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NEVERENDING ♾️ The NEVERENDING Raising Children Thread

What's frustrating is trying to clean a house with an 8 year old boy working full time to counteract your efforts. We give him a specific task to perform, like pick up all the toys in that room and as soon as he's done he's back to hauling out the toys again minutes later.:r::wall::facepalm:

Tell him one thing (or two) at a time and when he's done put it back. I told my kiddo when she was probablyfour that if she leaves things out and doesn't pick up after herself that they get thrown away, then promptly threw away a few things that were left out. Trust me, I only had to tell her once.

((Thankfully the things I threw out were little dollar store or McDonaldland toys so no big deal on my end, but completely proved my point!))
 
What's frustrating is trying to clean a house with an 8 year old boy working full time to counteract your efforts. We give him a specific task to perform, like pick up all the toys in that room and as soon as he's done he's back to hauling out the toys again minutes later.:r::wall::facepalm:

If one of us is sitting on the floor in our daughter's room folding her laundry she likes to run into the room and pick up all the folded laundry and joyfully toss it about the room above her head and then run back out of the room. It's funny until she does it three times in about 5 minutes.
 
Sent son to bed without dinner for the second night in a row last night. :-{ Kid refuses to make any sort of effort whatsoever to touch a vegetable. No amount of threats or bribes move him. Last night I got home from work and spent 1.5 hours making a carrot soufflé to tempt him. He shouted NO and smashed his hand in it. :-@

Mama's in no mood to be messed with. So help me, he will not eat another thing in my house before a vegetable goes down, and this time I'm not even putting salt on it.
 
Sent son to bed without dinner for the second night in a row last night. :-{ Kid refuses to make any sort of effort whatsoever to touch a vegetable. No amount of threats or bribes move him. Last night I got home from work and spent 1.5 hours making a carrot soufflé to tempt him. He shouted NO and smashed his hand in it. :-@

Mama's in no mood to be messed with. So help me, he will not eat another thing in my house before a vegetable goes down, and this time I'm not even putting salt on it.

Our daughter used to loooooove veggies but now that she's three, she's much less interested in them. We used to get frustrated with her when she would absolutely refuse them at dinner or lunch but she would still want her "snack" before bed. Previously the snack was always a couple graham crackers and some milk or something similar but once she started refusing the veggies at dinner we began making them her snack (if she didn't eat them at dinner). Her evening snack time is basically on her own and she sits at her little table coloring or playing (or occasionally watching a cartoon) and we aren't there pressuring her to eat her snack, whether it's a healthy one or not but she nearly always finishes whatever healthy thing we put in front of her there and often asks for seconds.

Of course, YMMV, but to us it seemed like refusing the food at dinner was probably her way of having some sort of control of the situation and she knew she was getting a reaction from us, and she likes pushing our buttons. At snack time we're not hovering over her and I think she figures, "If I don't want to go to bed hungry, I better at least eat this broccoli or these beans!"
 
Our daughter used to loooooove veggies but now that she's three, she's much less interested in them. We used to get frustrated with her when she would absolutely refuse them at dinner or lunch but she would still want her "snack" before bed. Previously the snack was always a couple graham crackers and some milk or something similar but once she started refusing the veggies at dinner we began making them her snack (if she didn't eat them at dinner). Her evening snack time is basically on her own and she sits at her little table coloring or playing (or occasionally watching a cartoon) and we aren't there pressuring her to eat her snack, whether it's a healthy one or not but she nearly always finishes whatever healthy thing we put in front of her there and often asks for seconds.

Of course, YMMV, but to us it seemed like refusing the food at dinner was probably her way of having some sort of control of the situation and she knew she was getting a reaction from us, and she likes pushing our buttons. At snack time we're not hovering over her and I think she figures, "If I don't want to go to bed hungry, I better at least eat this broccoli or these beans!"

I think you're right that standing over the kid just heightens the tension. I'll have to try something along those lines: just leave him alone with the food and let him eat it on his own terms (or not--it's not like he's malnourished). I told husband last night--I think a big thing here is that I have to care less. Kid's pushing my buttons. Enough with the bribes and threats. I have all the drama I need at work and don't need it at home.
 
My brother used to tell me that if a kid eats at least as many bites as they are years old, they won’t die.

The other maxim I have found to be true is that even if the kids don’t like a particular necessary food (like vegetables), just keep serving them to them. At some point they will come around. I have also found that in years we grow a garden, the kids are much more interested in eating that food.

All that being said, its a daily struggle to get my almost-8 year old to eat her veggies. But then every once in a while she has a tremendous craving and eats a whole cucumber or carrot or whatever.
 
#3 will be 3 weeks old tomorrow and he now weighs 8lbs 13oz (birth weight was 7lbs 4oz). Well, #2 noticed that we will not be carrying him around as much. He took about 10 steps on his own over the weekend. It is all strait legged and wobbely, but it was the first real attempt to walk.

Our new goal is for him to be complealty walking without assistance by spring. Maybe by then he will start saying simple words too. He makes sounds (sounds line German) but he has yet to say any real intentional words.
 
My brother used to tell me that if a kid eats at least as many bites as they are years old, they won’t die.

I do this with my son also, if it's not a veggie that he's crazy about, he has to eat as many bites as his age. Unless he completely gags on it, like he did yesterday with kale. Then I just tell him that I'm glad that he tried it and thank him for spitting it out in the trash instead of on the table. :)

#3 will be 3 weeks old tomorrow and he now weighs 8lbs 13oz (birth weight was 7lbs 4oz). Well, #2 noticed that we will not be carrying him around as much. He took about 10 steps on his own over the weekend. It is all strait legged and wobbely, but it was the first real attempt to walk.

That is great news for both children!
 
I think you're right that standing over the kid just heightens the tension. I'll have to try something along those lines: just leave him alone with the food and let him eat it on his own terms (or not--it's not like he's malnourished). I told husband last night--I think a big thing here is that I have to care less. Kid's pushing my buttons. Enough with the bribes and threats. I have all the drama I need at work and don't need it at home.

I used to park the kid in front of the Richard Scarry Busytown videos when he was a toddler (it was the only way I could get dinner cooked). He was resistant to veggies when he started on solid food. One evening, I told him we were having the favorite veggie of one of the characters (can't remember who) and he barrelled into the kitchen yelling "Broccoli, broccoli!" and scarfed down way more than you would think an 18-month old could handle. He would eat the leftovers cold. Then he had to have peas, and raw spinach, and really got into dark leafy salads after a nutrition class in preschool. He'll still have broccoli for a snack. So basically, it was t.v. and a teacher who got him excited about veggies. But only the green ones (although he grew to love raw carrots).

My mom used to make us sit at the dinner table until we ate part of our veggies (canned! always canned! yuck) and there were many evenings I was still there an hour after everyone else was done, looking at a pile of cold, pale veggies. I wouldn't touch them (except the corn) until I was out on my own and could try fresh veggies.
 
The Girl is an on & off veggie eater now. There has always been a battle or two concerning veggies at the dinner table or for snacks. Last night she ate peas & mashed potatoes but didn't want and stew beef. She even asked for the baby carrots in her lunch box for school. I told Mrs. P give a couple weeks and it will change.
 
The Girl is an on & off veggie eater now. There has always been a battle or two concerning veggies at the dinner table or for snacks. Last night she ate peas & mashed potatoes but didn't want and stew beef. She even asked for the baby carrots in her lunch box for school. I told Mrs. P give a couple weeks and it will change.

Yep. They change as often as the direction the wind blows. The baby strangely does not like fruit but will eat small pieces of cooked veggies without any issues. She's really a fan of meat and pasta though. RT eats everything as an adult but went through her picky phases.
 
Yep, I figure Toddler M will probably turn out just fine, regardless of what he will or won't eat at the ripe age of 3. I think it's become more of a control thing than a food thing, and that's where I start feeling like I have to "win." Unfortunately, that means we both lose. It's getting better now that I've backed the heck off. We're holding firm on the "no veggies, no treats" rule, and other than that, we're pretty much letting it go.

In other news, to my delight and amusement, he's set on the idea that he wants to be a butterfly for Halloween. I ordered him some wings and an antenna headband. Who can say no to that? I wonder if I could make Baby M into a credible caterpillar?
 
The Girl has a habit of coming in the house singing at the top of her lungs. I'm greatly appreciative that she is a happy kid who loves to sing, but I wish there was some sort of volume control or at least sing in her "chorus" voice.
 
The Girl has a habit of coming in the house singing at the top of her lungs. I'm greatly appreciative that she is a happy kid who loves to sing, but I wish there was some sort of volume control or at least sing in her "chorus" voice.

Emjoy the music. Things will change and you'll wish you had.
 
Junior has an unstoppable sweet tooth. I mean he will sit and eat something sweet until it's gone (e.g. once he ate HALF a can of pre-made cake frosting+o() so we took it upon ourselves to ration his Halloween candy such that he could enjoy a couple pieces each day. Last night we found 27 candy wrappers hidden/stuffed behind the stereo. The little trickster apparently accessed the stash when we weren't looking and tried to conceal the evidence. The candy has been since moved to a location where he can't get to it, and his mother imposed a 3 week 'no-dessert' policy (figure he already had about 3 weeks worth of sweets in the last four days).

What troubles me is not so much that he ate a ton of candy but that he tried to conceal it from his parents. Any advice on how to handle this?
 
Junior has an unstoppable sweet tooth. I mean he will sit and eat something sweet until it's gone (e.g. once he ate HALF a can of pre-made cake frosting+o() so we took it upon ourselves to ration his Halloween candy such that he could enjoy a couple pieces each day. Last night we found 27 candy wrappers hidden/stuffed behind the stereo. The little trickster apparently accessed the stash when we weren't looking and tried to conceal the evidence. The candy has been since moved to a location where he can't get to it, and his mother imposed a 3 week 'no-dessert' policy (figure he already had about 3 weeks worth of sweets in the last four days).

What troubles me is not so much that he ate a ton of candy but that he tried to conceal it from his parents. Any advice on how to handle this?

My daughters have been known to sneak candy from time to time, never in the amount you say. They usually do it on weekend mornings when my wife and I sleep in. The are also HORRIBLE at concealing the evidence (wrappers). We always find them eventually - in couch cushions, down the side of the bed, in random kitchen drawers, left on the top of the garbage - really???, as if I wouldn't notice???.

Lately, we've been a little more careful with where we keep candy. But I chalk it up to them just being kids, since they don't do it a whole lot.
 
We let ours go for a couple days after Halloween, but then we had to put the candy bowl on top of the fridge. I'm lucky their not old enough to reach it yet, although I think the 7 yo could if she wanted.
 
What troubles me is not so much that he ate a ton of candy but that he tried to conceal it from his parents. Any advice on how to handle this?

Uh, I'm not a parent but I'm pretty sure it's SOP for kids to do this type of stuff...I know I did! I still do, and Mrs. Tranplanner has learned to be very skillful in hiding chocolate from me.

I'm sure that from Junior's point of view you took away something rightfully his and he feels wronged by the heavy hand of parental oppression.
 
Uh, I'm not a parent but I'm pretty sure it's SOP for kids to do this type of stuff...I know I did! I still do, and Mrs. Tranplanner has learned to be very skillful in hiding chocolate from me.

I'm sure that from Junior's point of view you took away something rightfully his and he feels wronged by the heavy hand of parental oppression.

It's very normal. Candy and sweets are a rationed/limited good to most kids and therefore they must have all they can get their little hands on. RT was the same way, there was no stop button on her when it came to sweet stuff. I just stopped buying it and then it became a treat for when we were at the grocery store or the mall and she got a candy bar or ice cream.
 
We have found candy wrappers in very strange places. I get it, but Mrs. P can't stand that The Girl is trying to "deceive" her parents.
 
We have found candy wrappers in very strange places. I get it, but Mrs. P can't stand that The Girl is trying to "deceive" her parents.

My wife also gets very upset. I get more upset that they can't figure out how to hide the evidence :D
 
Junior has an unstoppable sweet tooth. I mean he will sit and eat something sweet until it's gone (e.g. once he ate HALF a can of pre-made cake frosting+o() so we took it upon ourselves to ration his Halloween candy such that he could enjoy a couple pieces each day. Last night we found 27 candy wrappers hidden/stuffed behind the stereo. The little trickster apparently accessed the stash when we weren't looking and tried to conceal the evidence. The candy has been since moved to a location where he can't get to it, and his mother imposed a 3 week 'no-dessert' policy (figure he already had about 3 weeks worth of sweets in the last four days).

What troubles me is not so much that he ate a ton of candy but that he tried to conceal it from his parents. Any advice on how to handle this?

Get use to it? In this case, I think it is par for the course when it comes to kids and candy. Although 27 is a lot of candy. We put ours up into a location that #1 can't get to, and we talk to him about it.

We had this problem early but for different reasons. Our oldest is allergic to pasteurized milk... which is in a surprising amount of stuff. He would see us eating things, so he would want to eat it too. We explained to him early on that some stuff had milk in it and it would make him feel icky if he ate it. He did not believe us, so one time he grabbed a cookie off the counter, and we knew what happened since the step stool was next to the counter with an open box of loft house cookies sitting there.

Within 30 minutes we were at the ER... it was enough of a scare that he knows that we don't set rules for our good, but for his. (Ok, sometimes it is for our mental sanity that we set rules)

On the other hand, how do you explain to him or show him what happens if he eats too much candy?
 
It's what kids do...

We have found candy wrappers in very strange places. I get it, but Mrs. P can't stand that The Girl is trying to "deceive" her parents.

Autonomy, "me do it," separation.

In similar circumstances, I would allow X number of pieces per day, and oversee a selection process. Then hide the rest until the next day. Thinking back, I recall my mama telling a story about her father bringing home a huge bunch of bananas, and her sibs scarfing down their respective allotments, while she'd save hers...and eat one every few hours (daily?) much to the chagrin of the gobblers. Perhaps extend autonomy to your kid by saying you can eat it all at once, or as you wish, but you're still expected to consume all your veggies tonight, and you'll be brushing your teeth as usual.

Wrappers go in the recycle bin. Aside to sneaky youth: they won't be noticed there!
 
My wife also gets very upset. I get more upset that they can't figure out how to hide the evidence :D

This describes my household to as "T!"

The 8 year old is a sneaky little bugger, but also not good at hiding the evidence. She also seems not easily shamed into avoiding such transgressions in the future. She's an immediate-gratification pleasure seeker for sure. My wife fears watching her ride off on the back of a motorcycle when she is 17. I disagree. I think she'll be driving the motorcycle!

Lord help us...
 
This describes my household to as "T!"

The 8 year old is a sneaky little bugger, but also not good at hiding the evidence. She also seems not easily shamed into avoiding such transgressions in the future. She's an immediate-gratification pleasure seeker for sure. My wife fears watching her ride off on the back of a motorcycle when she is 17. I disagree. I think she'll be driving the motorcycle!

Lord help us...

Lord help us indeed. Your 8 year old sounds like my oldest (now 18). She recently announced that she will indeed be "riding off on the back of a motorcycle" next October. Or more specifically in Mello Yello's car which I think is a VW of some kind.

My only hope: Maybe they'll be happy, or maybe I get lucky and they'll screw it up themselves. No way these two stay in love that long. Also, his parents are snobs and I get the impression they disapprove of her "status" as a kid from the modest side of town. I think Mello Yello likes that. Maybe that will wear smooth after a while, too.
 
Lord help us indeed. Your 8 year old sounds like my oldest (now 18). She recently announced that she will indeed be "riding off on the back of a motorcycle" next October. Or more specifically in Mello Yello's car which I think is a VW of some kind.

My only hope: Maybe they'll be happy, or maybe I get lucky and they'll screw it up themselves. No way these two stay in love that long. Also, his parents are snobs and I get the impression they disapprove of her "status" as a kid from the modest side of town. I think Mello Yello likes that. Maybe that will wear smooth after a while, too.

You never know. One of my good guy friends from high school did that and just celebrated their 20th anniversary. With kids, you just love them and you love them harder when they screw up or things don't work out.
 
I'm such a mean parent, I'm 12 for 12 like everyone else here. Can I add on, control things like make up for little girls. My girls are only 7 and 4, they don't need make up yet.
 
The dog and I dropped the kid off at the airport at 5:50 this morning. He should be in his new city in about 9 hours.

It will probably take a couple weeks to sink in that he's actually moved out.
 
The dog and I dropped the kid off at the airport at 5:50 this morning. He should be in his new city in about 9 hours.

It will probably take a couple weeks to sink in that he's actually moved out.


I'm scared for the day any of my kids move out/on. You going to hold up good or miss like crazy?
 
I often wonder how I will react when my girls begin to exit the nest. Granted, it's still 8 years (at least) for the oldest, but I do wonder. I feel like I'm not going to have issues with it or have empty nest syndrome, but you don't really know until it happens.

I think a lot of it depends on the personalities involved, family dynamics, etc.
 
I'm scared for the day any of my kids move out/on. You going to hold up good or miss like crazy?

I will miss him; he's a smart, funny kid, and it was just the two of us for a lot of years. And I'll worry about him, being so far away with little "life experience".

I will not miss the non-stop stress of being "in the middle" of the kid and RJ all the time.

My big task will be cleaning out his trashed bedroom and bathroom. Yuck.
 
I often wonder how I will react when my girls begin to exit the nest. Granted, it's still 8 years (at least) for the oldest, but I do wonder. I feel like I'm not going to have issues with it or have empty nest syndrome, but you don't really know until it happens.

I think a lot of it depends on the personalities involved, family dynamics, etc.

Like ZG, it was just me and RT for a lot of years. She went off to college her freshman year and didn't like living away from home so much. Her second semester she was home nearly every weekend. She said she missed the baby, I knew she didn't want to admit she missed being home so I suggested perhaps she attend community college her second year.

It's worked out. She did her year at community college and transferred to the nearby 4 year school and commutes there on public transportation. She works and pays her way through school, pays half the car insurance, and pitches in for groceries, etc. She says she's never leaving, I don't really care if she does so long as she's doing good, productive things.
 
It's probably a bad idea, but I'm on my way to being somewhat hammered tonight. Well, I've been up since 4:45 this morning to take the kid to the airport. It isn't taking much wine to get me there.
 
I'm finding myself being way to abrupt lately when having conversations with my 10 year old. It's partly due to the way she converses, but it's not an excuse. I need to change that, because I fear it will influence how she speaks to others.

Abrupt:
brief to the point of rudeness; curt.
"you were rather abrupt with that young man"
synonyms: curt, brusque, blunt, short, sharp, terse, crisp, gruff, rude, discourteous, uncivil, snappish, unceremonious, offhand, rough, harsh;
 
I'm finding myself being way to abrupt lately when having conversations with my 10 year old. It's partly due to the way she converses, but it's not an excuse. I need to change that, because I fear it will influence how she speaks to others.
On a similar vein, Mrs. Maister has a nasty nasty tendency to interrupt my son and I midsentence. I know she got this from her father who constantly interrupts and almost never yields the floor back. Unless you interrupt that man, you will not get a word in edgewise, so I understand it was a necessary survival techinique for her growing up in a dysfunctional environment. Most (polite) people, however, seldom interrupt others while they are talking and I would like to teach to my son to extend that same courtesy. To that end I've started the practice that whenever Mrs. Maister interrupts I will instantly shut my mouth and stare at her in silence until she stops talking. When she stops I'll say 'I apologize for interrupting you. Please finish what you were saying.' It has caused her to become much more aware of when and how often she does this, and she's actually doing it less now.

The way we speak to our children definitely impacts how they will communicate later in life.
 
AIB Maister's 5 Things Friday - The Girl got her report card and its is straight A's. The teacher conference the week before gave us the preview of the paperwork so not surprised but yet still very happy. She is 2 classes above her current grade level in reading and math is almost as good.

However at the teacher conference her teacher was very complimentary about The Girl, but I had to ask if there was anything else. The teacher said that The Girl gets "full of herself" at times (don't we all) and she figures out quickly what she needs to do in order to achieve X and then rarely goes beyond that. I certainly don't want to more on her plate because the combination of school and soccer and dance and church program she has a full plate, so I haven't pressed the issue too much. We, the parents, are very pleased with her.

I do see the "do no more than needed" at home as well. For example she comes home and just drops her book bag in the floor of her bedroom. Doesn't take out her lunch box or clean it. I've threatened to make her eat school lunch (which she hates and I can't blame her) if it happens again. We've told to rake leaves in a certain small area of the yard. Sure enough she rakes them in pile and that's it. I try to emphasize that raking also involves taking that pile to the street too. Our approach right now is to set higher goals for her so she will HAVE to do X to finish/complete a task. My main concern is about her initiative. We'd like her to gain some independent initiative rather than set a goal for her.
 
AIB Maister's 5 Things Friday - The Girl got her report card and its is straight A's. The teacher conference the week before gave us the preview of the paperwork so not surprised but yet still very happy. She is 2 classes above her current grade level in reading and math is almost as good.

However at the teacher conference her teacher was very complimentary about The Girl, but I had to ask if there was anything else. The teacher said that The Girl gets "full of herself" at times (don't we all) and she figures out quickly what she needs to do in order to achieve X and then rarely goes beyond that. I certainly don't want to more on her plate because the combination of school and soccer and dance and church program she has a full plate, so I haven't pressed the issue too much. We, the parents, are very pleased with her.

I do see the "do no more than needed" at home as well. For example she comes home and just drops her book bag in the floor of her bedroom. Doesn't take out her lunch box or clean it. I've threatened to make her eat school lunch (which she hates and I can't blame her) if it happens again. We've told to rake leaves in a certain small area of the yard. Sure enough she rakes them in pile and that's it. I try to emphasize that raking also involves taking that pile to the street too. Our approach right now is to set higher goals for her so she will HAVE to do X to finish/complete a task. My main concern is about her initiative. We'd like her to gain some independent initiative rather than set a goal for her.

Your daughter and my oldest daughter sound EXACTLY the same. I mean EXACTLY. She is extremely intelligent, straight A's, etc., but has a certain level of laziness, combined with defiance, that drives her mother and I crazy. I believe at the age of 10, she already thinks she's smarter than us. When she wants to do something she will try very hard and see it through. But when it is something that we ask of her, or suggest, she gives us an attitude. At the end of the day, I can't complain too much, because she does so well in school. I do worry though that as school becomes more difficult over the years, her inherent defiance doesn't get the better of her.
 
I have said it before and I am going to say it again. I fear that we are raising a generation of wimpy kids. Here is an interesting article about how bad it is actually getting.
LINK

For those of you with kids, how to you balance being tough enough to help them build physical and mental toughness without being too hard on them? The link provides an interesting list. What are your thoughts on these?
Where did we go wrong?

• We've told our kids to dream big - and now any small act seems insignificant. In the great scheme of things, kids can't instantly change the world. They have to take small, first steps - which seem like no progress at all to them. Nothing short of instant fame is good enough. "It's time we tell them that doing great things starts with accomplishing small goals," he says.

• We've told our kids that they are special - for no reason, even though they didn't display excellent character or skill, and now they demand special treatment. The problem is that kids assumed they didn't have to do anything special in order to be special.

• We gave our kids every comfort - and now they can't delay gratification. And we heard the message loud and clear. We, too, pace in front of the microwave, become angry when things don't go our way at work, rage at traffic. "Now it's time to relay the importance of waiting for the things we want, deferring to the wishes of others and surrendering personal desires in the pursuit of something bigger than 'me,'" Elmore says.

• We made our kid's happiness a central goal - and now it's difficult for them to generate happiness -- the by-product of living a meaningful life. "It's time we tell them that our goal is to enable them to discover their gifts, passions and purposes in life so they can help others. Happiness comes as a result."

The uncomfortable solutions:

"We need to let our kids fail at 12 - which is far better than at 42," he says. "We need to tell them the truth (with grace) that the notion of 'you can do anything you want' is not necessarily true."

Kids need to align their dreams with their gifts. Every girl with a lovely voice won't sing at the Met; every Little League baseball star won't play for the major leagues.

• Allow them to get into trouble and accept the consequences. It's okay to make a "C-." Next time, they'll try harder to make an "A".

• Balance autonomy with responsibility. If your son borrows the car, he also has to re-fill the tank.

• Collaborate with the teacher, but don't do the work for your child. If he fails a test, let him take the consequences.

"We need to become velvet bricks," Elmore says, "soft on the outside and hard on the inside and allow children to fail while they are young in order to succeed when they are adults."
 
I have said it before and I am going to say it again. I fear that we are raising a generation of wimpy kids. Here is an interesting article about how bad it is actually getting.
LINK

For those of you with kids, how to you balance being tough enough to help them build physical and mental toughness without being too hard on them? The link provides an interesting list. What are your thoughts on these?

I always feel weird reading and posting in this thread, cause I don't have kids.... and kind of am a kid.. in a way.. anyway, I disagree with the following:

• Allow them to get into trouble and accept the consequences. It's okay to make a "C-." Next time, they'll try harder to make an "A".

I disagree simply because, as a child who was not allowed to come home with anything less than a B on their report card... I became someone who constructed their identity around the concept of an "A student".. and this identity has carried with me throughout my schooling into university... and I suppose my jobs as well.
But upon receiving my first crap grade... a C, in math.. in highschool, I no longer felt capable of anything better in math.. and I became a "C student" in math... I think because of my own beliefs about my abilities... not my actual capacity to do better.

I think the way kids view themselves is really important, if they think they can be an A student, they will be an A student. Ironically, I think in order for them to believe that they can be A students, they need to never be anything less in the first place. Maybe its just me, but I tend to give up on things that I THINK I'm not good at.. who likes doing things they suck at? ... So, I don't think people should tell their kids its okay to mess up. That's the opposite message of becoming "tougher" on them. "do YOUR best" should change to "be THE best" ... that way, "your best" becomes "the best" .... it worked on me anyway! That said, I guess you could end up with an egotistical kid this way.. who knows. not me
 
I always feel weird reading and posting in this thread, cause I don't have kids.... and kind of am a kid.. in a way.. anyway, I disagree with the following:



I disagree simply because, as a child who was not allowed to come home with anything less than a B on their report card... I became someone who constructed their identity around the concept of an "A student".. and this identity has carried with me throughout my schooling into university... and I suppose my jobs as well.
But upon receiving my first crap grade... a C, in math.. in highschool, I no longer felt capable of anything better in math.. and I became a "C student" in math... I think because of my own beliefs about my abilities... not my actual capacity to do better.

I think the way kids view themselves is really important, if they think they can be an A student, they will be an A student. Ironically, I think in order for them to believe that they can be A students, they need to never be anything less in the first place. Maybe its just me, but I tend to give up on things that I THINK I'm not good at.. who likes doing things they suck at? ... So, I don't think people should tell their kids its okay to mess up. That's the opposite message of becoming "tougher" on them. "do YOUR best" should change to "be THE best" ... that way, "your best" becomes "the best" .... it worked on me anyway! That said, I guess you could end up with an egotistical kid this way.. who knows. not me

The quote doesn't say to tell kids it's OK to make C's instead of A's; that was the example given. It says to ALLOW them to get into trouble and deal with the consequences. To me, that means not to do school work for them, or to hover and make sure they do whatever work it takes to make the A's.

I encourage(d) my kids to apply themselves and work toward A's. There were times that they said that they didn't want to do homework, and my answer was that they should do the work, and didn't have to, but they did have to answer why they didn't do the work to their teachers. My son who didn't try at all in grade and high school was satisfied with C's and D's, even when I took away privileges. He's about finished with his first semester of welding school, and is bringing home straight A's.

I agree that most kids are being raised as wimps because their parents try to shelter them from failure. I've learned my best lessons as a result of failure.
 
Not that I disagree with the wimpy kid posts but keep in mind that most of us are wimpy kids compared to our parents and (especially) grandparents. This is a bit of a "kids today" thing that people have been saying for hundreds of years. I think most kids are smart enough to realize that just because everyone received a trophy, not everyone is a star baseball player.
 
Not that I disagree with the wimpy kid posts but keep in mind that most of us are wimpy kids compared to our parents and (especially) grandparents. This is a bit of a "kids today" thing that people have been saying for hundreds of years. I think most kids are smart enough to realize that just because everyone received a trophy, not everyone is a star baseball player.

I agree.. my grandfather grew up in the 30's and 40's working on a farm in the UP, and I think that you make an interesting point about how every generation seems to have it easier than the last generation. I think we inherently want to make things better for our kids than they were for us because we don't want to see them struggle. But I think it takes a particular level of discipline to let them struggle a bit to allow them to grow strong physically and mentally. It is like the metaphor of the butterfly. A little kid saw a butterfly emerging from its chrysalis and how it was struggling. So, thinning that he was helping, he pulled apart the chrysalis to free the butterfly. However, after some time, he noticed the wings were deformed and it was unable to fly. So he asked his grandfather, who explained that the butterfly needs to struggle to get free, and it is in that struggle does it build the strength it needs to survive.

I also think you are dead on. Do you know what happens during the recess football game... there are no refs, no score keeper, and in many cases, no lines on the field. But the kids know where the first down is and where the end zone is, they call each other on penalties, and EVERYONE keeps score. It is only when we get into organized sports do we try to make it easier on them. It is no wonder so many kids are brainwashed into thinking that life is easy and everything will be handed to them.
 
I agree.. my grandfather grew up in the 30's and 40's working on a farm in the UP, and I think that you make an interesting point about how every generation seems to have it easier than the last generation. I think we inherently want to make things better for our kids than they were for us because we don't want to see them struggle. But I think it takes a particular level of discipline to let them struggle a bit to allow them to grow strong physically and mentally. It is like the metaphor of the butterfly. A little kid saw a butterfly emerging from its chrysalis and how it was struggling. So, thinning that he was helping, he pulled apart the chrysalis to free the butterfly. However, after some time, he noticed the wings were deformed and it was unable to fly. So he asked his grandfather, who explained that the butterfly needs to struggle to get free, and it is in that struggle does it build the strength it needs to survive.

I also think you are dead on. Do you know what happens during the recess football game... there are no refs, no score keeper, and in many cases, no lines on the field. But the kids know where the first down is and where the end zone is, they call each other on penalties, and EVERYONE keeps score. It is only when we get into organized sports do we try to make it easier on them. It is no wonder so many kids are brainwashed into thinking that life is easy and everything will be handed to them.

Agreed. Don't be afraid to let your kids fail and don't reward them for the least bit of effort. Say NO, a lot.
 
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