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NEVERENDING ♾️ The NEVERENDING Raising Children Thread

WSU MUP Student said:
I was out in the front yard playing with my daughter yesterday evening and pulling weeds in the garden when a woman and another little girl stopped by. They recently moved into the house across the street... I didn't even realize the house had been on the market! Apparently the woman looked at the house once a few years ago when it was on the market but didn't buy it and then earlier this year made the owners an offer out of the blue and then moved in while we were away on vacation so we never saw the trucks. Once the weather started getting nicer I started seeing a little girl there occasionally and just thought they were visitors or something. Anyway, the little girl across the street just turned 4 and our daughter is nearly 3 and they seemed to get along great right from the start. It's nice to see another little child so close in our daughter's age in such close proximity since most of the other kids in the neighborhood are a bit older (or infants) and there aren't many kids in general in the little grouping of houses in our section.

Before she went to bed last night our daughter was already talking about the girl across the street and wanting to play with her again.
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That's so exciting! I wish there were more little kids on my street for my son (same age as your daughter... he's cute, yo...) to play with. Hope it works out well.
 
Kids are in new daycare today for a "free trial day." *crosses fingers* I think it will be a good thing. Teachers seem experienced and patient.
 
Midori said:
Kids are in new daycare today for a "free trial day." *crosses fingers* I think it will be a good thing. Teachers seem experienced and patient.
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Who's on trial, students or teachers? Is there a jury or is this like Judge Judy?
 
ofos said:
Who's on trial, students or teachers? Is there a jury or is this like Judge Judy?
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JJ: Don't pee on my shoe and tell me it's raining...
Kid: Sorry I am not old enough to handle my own bowels...
 
Yesterday when I dropped Baby Midori off at daycare a bit late, one of the teachers of Toddler Midori's class was in the office having a meltdown because she couldn't control the class. :-c I feel affirmed in our decision to switch daycares. Put two weeks notice in this week.
 
My close relative + in-law are doing a poor job of raising their children, and there is nothing that I or anybody else can say or do about it.

Said close relative has an extremely wealthy patron. The rules for the extremely wealthy are entirely different from the rules for all the rest of us.

The end.
 
Seana said:
My close relative + in-law are doing a poor job of raising their children, and there is nothing that I or anybody else can say or do about it.

Said close relative has an extremely wealthy patron. The rules for the extremely wealthy are entirely different from the rules for all the rest of us.

The end.
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I have a friend like that too. He didn't talk to me for a few months after I told him that the root of his son's behavioral problems were effectively due to "parenting by proxy". He talks to me now but we don't talk about raising children anymore.
 
Per "Lean In," my daughter is not bossy but is developing her leadership skills she will have her Harvard MBA by the time she is 12.
 
kjel said:
I have a friend like that too. He didn't talk to me for a few months after I told him that the root of his son's behavioral problems were effectively due to "parenting by proxy". He talks to me now but we don't talk about raising children anymore.
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I hear you, kjel. Your solution, that's what I had to do.:glum:
 
Most of these don't bother me, but it is funny how often I hear them....
http://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/fathers-know-best-5-things-never-dad-160200106.html

As the parent that is with the kids more often then not, I am often alone at stores with all three of my kids. I hear it all the time, are all those kids yours? Oh you are such a good Dad. It doesn't bother me really, but when I think about it, it is somewhat of a backhanded compliment. Wow, I can handle them? I guess maybe it is just people not understanding my life?

I am pretty lucky to have three healthy kids. I had an amazing father and plan to be an amazing father to my kids. Why can't a Dad be actively involved?

When did being a good Dad become unique?
 
Hink said:
Most of these don't bother me, but it is funny how often I hear them....
http://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/fathers-know-best-5-things-never-dad-160200106.html

As the parent that is with the kids more often then not, I am often alone at stores with all three of my kids. I hear it all the time, are all those kids yours? Oh you are such a good Dad. It doesn't bother me really, but when I think about it, it is somewhat of a backhanded compliment. Wow, I can handle them? I guess maybe it is just people not understanding my life?

I am pretty lucky to have three healthy kids. I had an amazing father and plan to be an amazing father to my kids. Why can't a Dad be actively involved?

When did being a good Dad become unique?
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My partner gets that all the time. He's a stay at home dad :)
 
Hink said:
When did being a good Dad become unique?
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I suppose people with different family structures simply aren't used to seeing dads being dads. I personally find the scenes that article describes to be foreign. And many middle-aged men seem to play up this persona where all they dream of is drinking beer and BBQing with a bunch of other dudes. :r:
 
Hink said:
Most of these don't bother me, but it is funny how often I hear them....
http://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/fathers-know-best-5-things-never-dad-160200106.html

As the parent that is with the kids more often then not, I am often alone at stores with all three of my kids. I hear it all the time, are all those kids yours? Oh you are such a good Dad. It doesn't bother me really, but when I think about it, it is somewhat of a backhanded compliment. Wow, I can handle them? I guess maybe it is just people not understanding my life?

I am pretty lucky to have three healthy kids. I had an amazing father and plan to be an amazing father to my kids. Why can't a Dad be actively involved?

When did being a good Dad become unique?
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I get irritated when I hear girlfriends perpetuate this, too. ("Hubby is babysitting so I get to go out tonight!!!1!!") No, your husband is not "babysitting." He is parenting. You shouldn't have to feel like you need to grovel for a night out with your friends, or get approval from your supervisor.

Confession: I'm still working on overcoming this way of thinking in myself. It runs deep in the culture I grew up in, and I frequently enable/relegate my husband to the "babysitting" role. We're a work in progress.
 
Midori said:
I get irritated when I hear girlfriends perpetuate this, too. ("Hubby is babysitting so I get to go out tonight!!!1!!") No, your husband is not "babysitting." He is parenting. You shouldn't have to feel like you need to grovel for a night out with your friends, or get approval from your supervisor.

Confession: I'm still working on overcoming this way of thinking in myself. It runs deep in the culture I grew up in, and I frequently enable/relegate my husband to the "babysitting" role. We're a work in progress.
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I have two friends whom their supposes are subservient to their needs. The other day one of the spouses was over since they work and are good friends with my wife. All i hear is:

"oh, my hubby did something so great yesterday! He watched Jackson, fed him, washed dishes and than laid him down for bed. I am so proud of him."


But she said it as if it was a miracle, like USA beating the Russians in Hockey or DVDneal getting attention.

All i could think of is, umm, that's me every night, with two kids. :not:
 
Midori said:
I get irritated when I hear girlfriends perpetuate this, too. ("Hubby is babysitting so I get to go out tonight!!!1!!") No, your husband is not "babysitting." He is parenting. You shouldn't have to feel like you need to grovel for a night out with your friends, or get approval from your supervisor.

Confession: I'm still working on overcoming this way of thinking in myself. It runs deep in the culture I grew up in, and I frequently enable/relegate my husband to the "babysitting" role. We're a work in progress.
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I had a unemployed couple months in 2010 where I became the stay-at-home parent for brief period and I would get the same reactions from the mom's group for play dates I frequented with my boys (my wife and been going before, so I just assumed the role). It's a ludicrous concept. It's akin to the entertainment industry's (particularly commercials) with the "inept dad" character. Yes...I routinely change my child's diaper on the kitchen counter and only feed my children popcorn for dinner...grrrrrrrr....

Then..again...I'm going to play into the "dad is so wonderful" praise. :D
 
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I too find the "It's a miracle when the otherwise worthless/inept dad shows parenting skill and love for his children" trope pretty offensive at times but I am not above milking it when I take my daughter to the playground and get stopped by the attractive mothers who want to stop and talk to me about how great of a father I must obviously be. :lmao:
 
WSU MUP Student said:
I too find the "It's a miracle when the otherwise worthless/inept dad shows parenting skill and love for his children" trope pretty offensive at times but I am not above milking it when I take my daughter to the playground and get stopped by the attractive mothers who want to stop and talk to me about how great of a father I must obviously be. :lmao:
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Indeed!
 
I think I'm onto Baby Midori. He's getting up at night to eat even more frequently than when he was a newborn (as in, every 2 hours or so). Daycare mentioned he's only been taking one bottle during the day this week. Little monster is boycotting his formula so he can have snack time at night. :not: This is not acceptable. |-)
 
Midori said:
I think I'm onto Baby Midori. He's getting up at night to eat even more frequently than when he was a newborn (as in, every 2 hours or so). Daycare mentioned he's only been taking one bottle during the day this week. Little monster is boycotting his formula so he can have snack time at night. :not: This is not acceptable. |-)
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He might be having a growth spurt. I remember those nights.
 
Toddler Midori spent from 4 pm to 10 pm last night having a violent, screaming, shouting, kicking fit, during which I confiscated about 90% of his toys and books, to no effect. He was still sullen this morning. Honestly, I don't know what I'm doing wrong as a parent, but if this is what he's like at 3, I don't know if I'm going to survive the middle school years.
 
Midori said:
Toddler Midori spent from 4 pm to 10 pm last night having a violent, screaming, shouting, kicking fit, during which I confiscated about 90% of his toys and books, to no effect. He was still sullen this morning. Honestly, I don't know what I'm doing wrong as a parent, but if this is what he's like at 3, I don't know if I'm going to survive the middle school years.
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It is a game. I find that no matter how strong you are as a parent, you still end up losing somehow. I have had luck with elevating the punishments for a day and then explaining why he didn't get what he wanted and was punished more harshly. Then I remind him of the punishment the next time and it seems to work most the time. I don't think there is a trick to parenting, I think it is more like trial and error. You find what works with your kid. You aren't doing anything wrong, you are just learning how your kid reacts to positive and negative reinforcement.
 
Yesterday morning I took my daughter to the 300+ acre campus of a local private school that is covered with gardens, forests, trails, and some historic buildings. We packed a picnic lunch and I let her lead the way to explore. She was very intent on showing me certain bridges and flowers that she had seen when her mom takes her there but she kept getting lost/sidetracked. After about 4 hours of running, climbing, walking, playing, etc, with a quick stop to sit and eat, she was absolutely exhausted.

Once we got home she had another small bite to eat and then went down for a long nap with zero fuss. If there is one thing I am good at on the weekends, it is wearing her out!
 
WSU MUP Student said:
Yesterday morning I took my daughter to the 300+ acre campus of a local private school that is covered with gardens, forests, trails, and some historic buildings. We packed a picnic lunch and I let her lead the way to explore. She was very intent on showing me certain bridges and flowers that she had seen when her mom takes her there but she kept getting lost/sidetracked. After about 4 hours of running, climbing, walking, playing, etc, with a quick stop to sit and eat, she was absolutely exhausted.

Once we got home she had another small bite to eat and then went down for a long nap with zero fuss. If there is one thing I am good at on the weekends, it is wearing her out!
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Better watch it, in a couple of years she is going to wonder why she can't go to school there and grow to resent you. You should take her to Cody High (DetroitPlanner's Driving School and Summer School alma mater) and tell her thats where she will end up if she screws up! Made me happy to be stuck in boring catholic schools and WSU.
 
Hink said:
It is a game. I find that no matter how strong you are as a parent, you still end up losing somehow. I have had luck with elevating the punishments for a day and then explaining why he didn't get what he wanted and was punished more harshly. Then I remind him of the punishment the next time and it seems to work most the time. I don't think there is a trick to parenting, I think it is more like trial and error. You find what works with your kid. You aren't doing anything wrong, you are just learning how your kid reacts to positive and negative reinforcement.
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The problem is, he doesn't seem to respond to positive OR negative reinforcement a lot of the time. There are days I worry that I am going to end up on the news, and I have to put MYSELF in time-out or I will do something I regret. Sometimes he's great. He's smart, funny, sweet, adorable. And then there's this little "demon" switch in him that flips with no warning, and it's WWIII take-no-prisoners mode. Every parenting/discipline technique I've read or heard about is completely useless with him. Sometimes I have no choice but to blockade him in his room until he wears himself out (I HATE doing this and feel like a terrible person, but I really don't know any alternatives), but he will come out with self-inflicted bruises, all his furniture upended and every item of clothing, book, and toy hurled in the middle of the floor, pants soiled, holes punched in the drywall from things being thrown at the wall. I kid you not. I have pictures. I've tried holding him when he's like this, but I end up with bruises and bite marks, and it only escalates the situation. Sometimes I wonder if this is medical or psychological, but no pediatrician has been helpful on that front. They all say "Oh, he'll grow out of it..." :(
 
WSU MUP Student said:
Yesterday morning I took my daughter to the 300+ acre campus of a local private school that is covered with gardens, forests, trails, and some historic buildings. We packed a picnic lunch and I let her lead the way to explore. She was very intent on showing me certain bridges and flowers that she had seen when her mom takes her there but she kept getting lost/sidetracked. After about 4 hours of running, climbing, walking, playing, etc, with a quick stop to sit and eat, she was absolutely exhausted.

Once we got home she had another small bite to eat and then went down for a long nap with zero fuss. If there is one thing I am good at on the weekends, it is wearing her out!
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:8: I know where you were-re-re-re :8:

Also a great place to ride bikes, and look at nekkid statuary.
 
DetroitPlanner said:
Better watch it, in a couple of years she is going to wonder why she can't go to school there and grow to resent you. You should take her to Cody High (DetroitPlanner's Driving School and Summer School alma mater) and tell her thats where she will end up if she screws up! Made me happy to be stuck in boring catholic schools and WSU.
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She can go there if she likes... as long as she takes the tuition money out of her bank accounts and not mine. Same deal applies for any of the private schools in the area.

Veloise said:
:8: I know where you were-re-re-re :8:

Also a great place to ride bikes, and look at nekkid statuary.
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I've never ridden bikes through there but once my daughter is older I plan to - we could easily ride there in about 5-10 minutes without having to go on any main streets. I run through the campus quite a bit on my runs and am always seeing something new. There are statues and fountains all over the place out in the woods on trails that seem like they haven't been walked on in a couple of years. Yesterday we kept coming across statues of mythological creatures and it was fun to watch my daughter try and comprehend them.

That campus is probably my favorite place in the area to go and waste time.
 
Midori said:
The problem is, he doesn't seem to respond to positive OR negative reinforcement a lot of the time. There are days I worry that I am going to end up on the news, and I have to put MYSELF in time-out or I will do something I regret. Sometimes he's great. He's smart, funny, sweet, adorable. And then there's this little "demon" switch in him that flips with no warning, and it's WWIII take-no-prisoners mode. Every parenting/discipline technique I've read or heard about is completely useless with him. Sometimes I have no choice but to blockade him in his room until he wears himself out (I HATE doing this and feel like a terrible person, but I really don't know any alternatives), but he will come out with self-inflicted bruises, all his furniture upended and every item of clothing, book, and toy hurled in the middle of the floor, pants soiled, holes punched in the drywall from things being thrown at the wall. I kid you not. I have pictures. I've tried holding him when he's like this, but I end up with bruises and bite marks, and it only escalates the situation. Sometimes I wonder if this is medical or psychological, but no pediatrician has been helpful on that front. They all say "Oh, he'll grow out of it..." :(
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My kiddo was the same way, sometimes just switched from one extreme to the other with no warning though she wasn't didn't go to the point of self inflicted bruises, holes in the wall, upending furniture. What helped me feel it was a stage for her was that when her father and I divorced (she was 3.5 years old) she started to improve at my house, but not at her fathers because she learned she could away with it there and he usually tried to bribe her to stop ("Oh goody, I can throw a fit and he will buy me a toy!"). She's mostly grown out of it but still to this day (9 years) though she will sometimes go in a rage (again, for lack of a better word) where she can't be soothed, she's irrational, etc. but it's usually when she is so overly tired and exhausted. On top of that she's strarting to get hormonal and moody, so that's a lot of fun. :r: Regardless of her living situation though, her personality is that she is strong willed and stubborn (comes by it naturally) and so I try to base discipline with that in mind, and I try to avoid triggers (tired, hungry, etc.)

I know every kid is different, but I would be concerned about the severity of his outburts. Do you think he is doing it intentionally, for attention? Or do you think in the midst of his rage (for lack of a better word) he can't control his behavior? Every kid is different and has different trigger points. Which makes parenting so much fun (not), but its basically a lot of trial and error. Consistent discipline is important, so try to come up with a system that works. If he does damage when he's blockaded to his room, come up with a discipline where he is in your eye-sight, maybe time outs a la Super Nanny? (I did this with my kiddo and it was a lot of work in the beginning to even get her to sit there for four minutes, but it really did work). Have you looked at Love and Logic? I've heard good things about that as well.

Maybe keep a log of bed/nap times, activity, what he's eating and see if there are any common links that may cause the outbursts. It could be his reaction to being tired, he could have a reaction to food dye or something else he's ingesting, it could be a reaction to other stimulus (ie sensory processing disorder).

Try to stay calm and even tempered. I'm learning (slowly) that reaction begets reaction. Now I just have to put that into practice, ha! Kids are smart little buggers and sometimes they just like knowing they've gotten a rise out of you.
 
There are two conflicting thoughts out there on dealing with pre-teen and teen mouthiness: one says to ignore and not provide an audience and kids will realize it doesn't work and stop; the other says that you should calmly and quickly address it so kids understand it is not acceptable.

Thoughts, preference, comments?

Also, what are some ideas for discipline for the same age group? No problems as of late, but I would like to arm myself with some fresh ideas beyond grounding her from her ipod, for future reference...
 
SW MI Planner said:
My kiddo was the same way, sometimes just switched from one extreme to the other with no warning though she wasn't didn't go to the point of self inflicted bruises, holes in the wall, upending furniture. What helped me feel it was a stage for her was that when her father and I divorced (she was 3.5 years old) she started to improve at my house, but not at her fathers because she learned she could away with it there and he usually tried to bribe her to stop ("Oh goody, I can throw a fit and he will buy me a toy!"). She's mostly grown out of it but still to this day (9 years) though she will sometimes go in a rage (again, for lack of a better word) where she can't be soothed, she's irrational, etc. but it's usually when she is so overly tired and exhausted. On top of that she's strarting to get hormonal and moody, so that's a lot of fun. :r: Regardless of her living situation though, her personality is that she is strong willed and stubborn (comes by it naturally) and so I try to base discipline with that in mind, and I try to avoid triggers (tired, hungry, etc.)

I know every kid is different, but I would be concerned about the severity of his outburts. Do you think he is doing it intentionally, for attention? Or do you think in the midst of his rage (for lack of a better word) he can't control his behavior? Every kid is different and has different trigger points. Which makes parenting so much fun (not), but its basically a lot of trial and error. Consistent discipline is important, so try to come up with a system that works. If he does damage when he's blockaded to his room, come up with a discipline where he is in your eye-sight, maybe time outs a la Super Nanny? (I did this with my kiddo and it was a lot of work in the beginning to even get her to sit there for four minutes, but it really did work). Have you looked at Love and Logic? I've heard good things about that as well.

Maybe keep a log of bed/nap times, activity, what he's eating and see if there are any common links that may cause the outbursts. It could be his reaction to being tired, he could have a reaction to food dye or something else he's ingesting, it could be a reaction to other stimulus (ie sensory processing disorder).

Try to stay calm and even tempered. I'm learning (slowly) that reaction begets reaction. Now I just have to put that into practice, ha! Kids are smart little buggers and sometimes they just like knowing they've gotten a rise out of you.
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There are times I've wondered if something in his diet could be triggering or exacerbating the outbursts. I haven't been able to make a connection yet. There seems to be a slight correlation between them and recent TV time, so we have severely limited that. I feel like he's testing limits a lot lately, and so it seems like if we "win" enough of these we should stop having to have them, but he seems to have an endless will. He does get worse if he's tired, hungry, not feeling well, etc., but there's not always an explanation I can find. He also seems worse if I've had a lot of evening meetings lately. He gets very clingy and demanding. I'll have to look at the resource you mentioned and see if I can use any ideas there.
 
Midori said:
There are times I've wondered if something in his diet could be triggering or exacerbating the outbursts. I haven't been able to make a connection yet. There seems to be a slight correlation between them and recent TV time, so we have severely limited that. I feel like he's testing limits a lot lately, and so it seems like if we "win" enough of these we should stop having to have them, but he seems to have an endless will. He does get worse if he's tired, hungry, not feeling well, etc., but there's not always an explanation I can find. He also seems worse if I've had a lot of evening meetings lately. He gets very clingy and demanding. I'll have to look at the resource you mentioned and see if I can use any ideas there.
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I don't know if this helps, but here is my story:

My son went through a really difficult behavioral time when he was about 5, so a bit older than your kid. But he would have these really intense freakouts that even required some physical restraint (me holding him tight, no ropes or shackles!). But they were terrifying and did not seem to follow any obvious patterns I could find in any book. Overtired, anxious because of changes in the routine, etc. all seemed to play a role, but I don’t think were really the cause. I questioned his mental health (and mine) and around this same time he was having these bizarre “night wakings.” These are different from night terrors. He would stir in the night and appear to be awake, even responding to questions (though not with a lot of sense). Mainly he would be very angry and berate us or pick fights and just be generally surly. There was no reasoning with him and it would go on for about 20 to 40 minutes after which he would yawn, get into bed and fall back asleep. He NEVER remembered any of this. Some nights this would happen more than once. It was crazy – and he seemed crazy. And it somehow seemed linked to these other freakouts – one or more during the day often preceded these nighttime events.

It did eventually subside. And I don’t even really remember it stopping except that I was at a party and overheard a woman describing the EXACT same behaviors from her daughter. I mean, down to the tiniest detail. It was kind of spooky. But it also made me feel better that it wasn’t just my kid and it was also the moment that I realized – wow, he really doesn’t do that anymore!

There certainly are behaviors that that I have found little to no information about in any child behavior book or website. But that’s the thing with kids. Some things are just fall outside the norm. And “normal” is definitely a moving target. I may eat my words, but my son just completed 6th grade and he couldn’t be a more even-keeled 12 year old, managing his stress, articulating his feelings, and all of that good mature stuff. I never would have believed it possible based on those earlier behaviors. There is hope!

Hang in there , don’t over think it, limit the TV time and try to have a sense of humor. Kids are crazy!!! But its pretty rare that mental illness actually expresses itself at this early of an age. I’m not saying it never happens, but mostly its just the machinations of a fast developing brain. My prediction is one day you will suddenly realize – hey, my kid hasn’t done that crazy freakout thing in forever!
 
wahday said:
I don't know if this helps, but here is my story:

My son went through a really difficult behavioral time when he was about 5, so a bit older than your kid. But he would have these really intense freakouts that even required some physical restraint (me holding him tight, no ropes or shackles!). But they were terrifying and did not seem to follow any obvious patterns I could find in any book. Overtired, anxious because of changes in the routine, etc. all seemed to play a role, but I don’t think were really the cause. I questioned his mental health (and mine) and around this same time he was having these bizarre “night wakings.” These are different from night terrors. He would stir in the night and appear to be awake, even responding to questions (though not with a lot of sense). Mainly he would be very angry and berate us or pick fights and just be generally surly. There was no reasoning with him and it would go on for about 20 to 40 minutes after which he would yawn, get into bed and fall back asleep. He NEVER remembered any of this. Some nights this would happen more than once. It was crazy – and he seemed crazy. And it somehow seemed linked to these other freakouts – one or more during the day often preceded these nighttime events.

It did eventually subside. And I don’t even really remember it stopping except that I was at a party and overheard a woman describing the EXACT same behaviors from her daughter. I mean, down to the tiniest detail. It was kind of spooky. But it also made me feel better that it wasn’t just my kid and it was also the moment that I realized – wow, he really doesn’t do that anymore!

There certainly are behaviors that that I have found little to no information about in any child behavior book or website. But that’s the thing with kids. Some things are just fall outside the norm. And “normal” is definitely a moving target. I may eat my words, but my son just completed 6th grade and he couldn’t be a more even-keeled 12 year old, managing his stress, articulating his feelings, and all of that good mature stuff. I never would have believed it possible based on those earlier behaviors. There is hope!

Hang in there , don’t over think it, limit the TV time and try to have a sense of humor. Kids are crazy!!! But its pretty rare that mental illness actually expresses itself at this early of an age. I’m not saying it never happens, but mostly its just the machinations of a fast developing brain. My prediction is one day you will suddenly realize – hey, my kid hasn’t done that crazy freakout thing in forever!
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Oh man, THANK YOU for sharing that. Really. It makes me feel better to know that others have seen the same thing and that it turns out okay. We have those crazy night-time rants, too, and you're right--they are usually after a particularly rough patch during the day. Right now I'm focusing on finding sympathy (it must be hard to be little and learning everything about the big, confusing world) and at the same time requiring reasonable social behavior (no, you may not kick mommy if your cereal does not have the exact amount of milk on it that you want). Hearing that others have survived and gotten through to the other side of this madness gives me hope. :)
 
SW MI Planner said:
There are two conflicting thoughts out there on dealing with pre-teen and teen mouthiness: one says to ignore and not provide an audience and kids will realize it doesn't work and stop; the other says that you should calmly and quickly address it so kids understand it is not acceptable.

Thoughts, preference, comments?

Also, what are some ideas for discipline for the same age group? No problems as of late, but I would like to arm myself with some fresh ideas beyond grounding her from her ipod, for future reference...
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Depends on the situation. If we were at home, I'd just shut it down with "You're being disrespectful, stop it." If it didn't stop it was an instant go to your room. If we were in public it's an instant stop it now or you are going to go sit in the car/we're leaving....then banishment to the room and suspension of privileges depending on how egregious the behavior was.

I popped her in the mouth once when we were in a foreign country and she'd had two warnings to stop. Did it in front of 5-6 people, she spent the rest of the evening in the hotel room and her dinner was sent up to her. Rarely had an issue after that. She's nearing 20 now, still lives at home, the stink eye usually puts a stop to anything that's starting.
 
Background: We've been looking at houses for a couple years now and The Girl has been with us to see the majority of them. Also She goes to camp for 3 weeks every summer.


A house came on the market, we looked at it and put in an offer while The Girl was at camp. The offer was accepted and had to begin the process because the owners wanted a quick closing date.

We picked up The Girl from camp on Friday, had a great trip home and listened to many stories. On Saturday, we "decided" to ride through the neighborhood where we bought the house. When we came to the house, I said there's a For Sale sign and asked her what she thought of the house. She said it looked really cool, the front porch, yard, park next door, has many friends in the neighborhood etc. I asked her if she could live there and she said yes, very much. That's when we broke the news that we had bought it and in the process of doing all the paperwork. Well she was very excited and called us crazy many times. Called the real estate agent and was able to go in so she could see the house. Again she loved it - especially the room we had picked out as her bedroom.

Went through the weekend and on Sunday night she went up to bed and started crying - wouldn't talk to me but had to talk to her Mom. It came out that she was going to miss our present house because it was the only house she had ever known.

Well I started feeling guilty about not including her in the decision since she had seen so many other houses. However we would have lost the house (another couple put an offer right after us). I know that she would have also felt the same way even if she saw the house with us because of the fact she was going to be moving anyway. She's back to excited now, but I also know she'll be sad again about moving. Oh well just another step in the parental life.
 
Planit said:
Background: We've been looking at houses for a couple years now and The Girl has been with us to see the majority of them. Also She goes to camp for 3 weeks every summer.


A house came on the market, we looked at it and put in an offer while The Girl was at camp. The offer was accepted and had to begin the process because the owners wanted a quick closing date.

We picked up The Girl from camp on Friday, had a great trip home and listened to many stories. On Saturday, we "decided" to ride through the neighborhood where we bought the house. When we came to the house, I said there's a For Sale sign and asked her what she thought of the house. She said it looked really cool, the front porch, yard, park next door, has many friends in the neighborhood etc. I asked her if she could live there and she said yes, very much. That's when we broke the news that we had bought it and in the process of doing all the paperwork. Well she was very excited and called us crazy many times. Called the real estate agent and was able to go in so she could see the house. Again she loved it - especially the room we had picked out as her bedroom.

Went through the weekend and on Sunday night she went up to bed and started crying - wouldn't talk to me but had to talk to her Mom. It came out that she was going to miss our present house because it was the only house she had ever known.

Well I started feeling guilty about not including her in the decision since she had seen so many other houses. However we would have lost the house (another couple put an offer right after us). I know that she would have also felt the same way even if she saw the house with us because of the fact she was going to be moving anyway. She's back to excited now, but I also know she'll be sad again about moving. Oh well just another step in the parental life.
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Yeah, it sucks. I still have times where I feel guilty for moving my family, and it's been almost 2 years. After 2 years away, and 1 year in our new home, it definitely feels like home again. It just takes time.
 
Planit said:
Background: We've been looking at houses for a couple years now and The Girl has been with us to see the majority of them. Also She goes to camp for 3 weeks every summer.


A house came on the market, we looked at it and put in an offer while The Girl was at camp. The offer was accepted and had to begin the process because the owners wanted a quick closing date.

We picked up The Girl from camp on Friday, had a great trip home and listened to many stories. On Saturday, we "decided" to ride through the neighborhood where we bought the house. When we came to the house, I said there's a For Sale sign and asked her what she thought of the house. She said it looked really cool, the front porch, yard, park next door, has many friends in the neighborhood etc. I asked her if she could live there and she said yes, very much. That's when we broke the news that we had bought it and in the process of doing all the paperwork. Well she was very excited and called us crazy many times. Called the real estate agent and was able to go in so she could see the house. Again she loved it - especially the room we had picked out as her bedroom.

Went through the weekend and on Sunday night she went up to bed and started crying - wouldn't talk to me but had to talk to her Mom. It came out that she was going to miss our present house because it was the only house she had ever known.

Well I started feeling guilty about not including her in the decision since she had seen so many other houses. However we would have lost the house (another couple put an offer right after us). I know that she would have also felt the same way even if she saw the house with us because of the fact she was going to be moving anyway. She's back to excited now, but I also know she'll be sad again about moving. Oh well just another step in the parental life.
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Because you're the grown-ups, you don't have to include her in the decision. Reading that didn't make you feel any better, did it? I told my kids that wherever we move, we're still family. Your daughter "feels" family when she thinks about your current house. Acknowledge the fun times you all had in the house, and let her know that she can look forward to just as many, if not more, fun times in the new house. Ask her to think about how she wants to decorate her room; hopefully things like this will make her feel less sad about leaving the current house.
 
btrage said:
Yeah, it sucks. I still have times where I feel guilty for moving my family, and it's been almost 2 years. After 2 years away, and 1 year in our new home, it definitely feels like home again. It just takes time.
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I moved 5 times before I turned 13. It was very, very hard, but I always made new friends and found something to love about the new place. It does take time. It's the price of progress sometimes. Definitely yes to letting her decorate her new room! Maybe take her to Ikea or something to pick out some new digs. It's okay for her to be a bit sad and nostalgic about the old house--that's part of life. It doesn't have to diminish her excitement about the new place.
 
Planit said:
Well I started feeling guilty about not including her in the decision since she had seen so many other houses. However we would have lost the house (another couple put an offer right after us). I know that she would have also felt the same way even if she saw the house with us because of the fact she was going to be moving anyway. She's back to excited now, but I also know she'll be sad again about moving. Oh well just another step in the parental life.
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If it helps you feel any better, if/when my parents tell me they are selling their house and buying another one I will be incredibly sad. And I'm almost 40 and have been out of the house for 22 years.

Don't feel guilty. You've included her up to that point and she knew you were looking, it's not like you sprung it on her without any warning.
 
Planit as other have suggested, it's tough for a young one to leave the only home she's known even if she's excited about the new house, given she has no experience in the finality of relocation. I was in the moving business for a long time and one cool thing I saw for a situation very like yours might help. Mom and dad had their child write a short letter to the new owners with a favorite memory the child shared about living there, and the hope that the new owners would also make wonderful memories in the home. They included a drawing the child made and a house plant as a parting gift. When we got to the new home in California, I asked about the departure and mom said that their son cried for about as long as he could see the house out the back window, and then it was all smiles ever since. Might be worth a try as you get closer to the actual moving day...
 
I've already moved my kids a couple times, both in the neighborhood and out of state. They didn't mind the moving so much, but they were young and didn't have a lot of friends. Now that I moved to a small town, they have lots of new friends and don't want to move out of town. They don't mind moving from a rental to our new house next month, but they're staying in the same school with the same friends. My kids are making me settle down in a small town, not what I planned, but it will work.
 
Thanks guys - you're the best. I never moved while I was growing up and when my parents sold our home (to move into a condo) I wasn't too sad about it because I had been gone for many years and the place needed lots of updating & upkeep items. It was a very good move for them due to the (very near) maintenance issues.

It's still too close and I haven't talked to her about it yet, but I plan to have a moment with her after the weekend. It's cute too. She is a strong-willed kid (and a very good kid) and wants to be this strong person, but her emotions can run away. She doesn't want to see sad movies (like Marly because you know Marly dies) and I've seen her sniffle at some commercials just like her Mom. She gets it naturally.

I know she'll be okay in time, especially the first time she rides her bike over to her friends house.
 
Junior's 8th birthday is coming up quick. Last night he was taking a bath and kept yammering at me "come here and look at this....c'mon come here.... You gotta see this. come here....dad...daddy....come and see this....you have to see this.....come here...." I was busy reading Grant's memoirs and reluctantly set the book aside to see what the heck he wanted. Evidently 'must see' entertainment is watching a plastic penguin sinking a tugboat:not: :-{ He takes a bath about two or three times a week before going to bed and lately it seems like he's spending more time screwing around in the tub just to delay going to bed on time.

Survey: how old were your kids when they ditched bath toys?
 
Maister said:
Junior's 8th birthday is coming up quick. Last night he was taking a bath and kept yammering at me "come here and look at this....c'mon come here.... You gotta see this. come here....dad...daddy....come and see this....you have to see this.....come here...." I was busy reading Grant's memoirs and reluctantly set the book aside to see what the heck he wanted. Evidently 'must see' entertainment is watching a plastic penguin sinking a tugboat:not: :-{ He takes a bath about two or three times a week before going to bed and lately it seems like he's spending more time screwing around in the tub just to delay going to bed on time.

Survey: how old were your kids when they ditched bath toys?
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The Girl is 10 and still occasionally has a toy or 2 when she takes a bath. However she take showers the majority of the time.
 
Maister said:
Junior's 8th birthday is coming up quick. Last night he was taking a bath and kept yammering at me "come here and look at this....c'mon come here.... You gotta see this. come here....dad...daddy....come and see this....you have to see this.....come here...." I was busy reading Grant's memoirs and reluctantly set the book aside to see what the heck he wanted. Evidently 'must see' entertainment is watching a plastic penguin sinking a tugboat:not: :-{ He takes a bath about two or three times a week before going to bed and lately it seems like he's spending more time screwing around in the tub just to delay going to bed on time.

Survey: how old were your kids when they ditched bath toys?
Click to expand...

RT was taking mostly showers by the time she was 8, probably once a week she'd take a bubble bath and she usually had a toy or two with her which was usually a Barbie doll. I think as they transition to the shower they tendency is to ditch the toys. Get one of those old fashioned egg timers and set it for 10-15 minutes, when it dings he has to get out.
 
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