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NEVERENDING ♾️ The NEVERENDING Raising Children Thread

This morning the Boys and I went for a walk down to see art prize. It was so much easier to deal with on a Monday morning as there was no crowds. It was interesting seeing how the boys reacted and interpreted the art that they saw. Some they did not like, others they did. But it was evident that they appreciated much of it.
 
For those of you with little kids, how often do you read to them. For those of you with older kids, how often do your kids read nonfiction books that are not assigned in class?
 
michaelskis said:
For those of you with little kids, how often do you read to them. For those of you with older kids, how often do your kids read nonfiction books that are not assigned in class?
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Both of my girls (7 and 10) read at high levels. We don't read to them at all any more, and to be honest, when they were smaller, I don't feel like we read to them that much (at least as much as I know some parents do, such as on a daily basis).

We did (and still do) 3 things that I think are of even more critical importance.

1. Always make books available in the house.
2. Give them time to read - for us, we always put the girls to bed early enough that they have time to read before falling asleep..
3. Make sure you read - my wife and I are big readers, so it helps to set an example.

Both of my girls will occasionally read age appropriate non-fiction books. I would say every 1 out of 10 books they have is non-fiction. But we also subscribe to kids magazines like Ranger Rick, Highlights, etc., which offer good non-fiction information about any number of things. Overall though, we do not push them, or suggest, they read non-fiction.
 
michaelskis said:
For those of you with little kids, how often do you read to them. For those of you with older kids, how often do your kids read nonfiction books that are not assigned in class?
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Our daughter just turned three and I think we read to her CONSTANTLY. Somehow, I'm at work and she's at home but in some alternate universe I am probably reading to her right now.

I read her a few books when I get home from work, I read her a couple more before dinner usually and a few more right before she begins getting ready for bed. She also likes us to read to her while she's on the potty now. Lately though, she really likes me just telling her the Three Little Pigs or the Three Bears (she also likes my versions of Hansel and Gretel and Jack and the Beanstalk but I can only remember about 10% of each of those stories and I make up the rest). She usually asks her mom to read her a book (or 8) as soon as she wakes up in the morning and then she also gets to read two books before nap time during the day (but generally reads each of those books multiple times in each sitting).

We take her to the library at least once a week for a reading group with the librarians and other kids as well.

On the weekends, if she doesn't want to sleep during nap time, she can sit in my lap or snuggle with me while I read to her, but it's my choice of book. This past weekend we read the Butthole Surfers section of Our Band Could Be Your Life. The weekend before that we read Slaughterhouse 5. I give her a book of her own to hold and flip through and it occupies her attention enough to distract her from anything questionable that might be going on in my book. I was apprehensive about reading my stuff to her at first but my mom suggested it and said she did the same with all of her 5 kids and none of us turned out to be ax murderers or sociopaths... and she reads some pretty dark stuff.
 
We have a reading session with Junior pretty much every night (maybe 360 out of 365 days) before bed as long as he's been around. When he became old enough to read himself, we started to have him read in addition to both mom and dad reading something. I generally think it's a good idea to do this, although I will concede Mrs. Maister is sometimes so militant about insisting this occur every night for a set period of time that it has turned the event into something of a chore instead of a pleasure (which is counter-productive IMHO). Mrs. Maister also takes the drill instructor approach with his homework too, and I note he now resists whenever he's asked to do his homework. She means well, but I sure hope she hasn't torpedoed the rest of his academic career with her militant zeal. Who knows, maybe he'd be resisting homework anyway, even if she didn't get all Parris Island on him.
 
The Girl is 10. We read to her almost every night when she was little and falling asleep. She read books in the car all the time, we took her to the library often, she always gets a new book for Christmas and has many books in her room. When we moved a few weeks back, we wanted her to go through her books to get rid or some and keep what she wanted. Of an entire bookcase of books, she got rid of 10 books. The rest she wanted to keep because " I love that book" even though it was years too young for her now. In every grade she has been one of the top 2 readers in her class.

I read recently that children who are read to between infant and 4 years old will retain more in class & have a higher IQ. Her grades in school have reflected that.
 
Girls are 11 and 13. I don't think either of them have ever willfully read a non-fiction book that their teacher hasn't assigned.
 
Maister said:
I generally think it's a good idea to do this, although I will concede Mrs. Maister is sometimes so militant about insisting this occur every night for a set period of time that it has turned the event into something of a chore instead of a pleasure (which is counter-productive IMHO). Mrs. Maister also takes the drill instructor approach with his homework too, and I note he now resists whenever he's asked to do his homework. She means well, but I sure hope she hasn't torpedoed the rest of his academic career with her militant zeal. Who knows, maybe he'd be resisting homework anyway, even if she didn't get all Parris Island on him.
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I feel your pain. The missus is the same way, as I have lamented on more than one occasion in this thread.Last night my son had a difficult assignment in his advanced math class. He had to take a photograph of the Great Pyramids and then make a hand drawing of the photograph at a different scale. Who does he come to for help? His mother who always got straight A's in math. Of course not. He pretty much hates her because she berates him. He comes to me, who was lucky to pull a C in math. Fortunately, being a planner did provide me with some skills about scale and such. So I was able to let him do his work and coach him when he got frustrated.

And along the line I also told him that getting a good grade was good, but learning a new skill is more important and if that means possibly even failing at it the first time, well, that is also part of the lesson and the learning.

After he worked on it a while, we went for a swim. About halfway through he realized he had his scale wrong and we talked about it. Then we went home and he took another shot at it. I couldn't really tell the difference between his first and second effort, but he could. He was sure he had it right the second time.

My wife is the I-want-perfet results-now type, Which doesn't work with my son. Barking orders turns off his hearing. He takes a little more patience and time to work with. I have the time. I like taking the time with him.
 
michaelskis said:
For those of you with little kids, how often do you read to them. For those of you with older kids, how often do your kids read nonfiction books that are not assigned in class?
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3-y-o Toddler Midori gets 3 books every night, and often more during the day. There's also book time at daycare. He loves books, and I recently started taking him to the library on weekends.

1-y-o Baby Midori tries to eat books.
 
Baby boy had 4 shots and a finger prick this morning. He was NOT happy. :( I can still see his angry little face.

I think he was more upset about being held down by stranger-nurse-lady than about the actual needles.
 
Midori said:
Baby boy had 4 shots and a finger prick this morning. He was NOT happy. :( I can still see his angry little face.

I think he was more upset about being held down by stranger-nurse-lady than about the actual needles.
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Gawd! Flashback to childhood trauma. :-c

My brother and I were playing on the sofa. I fell off and hit the edge of the coffee table leg, cutting a gash next to my right eye. My grandfather was a surgeon, so Mom took me to his office, where my grandfather's partner, Dr. Ogden, was in the office. It was too close to the eye to give me a pain-killing shot. So my mom and the office nurse held me down and the surgeon stitched me up. I think I was five or six at the time. I can still remember seeing the needle and thread seemingly headed straight for my eye for each of the three or four stitches needed. Did I scream bloody murder? You bet I did. When I think about it now, after so many years, it gives me a shiver.
 
A question for Teh Throbbing BrianTM:

How have you succeeded and in getting a completely disorganized 13 year old (she'll be 14 next month) to get organized?

Mama 'Dunker is all over the sticks part of the deal. I'm more interested in carrots because she doesn't respond to the histrionics Mama uses straight out of her bag of tricks.^o)

I'm really frustrated with this girl. I love her to pieces but she's driving me nuts!:not:
 
I'm sorry 'dunker but I have no answer. In fact I see this as a future phenomenon in my life...I can already see the warning signs :-c
 
Gedunker said:
A question for Teh Throbbing BrianTM:

How have you succeeded and in getting a completely disorganized 13 year old (she'll be 14 next month) to get organized?

Mama 'Dunker is all over the sticks part of the deal. I'm more interested in carrots because she doesn't respond to the histrionics Mama uses straight out of her bag of tricks.^o)

I'm really frustrated with this girl. I love her to pieces but she's driving me nuts!:not:
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What is disorganized? Her room and personal belongings? School work? Time management? Something else?
 
kjel said:
What is disorganized? Her room and personal belongings? School work? Time management? Something else?
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Yes.8-!

We can deal with the messy room/belongings, but it's the schoolwork not being done/turned in and leading to poor grades that is the priority. Especially since next year could cost $10K to send her to HS. Mama is already threatening public school, which would be a disaster, IMO.

I'm thinking a written list of expectations with small rewards/privileges for meeting the goals.
 
Gedunker said:
Yes.8-!

We can deal with the messy room/belongings, but it's the schoolwork not being done/turned in and leading to poor grades that is the priority. Especially since next year could cost $10K to send her to HS. Mama is already threatening public school, which would be a disaster, IMO.

I'm thinking a written list of expectations with small rewards/privileges for meeting the goals.
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The room and belongings (if she doesn't share a room) can be dealt with by shutting the door and making her do her own laundry.

School work and time management are common struggles for middle school kids, but it's important to get a handle on because I think it has a lot to do with surviving high school.

There are many "systems" that can be used, frankly the system is itself less important that putting together one that works and is consistently applied.

RT struggled with this a bit and the solution was a small binder with divided tabs that had pockets for each subject and an assignment book. Since each class had its own binder (she's a fan of the Mead 5 Star Flex Hybrid Note Binder) it was easier to keep track of things. The real gold was and still is the assignment book. There are many out there but the basic thing that is required is enough space to write all the daily assignments for the week-when they were assigned and when the work is due. It gives her something to reference and something for you to follow up on and she can mark off things with a highlighter or sticker when they are complete.

Time management can be as easy as you putting together a chart with the hours of the day in the left and you have a column for each day. Block off the hours for school days or particular classes, budget time for a break after school to get a snack or after school activity, plan the time for homework and stick to that time and make sure there's no distraction like tv, internet, cell phone, gaming system, schedule dinner on that chart, and bath and bedtime too depending on the household routine-print multiple copies and put one in each binder and the assignment book as well as on the fridge or her study space at home.

RT is a college junior....she still uses the assignment book, the binders, and the chart schedule (she makes a fancy one in Excel). It helps her stay focused.
 
Last night, I watched a dad pick up his toddler (about 2 or 3ish) put a helmet on him, put him on his Harley, and they drove out of the gas station parking lot togeather. The dad was not wearing a helmet and he had the kid in front of him. A cop was right there and did not do anything so I am guessing it might not be illegal... maybe? :-|

I am not sure how I feel about this. On one hand, we have laws requiring a kid of that age to be buckled into a car seat or booster seat and properly secured... but there is no way to do that on a motorcycle. On the other hand, the dad might be an awesome and safe biker (although he did not have a helmet on so I doubt he is) and would never drive in a manor that would jeopardize the safety of his son.
 
They had a substitute teacher for Junior's 2nd grade class on Monday. Yesterday teacher gets a report from sub that on Monday Junior was "being disruptive by trying to instruct other students instead of letting the teacher do her job." This would not be the first time this sort of thing has happened - last year, the first grade teacher reported having the same problem at the beginning of the school year. Teacher asks Junior about the reported behavior on Monday with the substitute and he reportedly started to admit to it, but when teacher says she will be sending home a behavior referral note to parents, he quickly reverses course and states he has no idea what the sub is talking about. When parents confront him about the referral note, Junior steadfastly maintains his innocence, stating he has 'no idea' why substitute would be making such allegations. Parents know damned well he is lying, but of course do not have direct proof. When parents suggest they should ask classmates (who would be at Cub Scouts last night) about Monday's events, Junior blithely says 'go ahead' (at Cub Scout meeting said classmates claim to have no recollection of the distant and hazy events of yesterday). When parents suggest they may wish to see the "tape" of Monday's class (there is no such recording, but Junior probably doesn't know that) and offer Junior one last chance to come clean he defiantly states 'yes, do that.'

Neither parent is particularly concerned about the behavior referral itself, but Parent A thinks it's maybe important for Junior to think his parents believe him when he tells them something and wants to hold off on punishment. Parent B thinks Junior is testing parents/engaging in brinksmanship and wants to punish the ever loving hell outta him for lying.

What does the Throbbing Brain suggest?
 
Maister said:
They had a substitute teacher for Junior's 2nd grade class on Monday. Yesterday teacher gets a report from sub that on Monday Junior was "being disruptive by trying to instruct other students instead of letting the teacher do her job." This would not be the first time this sort of thing has happened - last year, the first grade teacher reported having the same problem at the beginning of the school year. Teacher asks Junior about the reported behavior on Monday with the substitute and he reportedly started to admit to it, but when teacher says she will be sending home a behavior referral note to parents, he quickly reverses course and states he has no idea what the sub is talking about. When parents confront him about the referral note, Junior steadfastly maintains his innocence, stating he has 'no idea' why substitute would be making such allegations. Parents know damned well he is lying, but of course do not have direct proof. When parents suggest they should ask classmates (who would be at Cub Scouts last night) about Monday's events, Junior blithely says 'go ahead' (at Cub Scout meeting said classmates claim to have no recollection of the distant and hazy events of yesterday). When parents suggest they may wish to see the "tape" of Monday's class (there is no such recording, but Junior probably doesn't know that) and offer Junior one last chance to come clean he defiantly states 'yes, do that.'

Neither parent is particularly concerned about the behavior referral itself, but Parent A thinks it's maybe important for Junior to think his parents believe him when he tells them something and wants to hold off on punishment. Parent B thinks Junior is testing parents/engaging in brinksmanship and wants to punish the ever loving hell outta him for lying.

What does the Throbbing Brain suggest?
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I agree that the infraction itself is a very minor one that warrants maybe a conversation ("This will not the be the last time you can manage a situation better than the person who is actually in charge; accepting that injustice gracefully is an important skill in life."), and also that the lying about it is a much more important problem.

I'd probably explain to Junior that I'm not that upset about the "misbehavior" but care much more about the possibility that I can't trust my child. Whatever trouble he might be in we can work through, but trust is much harder to repair. One day he might be in much, much bigger trouble, but if he can't tell me about it, I can't help him work through it.
 
WSU MUP Student said:
Isn't your wife a lawyer? It sounds like Junior is taking after mother! :lmao:
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Joking aside, Junior would make a frighteningly good lawyer someday. He is already a master of twisting and parsing the meaning of words out of parents mouths. That's not necessarily a good thing IMO.
 
Midori said:
I'd probably explain to Junior that I'm not that upset about the "misbehavior" but care much more about the possibility that I can't trust my child. Whatever trouble he might be in we can work through, but trust is much harder to repair. One day he might be in much, much bigger trouble, but if he can't tell me about it, I can't help him work through it.
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This is what we've tried to impress upon our daughters. We constantly tell them that unless they tell us the truth, we can't help them like we want too.
 
Maister said:
Joking aside, Junior would make a frighteningly good lawyer someday. He is already a master of twisting and parsing the meaning of words out of parents mouths. That's not necessarily a good thing IMO.
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Ugh, Toddler Midori is right down this track, too. It's scary.
 
Anyone want a 12 year old boy? He is a good kid, makes good grades, but he has been getting on my nerves lately. ;)

I'll even throw in his cat, who is not a good cat and is getting on my nerves.
 
otterpop said:
Anyone want a 12 year old boy? He is a good kid, makes good grades, but he has been getting on my nerves lately. ;)

I'll even throw in his cat, who is not a good cat and is getting on my nerves.
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Send him to mskis - he's trying to make a hockey team on his own.
 
otterpop said:
Anyone want a 12 year old boy? He is a good kid, makes good grades, but he has been getting on my nerves lately. ;)

I'll even throw in his cat, who is not a good cat and is getting on my nerves.
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I would have considered the boy but just the fact that you offered to throw in the cat makes it a non-starter.
 
Mrs. P had "The Talk" with The Girl yesterday afternoon while I was out. It seems she wanted to get a head start before the school thing started later this year.

Some quotes were relayed to me:
"That's disgusting"
"I don't want him to pee in me"
"Why would you want to do that"
"Do you think so & so has done that"

I'm sure I'll be asked some questions when she & I are alone sometime.
Hell I learned from my brother and his magazines. The only thing my dad ever said was "Don't get anyone pregnant."
 
Speaking of girls...

Mine is only 3 and made me laugh pretty hard the other day. I told her I was planning a pretty cool Halloween decoration for the front porch this year and, totally out of left field she asked me if it was a giant poop with a hat on it. :lmao:
 
Planit said:
The only thing my dad ever said was "Don't get anyone pregnant."
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My parents sat me down and told me to watch a video. I think I will be proactive as well. It is better to be open and proactive and quiet and assuming.

I have boys though. I think "don't get anyone pregnant" is a fair request. I might try that.
 
otterpop said:
Anyone want a 12 year old boy? He is a good kid, makes good grades, but he has been getting on my nerves lately. ;)

I'll even throw in his cat, who is not a good cat and is getting on my nerves.
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Planit said:
Send him to mskis - he's trying to make a hockey team on his own.
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The kid might be ok... but if the cat is involved there is no deal. I hate cats.

Planit said:
(SNIP) The only thing my dad ever said was "Don't get anyone pregnant."
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That is funny because my dad told me "Don't get anyone pregnant and don't bring home ugly women!"
 
Zoning Goddess said:
My only child is moving to WA state next month. I am having a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach every time I think of it.
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I know you will worry, it's a mother's prerogative. But he'll be fine as he has people he knows there and a lead on a job, it will be good for him to be out of the nest and learn how to figure out how to survive on his own. At lease these days there is technology to help keep in touch.
 
kjel said:
I know you will worry, it's a mother's prerogative. But he'll be fine as he has people he knows there and a lead on a job, it will be good for him to be out of the nest and learn how to figure out how to survive on his own. At lease these days there is technology to help keep in touch.
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And you can use your frequent flyer miles to go visit!
 
Zoning Goddess said:
My only child is moving to WA state next month. I am having a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach every time I think of it.
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It will be good for all three of you...eventually. If you catch RJ doing the happy dance, don't be too hard on him. You'll get there too.
 
ofos said:
It will be good for all three of you...eventually. If you catch RJ doing the happy dance, don't be too hard on him. You'll get there too.
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Yeah, all he can think about is "You can walk around topless!". As if.:r:

To be fair, he keeps asking how I'm doing, and hugging me a lot.
 
Veloise said:
And you can use your frequent flyer miles to go visit!
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Ah, I gave him frequent flyer miles to save $360 on the ticket.

I am looking to liquidate some gold and silver jewelry I have no use for, and (maybe) some miscellaneous pieces of sterling flatware that belonged to my great-aunt, to help him buy a car. But I need to get a good magnifying glass to do some research on the flatware.

He was so mad at me today ("accidentally" overheard a conversation RJ and I were having about him last night...) he offered to walk out of my life forever, forego a car, give up his phone, etc. The monetary savings were tempting. He may be miserable here, but he fails to see the frustration of seeing a smart kid kicked out school for truancy who is now 20 and has refused to get a job/leave his room for years. And no, there is no agoraphobia involved; it's all RJ and me being the parent/step-parent from hell (in his mind).
 
Zoning Goddess said:
Ah, I gave him frequent flyer miles to save $360 on the ticket.

I am looking to liquidate some gold and silver jewelry I have no use for, and (maybe) some miscellaneous pieces of sterling flatware that belonged to my great-aunt, to help him buy a car. But I need to get a good magnifying glass to do some research on the flatware.

He was so mad at me today ("accidentally" overheard a conversation RJ and I were having about him last night...) he offered to walk out of my life forever, forego a car, give up his phone, etc. The monetary savings were tempting. He may be miserable here, but he fails to see the frustration of seeing a smart kid kicked out school for truancy who is now 20 and has refused to get a job/leave his room for years. And no, there is no agoraphobia involved; it's all RJ and me being the parent/step-parent from hell (in his mind).
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Let him figure out the big world himself. He can buy his own car when he starts working and saves some money. He'll figure out that the world is not as easy as he thinks it is. Where he is going has a reasonable bus system and a bicycle will get him around decently enough. You gave him the miles for the ticket, if it makes you feel better give him $200-300 in cash to take with him to tide him over til he gets a paycheck, and let him decide what he is going to take with him. Make him pack whatever he wants to keep and store it in the garage. Whatever doesn't go with him or isn't packed up, get rid of it.
 
ZG - he has to do this or he'll never figure it out. But don't forget to buy him a new U of F shirt before he leaves. ;)
 
Planit said:
ZG - he has to do this or he'll never figure it out. But don't forget to buy him a new U of F shirt before he leaves. ;)
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Oh, he's got half a dozen, plus boxers, hoodie, sleep pants, etc. He'll be a walking ad for Gainesville.

kjel, thanks for the transit tip. Not sure where in town he'll be living, but it would help if he wasn't having to depend on his buddies for every trip.
 
Look out big wide world, here he comes!

kjel said:
Let him figure out the big world himself. He can buy his own car when he starts working and saves some money. He'll figure out that the world is not as easy as he thinks it is. Where he is going has a reasonable bus system and a bicycle will get him around decently enough. You gave him the miles for the ticket, if it makes you feel better give him $200-300 in cash to take with him to tide him over til he gets a paycheck, and let him decide what he is going to take with him. Make him pack whatever he wants to keep and store it in the garage. Whatever doesn't go with him or isn't packed up, get rid of it.
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ZG, you know I love you.

From my single child-free gal viewpoint, I'm feeling vicarious pride that he realized he needs to do this, and how to make it happen. Yes, three time zones are a big leap...maybe he'll eventually land back in FL or someplace closer than Washington state.

Most kids leave home at 17 or 18 to go experience college life (underage drinking! frat parties! tuition tuition tuition!). You enjoyed his company (yes, I know) for a couple extra years.

As always, we've got your hands and back here and on FB.
 
Veloise said:
ZG, you know I love you.

From my single child-free gal viewpoint, I'm feeling vicarious pride that he realized he needs to do this, and how to make it happen. Yes, three time zones are a big leap...maybe he'll eventually land back in FL or someplace closer than Washington state.

Most kids leave home at 17 or 18 to go experience college life (underage drinking! frat parties! tuition tuition tuition!). You enjoyed his company (yes, I know) for a couple extra years.

As always, we've got your hands and back here and on FB.
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Thanks Vel. Guess I'm mostly worried because in college you slowly assimilate and he's going out there all at once. Not that RJ and I won't be thrilled to have an "empty nest". The other question is, do we bother cooking Thanksgiving dinner or pay way too much for a meal out?
 
Veloise said:
ZG, you know I love you.

From my single child-free gal viewpoint, I'm feeling vicarious pride that he realized he needs to do this, and how to make it happen. Yes, three time zones are a big leap...maybe he'll eventually land back in FL or someplace closer than Washington state.

Most kids leave home at 17 or 18 to go experience college life (underage drinking! frat parties! tuition tuition tuition!). You enjoyed his company (yes, I know) for a couple extra years.

As always, we've got your hands and back here and on FB.
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Well said :)

Zoning Goddess said:
Thanks Vel. Guess I'm mostly worried because in college you slowly assimilate and he's going out there all at once. Not that RJ and I won't be thrilled to have an "empty nest". The other question is, do we bother cooking Thanksgiving dinner or pay way too much for a meal out?
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I still cook a Thanksgiving dinner if we aren't visiting friends or family. We skip the whole turkey and just roast a bone in turkey breast. It's plenty enough for 2-3 people and a day or two of leftovers. I still make mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, and stuffing/dressing.
 
What's frustrating is trying to clean a house with an 8 year old boy working full time to counteract your efforts. We give him a specific task to perform, like pick up all the toys in that room and as soon as he's done he's back to hauling out the toys again minutes later.:r::wall::facepalm:
 
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