^ really is an unfrozen caveman planner.. and is related to "link" who lives in encino, ca
^ Wheezes the juice.
^ Once caddied for the Dalai Lama who tipped with total consciousness on his deathbed so he's got that going for him.
^ Doesn't know how to drive.
^lives in constant danger for trying to bring the metrosexual look back home
Has an extensive record collection featuring Neil Diamond.
Lied about Maister's record collection.
(see what I did there?)
^ Mistakenly asked for her backpack to be "mammogrammed" instead of "monogrammed" and has not set foot in Sports Authority since.
Is celibate. All the kids are adopted.
^
Someone asked: "What the heck is that?"
The chicken said, "I dunno. It started out as a bump on my butt."
^ Calls his superfluous nipple "Scaramanga".
^ has repeatedly entered Ron Swanson look a like contests to win a life time supply of Swanson ice cream
^ Carefully poured a Fanta Banana slurpee into an empty wine cooler bottle in high school trying to impress the mayor's daughter on a date with his man-of-the-world ways.