're doing the right thing. She tried to pull something, got caught, and now knows not to do that again. She still needs a suitable punishment to drive the lesson home, but at least there is remorse coming out of her. I like Mskies idea of putting the money in the jar and making her pay it back. If she doesn't have an allowance, that might be another idea to set up or maybe some other odd jobs she could do to earn money. Then she can pay you if a debit card is needed which gives you one more oversight on her internet use.

Good luck

 

[SW MI Planner]

Use it as a teachable moment, and be glad that it wasn't something illegal. Sometimes this trouble can really get a kid in trouble with the law. I would just stress that lying is going to get you in more trouble, and that you never take something from someone else. You ALWAYS ask first. Push the idea that if she would have asked, you might have considered it. Try to push that asking is good, not asking is bad and lying is worse.

Hopefully she will learn a valuable lesson and realize her mistake.

I'm not sure about this specific situation, but my POS cousin took my grandmothers debit card and used it at Meijer and also withdrew money and it was two felonies - Embezzlement by Person of Trust and Financial Transaction Device - Illegal Sale/Use. Please know I wouldn't advocate trying to scare the hell out of her completely, but I do think you also need to explain to her that not only was this dishonest to you and her mom, and to the company, but it's potentially illegal and people can get in big trouble for this type of stuff.

I agree with having her pay it back via cash, I remember when I was little I wanted something and my mom said they didn't have the money for it and I told her to just write a check. Kids just don't get that plastic (or checks) equate to real money, and so I think it will *hurt* a bit more for her to earn the money and then to have to hand it over. There is an actual commodity there that is being transferred.

I also agree with calling Disney - the charges were authentic in the first place and she needs to understand that no only did she breach your trust, but her actions essentially resulted in theft from a company.

There also needs to be a punishment over above paying the money back, the first of which should be no tablet.

I am so sorry btrage that you guys are going through this, I can't even image It sounds like she is beating herself up pretty bad right now, but also that you are handling it really well by being calm and reasonable, but still providing consequences for her actions.

 

[btrage]

I'm not sure about this specific situation, but my POS cousin took my grandmothers debit card and used it at Meijer and also withdrew money and it was two felonies - Embezzlement by Person of Trust and Financial Transaction Device - Illegal Sale/Use. Please know I wouldn't advocate trying to scare the hell out of her completely, but I do think you also need to explain to her that not only was this dishonest to you and her mom, and to the company, but it's potentially illegal and people can get in big trouble for this type of stuff.

I agree with having her pay it back via cash, I remember when I was little I wanted something and my mom said they didn't have the money for it and I told her to just write a check. Kids just don't get that plastic (or checks) equate to real money, and so I think it will *hurt* a bit more for her to earn the money and then to have to hand it over. There is an actual commodity there that is being transferred.

I also agree with calling Disney - the charges were authentic in the first place and she needs to understand that no only did she breach your trust, but her actions essentially resulted in theft from a company.

There also needs to be a punishment over above paying the money back, the first of which should be no tablet.

I am so sorry btrage that you guys are going through this, I can't even image It sounds like she is beating herself up pretty bad right now, but also that you are handling it really well by being calm and reasonable, but still providing consequences for her actions.

We did explain to her last night that her actions could be considered illegal, but it's definitely a point we will drive home again tonight. We've already had the charges removed by Disney (before she admitted it was her), so I thought that after she "earned" the money, she could donate it to some charity or something.

With as smart as she is, I guess I just assumed that she understood that using the card is the same as using cash. We've actually had conversations with both our daughters about this when they ask what banks do.

My daughter has a massive anti-authority streak in her (which she gets from me :-c), and I've said before that I truly believe she thinks she can outsmart us and other adults. This mentality of hers is what scares me the most. I just don't get how she thought she was going to get away with it, or even if that thought registered with her. I think a part of it has to do with her thinking that she can do "adult" things. I'm hoping this is the moment where she realizes how much growing up she still has to do, and stops fighting us over every little thing.

Thanks everyone for the thoughts. It means a lot.

 

[mendelman]

I just want to pile on with the praise, btrage. You're doing well with the situation.

My boys are getting closer everyday to this age range...we're prepping now.

 

[kjel]

Kids do stupid things, even smart ones. I think you approached it well and she's showing the appropriate level of remorse. I'd make her work off the $26 and donate to a charitable organization. Collect it in a jar and take her with you to donate it. She will understand the effort involved in earning the $26 at $1 or $2 increments.

I'd probably restrict her computer access for the time being and put her tablet up until she's earned the $26 back.

 

[ursus]

btrage: the part where she throws her new clothes on the bed with a note about how much she hates herself.......priceless! It's heart-wrenching and funny being a parent...You are doing just fine with her, in my opinion. She hates that she disappointed you, but she'll come to grips with this and be a better girl for it. She sounds like a smart, cool kid. And let's face it, in the world she's inheriting she is going to need every bit of that smart, every ounce of that moxy she's got by nature...and it will be tempered with her own compassion and her parents having taught her, nurtured her, and shown her that her actions matter to the people around her and ultimately make up who she is.

That's family, man. That's how it works and what makes it great. Point - btrage.

 

[Zoning Goddess]

Well something happened that as a parent I never thought would happen.

My 10 year old daughter took my debit card out of my wallet last Sunday and used it to buy something online. I was upstairs watching football and my wife was at her moms.

I only had to deal with a 14-15 y.o. buying porn online. A total meltdown in the middle of the night took care of that.

Once they know the secret power of our debit/credit cards they are dangerous.

 

[JNA]

While in Santa Clara Valley, CA, I saw my niece dance in a version of the Nutcracker. First time I had seen her dance.
That is what an Uncle does.

For Xmas my Brother (other Uncle) and I surprised my nephew with a used Play Station 3 from Game Stop.
But only after talking it over with my SIL.

 

[btrage]

Kids do stupid things, even smart ones. I think you approached it well and she's showing the appropriate level of remorse. I'd make her work off the $26 and donate to a charitable organization. Collect it in a jar and take her with you to donate it. She will understand the effort involved in earning the $26 at $1 or $2 increments.

I'd probably restrict her computer access for the time being and put her tablet up until she's earned the $26 back.

This was exactly the outcome of our conversation with her last night. No tablet until she earns the $26, and it will be donated to charity.

btrage: the part where she throws her new clothes on the bed with a note about how much she hates herself.......priceless! It's heart-wrenching and funny being a parent...You are doing just fine with her, in my opinion. She hates that she disappointed you, but she'll come to grips with this and be a better girl for it. She sounds like a smart, cool kid. And let's face it, in the world she's inheriting she is going to need every bit of that smart, every ounce of that moxy she's got by nature...and it will be tempered with her own compassion and her parents having taught her, nurtured her, and shown her that her actions matter to the people around her and ultimately make up who she is.

That's family, man. That's how it works and what makes it great. Point - btrage.

ursus, you have an awesome way of reminding me that LOVE trumps everything.

 

[mendelman]

[ot]

ursus, you have an awesome way of reminding me that LOVE trumps everything.

Indeed! He is Cyburbia's guru. Does he also play the sitar?[/ot]

 

[Planit]

D@mn btrage every time I post something about The Girl or you post about your girl it sounds like a very very similar story.

Mine has brought stuff to me she would do without as a punishment to herself as well - like yours did with the clothes. I know they are testing boundaries and the attitude of "dad will never find out" but not "they can do it, I can too" which is much more dangerous in some regards. I've changed the passwords on accounts after she bought something without our knowledge. She has had to pay it back and its tough for her when I give her the allowance and then take most of it right back. That is really painful for her.

A good friend told me one time it doesn't matter id they are young, they're still women just in a smaller package.:-c

 

[Planit]

Even though you'd wear a jacket, NO - yoga pants and short sleeved t-shirt are not appropriate school wear in the winter, especially whens if f-ing cold outside

 

[michaelskis]

My oldest was giving me attitude last night at dinner because he would not eat. We explained that all the reasons he should eat and reminded him that there are people who are sleeping outside that would love to eat the food he was refusing. He lipped off and said that it was not that cold outside. So I made him stand on the back porch for a bit (maybe around 30 seconds). He had his boots on and a jacket, but he quickly realized that he takes things for granted.

He still did not eat.

 

[arcplans]

Even though you'd wear a jacket, NO - yoga pants and short sleeved t-shirt are not appropriate school wear in the winter, especially whens if f-ing cold outside

I see we go through the same battles. While not as cold as the mid-west and back east, today is was chilly (ok, chilly as in mid-60's). Certainly not shorts and tank top weather appropriate. I had a tiff this morning with lil miss raf about the importance of dressing for outside, not the cozy 72 degrees inside.

 

[kms]

My oldest was giving me attitude last night at dinner because he would not eat. We explained that all the reasons he should eat and reminded him that there are people who are sleeping outside that would love to eat the food he was refusing. He lipped off and said that it was not that cold outside. So I made him stand on the back porch for a bit (maybe around 30 seconds). He had his boots on and a jacket, but he quickly realized that he takes things for granted.

He still did not eat.

He realized it was cold outside.

 

[SW MI Planner]

Daughter turned 10 yesterday. I sat last night after she went to bed looking at old pictures of her and had tears streaming from my eyes for over an hour. I'm so happy that she's growing and happy and smart and creative (and even sassy and challenging) but sad at the same time. I'm sad that I can't remember her hands being so little or holding her when she's a baby or seeing her walk for the first time and it breaks my heart.

I know I am busy but I don't feel that I take time for granted and always try to treasure what I have with her, so I don't know if this is typical, or if I'm seriously having memory issues.

Now I'm sitting here crying at work, what a loser.

 

[michaelskis]

Daughter turned 10 yesterday. I sat last night after she went to bed looking at old pictures of her and had tears streaming from my eyes for over an hour. I'm so happy that she's growing and happy and smart and creative (and even sassy and challenging) but sad at the same time. I'm sad that I can't remember her hands being so little or holding her when she's a baby or seeing her walk for the first time and it breaks my heart.

I know I am busy but I don't feel that I take time for granted and always try to treasure what I have with her, so I don't know if this is typical, or if I'm seriously having memory issues.

Now I'm sitting here crying at work, what a loser.

You are not a loser.

When our younger two, I was surprised at how little they were compared to the size at that moment of their older brother. There are little things like that I think we forget about because we see the slow progress of our kids.

 

[Rygor]

Daughter turned 10 yesterday. I sat last night after she went to bed looking at old pictures of her and had tears streaming from my eyes for over an hour. I'm so happy that she's growing and happy and smart and creative (and even sassy and challenging) but sad at the same time. I'm sad that I can't remember her hands being so little or holding her when she's a baby or seeing her walk for the first time and it breaks my heart.

I know I am busy but I don't feel that I take time for granted and always try to treasure what I have with her, so I don't know if this is typical, or if I'm seriously having memory issues.

Now I'm sitting here crying at work, what a loser.

Awwww. There, there, SW MI Planner. You're not a loser. Simply a mom.

 

[otterpop]

This morning my son, who I could see right away was in sad phase, asked me if he could please have a mental health day and skip school. He was hurting from an injury at gym yesterday and just generally feeling crappy. I had to say "no", of course, though inside I wanted to say "yes." I remember being in middle school and not wanting to go some days.

You know, I would have said "yes" if I could have taken the day off and had the two of us do something constructive with a day off from school - taken a day trip to a museum or a hot springs, or something to lift his spirits. But letting him stay home to play video games, no.

But it did get me to thinking that maybe I could schedule a mental health day for us some time in the future. A break from routine. A time of father-son bonding.

Is that crazy?

 

[DVD]

This morning my son, who I could see right away was in sad phase, asked me if he could please have a mental health day and skip school. He was hurting from an injury at gym yesterday and just generally feeling crappy. I had to say "no", of course, though inside I wanted to say "yes." I remember being in middle school and not wanting to go some days.

You know, I would have said "yes" if I could have taken the day off and had the two of us do something constructive with a day off from school - taken a day trip to a museum or a hot springs, or something to lift his spirits. But letting him stay home to play video games, no.

But it did get me to thinking that maybe I could schedule a mental health day for us some time in the future. A break from routine. A time of father-son bonding.

Is that crazy?

Nah, sometimes you just need to run away and go fishing or something.

For my kids I can always remember how little they were by looking at my arm. They were small enough to fit into my forearm. Now they're a little bigger, but I can still fling them around the room with squeals of joy.

 

[kjel]

This morning my son, who I could see right away was in sad phase, asked me if he could please have a mental health day and skip school. He was hurting from an injury at gym yesterday and just generally feeling crappy. I had to say "no", of course, though inside I wanted to say "yes." I remember being in middle school and not wanting to go some days.

You know, I would have said "yes" if I could have taken the day off and had the two of us do something constructive with a day off from school - taken a day trip to a museum or a hot springs, or something to lift his spirits. But letting him stay home to play video games, no.

But it did get me to thinking that maybe I could schedule a mental health day for us some time in the future. A break from routine. A time of father-son bonding.

Is that crazy?

Not at all. I randomly used to do this with RT. It's best when you surprise them one morning and say "guess what? we're playing hooky today! this is what we are going to do...."

 

[wahday]

This morning my son, who I could see right away was in sad phase, asked me if he could please have a mental health day and skip school. He was hurting from an injury at gym yesterday and just generally feeling crappy. I had to say "no", of course, though inside I wanted to say "yes." I remember being in middle school and not wanting to go some days.

You know, I would have said "yes" if I could have taken the day off and had the two of us do something constructive with a day off from school - taken a day trip to a museum or a hot springs, or something to lift his spirits. But letting him stay home to play video games, no.

But it did get me to thinking that maybe I could schedule a mental health day for us some time in the future. A break from routine. A time of father-son bonding.

Is that crazy?

I have done this too. Though its been a few years with our oldest who is in 7th grade. But my view is that "education" should be more than just what happens in school. We are preparing our children to live in the world, to enjoy life and the things around them, to be satisfied human beings and maybe even how to gut a fish.

I agree playing video games all day does not fulfill any of those skills, though. I wouldn't have let my son do that either.

 

[ursus]

.

I know I am busy but I don't feel that I take time for granted and always try to treasure what I have with her, so I don't know if this is typical, or if I'm seriously having memory issues.

I know exactly what you mean. I can't remember some things from when my kids were younger and I can't believe that I don't have the memory - their lives are like the only thing that matters to me, how come I can't remember every moment? It's got to be normal if there's two of us that feel like that, right? It can feel like it's passing you by when you're busy - and of course you are busy. It's not passing us by though, it's just going on and every once in a while we get a reminder that life moves fast and you've got to stay involved. It's every day. My old man always said "Quality time is a lie people tell themselves. It's Quantity time that matters." I believe him. You don't have to be at Disneyland or the Opera to be together. Best times with my dad....going to the landfill. Raking leaves and listening to football on the radio. Doing homework and him getting off on tangents. Watching TV together. Having a sandwich in the kitchen before bed and just talking a little bit.

You're not missing it. Not at all. Good moms cry, it's just part of the deal.

 

[kms]

This morning my son, who I could see right away was in sad phase, asked me if he could please have a mental health day and skip school. He was hurting from an injury at gym yesterday and just generally feeling crappy. I had to say "no", of course, though inside I wanted to say "yes." I remember being in middle school and not wanting to go some days.

You know, I would have said "yes" if I could have taken the day off and had the two of us do something constructive with a day off from school - taken a day trip to a museum or a hot springs, or something to lift his spirits. But letting him stay home to play video games, no.

But it did get me to thinking that maybe I could schedule a mental health day for us some time in the future. A break from routine. A time of father-son bonding.

Is that crazy?

Surprise him and give him a mental health day. He deserves one and you do, too.

 

[SW MI Planner]

I know exactly what you mean. I can't remember some things from when my kids were younger and I can't believe that I don't have the memory - their lives are like the only thing that matters to me, how come I can't remember every moment? It's got to be normal if there's two of us that feel like that, right? It can feel like it's passing you by when you're busy - and of course you are busy. It's not passing us by though, it's just going on and every once in a while we get a reminder that life moves fast and you've got to stay involved. It's every day. My old man always said "Quality time is a lie people tell themselves. It's Quantity time that matters." I believe him. You don't have to be at Disneyland or the Opera to be together. Best times with my dad....going to the landfill. Raking leaves and listening to football on the radio. Doing homework and him getting off on tangents. Watching TV together. Having a sandwich in the kitchen before bed and just talking a little bit.

You're not missing it. Not at all. Good moms cry, it's just part of the deal.

Thanks Ursus and everyone else for making me feel a little less crazy. You always know what to say...

 

[JNA]

SW MI Planner -

You just described a classic tug of war of emotions - you want to hold on to the little kid at the same time as of letting go just little as they grow up.

I am facing the grown child tug of war - moving Mom out of the house I grew up in and that she has been in for 54 yrs.

 

[DVD]

Daughter just had her first sleep over. It's fun to watch them having a good time and giggling late into the night. It's more fun to watch them recover from so much fun over the weekend. Both my kids are so worn out and they just won't admit it.

 

[WSU MUP Student]

Our daughter is just about 3 and a half and my wife decided to take her to go see Frozen this afternoon. This will be her first movie in a theatre. I sort of want to go too so that I can be there for her first movie in a theatre, but I also don't want to go because the last thing I want to do is sit in a theatre with a 3-year-old. Even if it is my own!