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NEVERENDING ♾️ The NEVERENDING Raising Children Thread

Also, I realize I don't qualify for this thread.. but I was someones child once! And I find parenting stories and struggles interesting/funny/fascinating/etc
 
Vancity said:
I didn't get to take my first geography class until Grade 12. It was never offered.. like you, we only had social studies from grades 1-11.. which was really history focussed, I hated it. If I'd never had the opportunity to take Geography I never would have majored in it, and then I might not be aiming to become a planner. Glad my school offered it!


On a different note:
Those of you with teens... how do you walk that line between being in-the-know about what they're up to, and trusting them/gaining their trust in telling you things?

If you react poorly to something they've opened up to you with -- then they'll never do it again... how do you deal with that?

Likewise, If you pry to much they'll close up and hide things from you -- but if you don't pry you might worry about what they're doing.
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Funny you ask....

I don't know what I did right, but my kids confide things in me that I never would have told my parents. This just happened last night, and my son made a rather emotional confession about a one-night stand that he had. :-c

I don't pry, because that makes just about anyone shut down. I try not to react emotionally, try not to yell or lecture, even though I'd like to.

I'm sure there are plenty of things they don't tell me, but I'm not one to go looking for trouble.
 
michaelskis said:
On the other hand, our middle child's doctor wants to talk with us about his autism test and my wife has not had a chance to call to get the results. Personally, we don't think he is autistic, but if he is, we are not worried. We will just have to adjust a few things and it will be a learning curve for us.
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As a parent of a child with autism...ummm...how to put this politely...it's a LOT more than adjusting a few things and a learning curve. Regardless of where a child is on the spectrum...it changes your whole life. Nothing is simple, nothing is predictable, and well...I'll stop there before I say something I shouldn't.

Your (as I would characterize it) flippant statement about adjusting a few things and a learning curve is frankly offensive to me, and I'm sure others that have dealt with autism for years.
 
NHPlanner said:
As a parent of a child with autism...ummm...how to put this politely...it's a LOT more than adjusting a few things and a learning curve. Regardless of where a child is on the spectrum...it changes your whole life. Nothing is simple, nothing is predictable, and well...I'll stop there before I say something I shouldn't.

Your (as I would characterize it) flippant statement about adjusting a few things and a learning curve is frankly offensive to me, and I'm sure others that have dealt with autism for years.
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I am sorry that I have offended you as that was not my intention. There is no question that there will be a lot of stuff that I will need to learn about when it comes to this, depending on the results of the second round of tests.

The reason that I say 'adjust a few things' is because we don't live a normal lifestyle under any stretch of the imagination. When my wife was pregnant with him, very early on we learned that there might be issues with his development. The doctors had to induce pregnancy very early after finding that he stopped developing shortly after the start of the 3rd trimester and has had development issues ever sense. We have a physical therapist come to the house once a week for a year and a half, a speech therapist once a week for the past 9 months, along with a general development specialist that works with him on behavior and interaction once a week for the past 6 months. We don't go out to eat with him often, my wife and don't haven't gone to church together in 18 months since he can't go and sit for more than 15 minutes, and we each work 3 days a week with a nanny has a degree in early age special education that comes in on the day that we both work. We have him share a room with his older brother as a way to help us out and his older brother can alert us if there is an issue at night. We have an extremely limited menu that we feed him with very standardized schedule in an attempt to form some sort of consistency. Traveling any real with him is done at night or super early in the morning and even that requires is to stop frequently. We were thrilled when he started to walk about 5 months ago because the doctors and therapists told us that he might not walk until he was much older and that we should consider moving to a house that met ADA requirements. (Which is one of the reasons that we decided to sell after we finish fixing it up.)

All of the therapists say think that if he is autistic, that he is 'extremely high functioning' but the doctors and trying to understand if his development delay is because of that or something else. It is very frustrating to be in this whirlwind of conflicting opinions from professionals while you look at a 2 year old that operates and acts and tests like a 12-14 month old. The first round of tests show concern since the majority of the factors were present, so they want him to go in for a second round of tests, including a second hearing test sometime next week.

Trust me, this is no pick nick for my wife or I. But the only reason that we are not worried is because we have already realized that he will likely need help and have issues for the rest of his life.
 
This is why they hire consultants from out of town

Vancity said:
Also, I realize I don't qualify for this thread.. but I was someones child once! And I find parenting stories and struggles interesting/funny/fascinating/etc
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Distance provides perspective. Parents giving advice have a filter that's the shade/flavor of their own kid(s). I'm no expert, but I can draw on a wealth of experience and observations.
 
you know you're a parent when you scrape your knuckle and the only band aids in the house have SpongeBob or Spiderman on them:-{
 
CHILDREN'S OUTDOOR BILL OF RIGHTS
http://www.in.gov/dnr/parklake/7243.htm

Not just Indiana but all kids

  1. Explore and play outdoors in a safe place.
  2. Follow a trail and discover native plants, wildlife and history.
  3. Experience traditional outdoor activities like fishing or hunting.
  4. Discover and celebrate (Your Community and/or State) past.
  5. Camp under the stars.
  6. Climb a tree.
  7. Visit a farm.
  8. Plant a seed or tree and watch it grow.
  9. Splash and play in streams, lakes and ponds.
  10. Enjoy the outdoors using all the senses.
  11. Ask questions, find answers and share nature with a friend.
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I found a Hello Kitty toy in my purse this morning while I was looking for a pen. Naturally, I was at a day long HUD training. I decided to leave it out on the table in front of me. It made people smile.
 
There's nothing better than building playdough stuff with the kids. Until mom gets home to yell at you about the mess you made.
 
WSU MUP Student said:
I discourage my daughter from Playdough because she likes to mix all the colors and it causes me physical pain to watch that.
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Same here. That and when he mixes up food on his plate:-o You know, in some ways I put Adrian Monk to shame.
 
I flinch at that myself, but then I realize that one big blob of rainbow is a great color to have.
 
For some reason the playdoh mess never bothered me, but fingerpainting on the other hand... after the first couple of hose downs that were needed after, I thought "this is a good activitiy to do at preschool". :) But yeah once the colors are mixed together playdoh isn't as fun anymore.

I still feel bad 30 years later... when my brother and I little and were playing with playdoh, I decided it would be a good idea to use some of my mom's jewelry to make impressions on the playdoh... yeah not a good idea. :(
 
What kills me is the wife loves to let them finger paint, but hates play dough. I freak out with kids painting and getting crap everywhere, but I'm good with play dough. In the end the kids win.
 
JNA said:
Article - Tips for raising well-rounded girls in a princess dominated world
http://www.pbs.org/newshour/updates...&utm_medium=pbsofficial&utm_campaign=newshour

Parents of girls do you agree and/or do some of things on the list ?
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I'd say just know your kid. I have one daughter who couldn't give a rats behind about princess stuff and one who loves Frozen and the color pink. I just don't let her wardrobe become entirely pink. Although her room is pink and white. I've tried getting her into other videos, mostly she likes Frozen because she saw it in a theater with mom and the song is popular. She's not trying to emulate the princess thing. If your kid wants to be a princess, let her (or him) as long as they're a princess with confidence and the knowledge that they can do anything and don't have to rely on some guy to save them.

As far as the advertising thing, just tell your kids about advertising. I told my kids we don't buy that one because they just charge you more for a picture of Spongebob on the box and I showed them the price tag on each. They get it and now they actually try to help find the lowest cost item. Next I'll have to explain size to cost problems, but that's another day.
 
dvdneal said:
I'd say just know your kid. I have one daughter who couldn't give a rats behind about princess stuff and one who loves Frozen and the color pink. I just don't let her wardrobe become entirely pink. Although her room is pink and white. I've tried getting her into other videos, mostly she likes Frozen because she saw it in a theater with mom and the song is popular. She's not trying to emulate the princess thing. If your kid wants to be a princess, let her (or him) as long as they're a princess with confidence and the knowledge that they can do anything and don't have to rely on some guy to save them.

As far as the advertising thing, just tell your kids about advertising. I told my kids we don't buy that one because they just charge you more for a picture of Spongebob on the box and I showed them the price tag on each. They get it and now they actually try to help find the lowest cost item. Next I'll have to explain size to cost problems, but that's another day.
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I agree. It all has to do with the kid's interests and balance. Our oldest is obsessed with animals right now, a few months ago he was obsessed with dinosaurs. Our middle child loves Tomas the Train. (it is the only thing that he seems to get truly excited about, so we are happy about that)

The advertising thing is a challenge, especially considering that sometimes it is difficult to find things that don't have a branded character on them. As for the cost to size situation, I have been teaching my oldest how to calculate the cost per volume after he asked me why I bought two smaller cans of formula instead of one big one. Life is full of teachable moments if you look for them.



Edit: I still think that Frozen is a great movie for little girls. It provides a very different angle regarding the princess/ prince relationship as well as the importance of relationships between sisters (and other people for that matter).
 
My daughter likes to put on her Sophia the First princess dress and then go out in the yard and dig for worms and have a "worm festival", whatever that is. She likes wearing pink and purple and frilly dresses but she would much rather watch Spiderman or Justice League than any actual princess show. So I have no idea what's going on...

In the end, I don't care if she likes princesses. We don't call her "princess" or make her believe that she is one or anything like that and so far it hasn't really been an issue. And from what I've personally seen of girls that are all princess all the time, it seems like their moms are the ones who are pushing that. Sorry moms.
 
WSU MUP Student said:
My daughter likes to put on her Sophia the First princess dress and then go out in the yard and dig for worms and have a "worm festival", whatever that is. She likes wearing pink and purple and frilly dresses but she would much rather watch Spiderman or Justice League than any actual princess show. So I have no idea what's going on...

In the end, I don't care if she likes princesses. We don't call her "princess" or make her believe that she is one or anything like that and so far it hasn't really been an issue. And from what I've personally seen of girls that are all princess all the time, it seems like their moms are the ones who are pushing that. Sorry moms.
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You're kid sounds like mine, except mine has a Sleeping Beauty dress and her pet worm (the one she finds today) is named Wormie. I think you nailed it, you treat you daughter like a person and not some personified princess idea. Let them be their own person. And you're right, it's definitely the moms. If it were dads, all the girls would be watching Spiderman and riding motocross while fishing.
 
The Girl's princess interest lasted less than a year. Plus we are way past that phase - she starts middle school next and with that comes a whole boat load of other issues. Her biggest thing right now is her hair. She watched no less than 12 youtube videos on hair braids last evening.
 
I wouldn't say I treat my daughters like princesses. However, I do occasionally refer to them as "princess" as a term of endearment. Our oldest daughter quickly grew out of the princess mindset, while our youngest daughter would love nothing more than to be a princess. My wife doesn't try to perpetuate it, outside of buying every single Disney Princess blue-ray that is ever available. But that's because she likes the movies herself. :)
 
Speaking of little girls - Anybody here read the Dear Dumb Diary books with theirs? The woman who lives next door to me is the full-time nanny/housekeeper for the author and gave us a stack of his books for my daughter. She's too young for them currently though so we've put them away until she's a bit older (they look like good ones for her to read to herself when she's in grade school). What are the thoughts on these? We recently started reading the Ivy & Bean books to her and I'm guilty of immediately going to the library to get the entire series as soon as we finished the first one. I think I've read each book to her at least three times in the past month. This may be one of those cases where I'm guilty of enjoying these more than she does.
 
WSU MUP Student said:
Speaking of little girls - Anybody here read the Dear Dumb Diary books with theirs? The woman who lives next door to me is the full-time nanny/housekeeper for the author and gave us a stack of his books for my daughter. She's too young for them currently though so we've put them away until she's a bit older (they look like good ones for her to read to herself when she's in grade school). What are the thoughts on these? We recently started reading the Ivy & Bean books to her and I'm guilty of immediately going to the library to get the entire series as soon as we finished the first one. I think I've read each book to her at least three times in the past month. This may be one of those cases where I'm guilty of enjoying these more than she does.
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Sorry I know nothing about those books. My oldest is reading Junie B. Jones and I can warn you to stay away from that series. Nothing like writing like a five year old talks to teach kids good grammar.
 
dvdneal said:
Sorry I know nothing about those books. My oldest is reading Junie B. Jones and I can warn you to stay away from that series. Nothing like writing like a five year old talks to teach kids good grammar.
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These series tends to be the trend with the kidz now a days. My daughter is into the "dork dairies" written in a very similar fashion to the "diary of a wimpy kid" series, but obviously from a girl's perspective. These books, to me, tend to "dumb down" the ability to increase vocabulary and literary themes versus challenging books that seem to be age appropriate such as "Where the Red Fern Grows", "Old Yeller" (old smeller), "A Wrinkle in Time" and other classics that were once taught in school.

It seems education is moving towards "well, we should encourage just plain old reading" which is good and all, but it doesn't encourage a challenge. My daughter is currently reading "Harriet the Spy" which she has seemed to enjoy. It seems I can get her to challenge herself if the book has a movie involved. Go figure.
 
As many of you know, we are Catholic in our family and we pray before every meal (even when we are out to a restaurant).

Well, my wife noticed that our oldest has slightly altered the traditional catholic meal prayer by saying "and these guys' gifts, which we..."

We decided that we are not going to correct him quite yet because it is just too funny.
 
We went to a youth soccer tournament this past weekend - being Mother's Day & all there was a lot of pink. Entire teams had special jerseys, parents wearing pink, pink spray in hair - you know all that sort of tribute stuff.

The thing that always stands out for me during these competitions are the ranges of parenting skills on display for all to see. There are the nonchalant parents who sit back and take it all in - there were those who were very intense in your face too.

On our team I have one dad who has comments on every aspect of the game he knows nothing about except what he's seen on the kiddie field. He & another dad even have tried to coach and move players positions on the field, during a game from the parents sidelines. He has also traumatized his daughter so much she is afraid to make a mistake which happens constantly because she has become so timid.

On the opposite side of the spectrum, I had a girl get hurt during play and after the nurse made it over (I had initially gotten over there to assess and the nurses tent was stationed nearby) I stood up and gave a thumbs up to the parents. They were sitting in their chairs just waiting to get a sign, we helped the girl to the nurses tent and then they came over. After the game she said she hoped I didn't think of her as a bad momma for not coming out on the field, but trusted us & felt we had the situation under control and she would be in the way. I told her I thought it was great the way she handled it and she wasn't a bad momma then asked why she thought she needed to say something. It turned out hyper dad (from the other girl mentioned above), had made comments demeaning their actions.

My daughter actually caught a hard shot in the stomach which knocked the wind out of her. My other coach went on the field to look after her for the same reason as I don't need to be the parent on the field.

I brought roses for each girl to give their moms after the last game. That went over very well and I saw one mom even start to cry. Sport parents never cease to amaze me - in many different ways.
 
JNA said:
Interesting selection quiz

Which country shares your parenting values?
http://www.pbs.org/newshour/updates...&utm_medium=pbsofficial&utm_campaign=newshour

Have you seen that style of comparison graphic ?
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Interesting... but I notice they don't have all the countries listed that I would move to (ie, Italy)

I have seen that diagram a few times. There was a personal development program that I went though a few years back that used the same setup. One was how I rated myself, the other was an average of how others rated me. It was scary and eye opening to say the least.
 
Just got back from the kids "play day" at school. Lots of fun games outside and you know it works when the kids hit the playground after some of the events and just sit in the shade.

Now time to get ready for the preschool graduation. Busy day for both kids.
 
ADHD, ADHD, and Sociological Development

This morning I heard the dumbest thing I have heard in a long time... 2 and 3 year old children being medicated for ADHD. It was on the radio and the medical doctor who was talking about it was totally opposed to the idea of medicating anyone at that age for ADHD or ADD. He sited several medical reasons, but then it took an interesting turn.

The Dr pointed out that he has noticed an increase in the number of people who as adults have sociological issues and are unable to properly interact with others were medicated for ADHD as a child. Apparently, his theory is that there are typical behavior issues that would normally be addressed by a parent that are not present when the child is medicated, and thus, they don't develop an understanding on how to deal with these various issues. He then pointed out that often times, these kids are raised in households with two working parents where the kids watch several hours of TV per day (or video games) instead of getting outside to play and be physically active.

As someone with ADHD, I can see how there would be a connection. I was medicated for a few months, but I felt like a walking zombie, so I found other ways to address it. Namely, I found going to the gym and staying active helped me focus my attention for longer periods of time.

What are your thoughts on all of this?
 
I think parents often over medicate their children whether it's by their choice or just following doctors orders. I know there are real cases out there so I don't want to discount that, but lets not just jump right to ritalin or some other drug just because there's a problem. Try some other things first. I can see the relationship the doctor is talking about, but is that more because of the ADHD or is it because the parents and society didn't teach the kid to deal with life outside a video game? I guess I need to see the research on that.

Just my uninformed expert opinion having never dealt with it myself.
 
dvdneal said:
I think parents often over medicate their children whether it's by their choice or just following doctors orders. I know there are real cases out there so I don't want to discount that, but lets not just jump right to ritalin or some other drug just because there's a problem. Try some other things first. I can see the relationship the doctor is talking about, but is that more because of the ADHD or is it because the parents and society didn't teach the kid to deal with life outside a video game? I guess I need to see the research on that.

Just my uninformed expert opinion having never dealt with it myself.
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:-c:-c:-c:-c:-c Are you saying that some parents suck? :-c:-c:-c:-c:-c;)


(I know of one couple who let's their oldest play video games that the dinning room table during dinner because it is a battle that they don't want to fight. Or at least that is the excuse they gave me)
 
michaelskis said:
:-c:-c:-c:-c:-c Are you saying that some parents suck? :-c:-c:-c:-c:-c;)


(I know of one couple who let's their oldest play video games that the dinning room table during dinner because it is a battle that they don't want to fight. Or at least that is the excuse they gave me)
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Shocking statement isn't it! Part of being a parent is fighting those battles now so your kid doesn't have to fight them later with the bad habits he's learned.
 
dvdneal said:
I think parents often over medicate their children whether it's by their choice or just following doctors orders. I know there are real cases out there so I don't want to discount that, but lets not just jump right to ritalin or some other drug just because there's a problem. Try some other things first. I can see the relationship the doctor is talking about, but is that more because of the ADHD or is it because the parents and society didn't teach the kid to deal with life outside a video game? I guess I need to see the research on that.

Just my uninformed expert opinion having never dealt with it myself.
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My daughter was recently diagnosed with ADHD - she was "normal" for impulsivity, severely low for paying attention, and borderline the other two. I myself haven't been diagnosed with it, but it wouldn't surprise me a bit if I were. My poor kid is just like me. We have chosen to not try medication as she is doing well in school and home. My choice is to deal with it at home, in seeing where she struggles and help her to stay on course. For example, I know I can't give her a list of five things to do for a day and expect that she will remember them throughout the day, so I give her a few at a time, or will have her make herself a list. She does better with repeition, learning something multiple times in a variety of ways. I can tell when she is losing attention. it's just about us working with her. Having said all that, the doctor said sometimes it can get better with puberty, sometimes worse. If she were to get worse and starting to struggle in school, I would consider medication.
 
I can't comment much on ADHD (unless I put my foot in my mouth) so I'll just hope for the best for everyone.
 
SW MI Planner said:
My daughter was recently diagnosed with ADHD - she was "normal" for impulsivity, severely low for paying attention, and borderline the other two. I myself haven't been diagnosed with it, but it wouldn't surprise me a bit if I were. My poor kid is just like me. We have chosen to not try medication as she is doing well in school and home. My choice is to deal with it at home, in seeing where she struggles and help her to stay on course. For example, I know I can't give her a list of five things to do for a day and expect that she will remember them throughout the day, so I give her a few at a time, or will have her make herself a list. She does better with repeition, learning something multiple times in a variety of ways. I can tell when she is losing attention. it's just about us working with her. Having said all that, the doctor said sometimes it can get better with puberty, sometimes worse. If she were to get worse and starting to struggle in school, I would consider medication.
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I think that you are doing the right thing. There are also some food and lifestyle things that you can to do help, but even those are trial and error based on your daughter's personality. For me, structure and schedules work with some but not others. Writing things down and checklists can also help.

I wish you the best of luck as this can be frustrating. It was a dramatic learning curve and when I was on meds I felt like a lifeless zombie. I am now 10 years without meds and find that it is all about checklists, schedules, and writing everything down.
 
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