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NEVERENDING ♾️ The NEVERENDING Raising Children Thread

Hink said:
http://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/jessa-duggar-chaste-courtship-kids-too-183000802.html

Not sure where this belongs, but I think parenting is about the right place. How has everyone dealt with sex with their kids? Is it a priority in terms of expectations?

I think it is amazing to think that you can shelter your kids so much that they wouldn't even kiss before they got married. I kissed a girl in 5th grade for the first time. My parents had no idea. I don't think I turned out so bad....

Pushing your kids to have a chaste courtship is insane to me. I think education and understand is the best way.

How did you go about educating your kids about sex, or how do you plan on doing it?
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My daughter is 10 and in 4th grade. While I am not super excited to talk to her about sex, I let her lead the discussion and am always open and honest with her and encouraging of her to talk to me if she has questions. She asked me last week when I would let her start dating and I told her thirty, hahahah. I will never tell her she can't do anything, but will hopefully teach her to make good decisions.

I don't remember my mom being that way at all; what I do remember is not wanting to talk to her about anything, puberty, boys, etc. I don't want that relationship with my daughter.
 
The Girl asked grandma (my mom, 82 yo) what a blowjob was. I found out my mom responded the same way whenever me or my brothers asked a question.

"I'm not sure. Would you like a snack?"



This came out last night when I was talking with Mrs. P. It happened about 2 weeks ago and was never brought back up while mom was here.
 
Seana, New Jersey is a different world, with different customs and traditions than in the Empire State. We might think they are barbaric or primitive, despite their rich and ancient culture, but they might look across the Hudson, and shake their heads at the idea of such things as pumping your own gas, or not being able to buy wine in supermarkets. Did you ever consider that it's perhaps us New Yorkers who might be the bridge and tunnel crowd?

Q6uPsCa.jpg
 
Dan said:
Seana, New Jersey is a different world, with different customs and traditions than in the Empire State. We might think they are barbaric or primitive, despite their rich and ancient culture, but they might look across the Hudson, and shake their heads at the idea of such things as pumping your own gas, or not being able to buy wine in supermarkets. Did you ever consider that, perhaps, it's us New Yorkers who might be the bridge and tunnel crowd?

Q6uPsCa.jpg
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That can't be NJ. First there's sun, second that girl doesn't have the appropriate big hair, third, isn't the NJ tribe known for it's gold necklaces?
 
SW MI Planner said:
My daughter is 10 and in 4th grade. While I am not super excited to talk to her about sex, I let her lead the discussion and am always open and honest with her and encouraging of her to talk to me if she has questions. She asked me last week when I would let her start dating and I told her thirty, hahahah. I will never tell her she can't do anything, but will hopefully teach her to make good decisions.

I don't remember my mom being that way at all; what I do remember is not wanting to talk to her about anything, puberty, boys, etc. I don't want that relationship with my daughter.
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Sort of along this note... My wife and I have agreements with by brothers regarding their kids, since we are the "cool" aunt & uncle. They think that status might prove useful down the road when kids are often uncomfortable asking their parents questions no matter how open their relationship. They've told the kids that 1) their friends don't know jack shit about sex & that they need to ask an adult, and 2) if you feel weird asking a question to a parent, ask Uncle Burb Fixer & Aunt Burb Fixer.

All my brothers have asked is that we provide sound guidance and to let them know if their kids are in danger. I've also let them know if I think their kids are thinking about becoming active so they can make whatever decisions about what to provide them.

Between my two nephews, I've had some of these fun ones:
  • Yes you can acquire STIs through oral sex
  • What a blowjob is (and how to properly reciprocate)
  • How to protect yourself sexually
  • That masturbation is OK (and the importance of locking the door;))
  • Why/what you should really think about before taking steps sexually with a partner (emotional consequences, protection, possible legal issues, will her dad kill you with a large knife, etc.)
  • How to ask a girl out/how to impress (learn to play guitar:p, j/k)
  • That weed at their age is a bad idea, but OK when older (be mindful of implications for drug testing, legal, etc.)

With those kinds of questions I've laced in direction about how to treat a girl, respect, etiquette, etc. Especially when they ask about phrases that I know were from a locker room and likely included in the same sentence as "bitches," "sluts" or "hoes." I've also emphasized that at their ages (when they asked these questions), that they need to use condoms regardless of what she says and no matter how strong the impulse, and that they should never push a girl toward taking things to the next level--show interest if you are, but do not under any circumstances pressure a girl.
 
dvdneal said:
That can't be NJ. First there's sun, second that girl doesn't have the appropriate big hair, third, isn't the NJ tribe known for it's gold necklaces?
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It is indeed NJ. I recognize the scene. It's obviously from a Phish concert at the Meadowlands in the summer of 1999. However, I imagine most of the folks in the picture traveled down from Vermont or out from Colorado College.
 
I'm not looking for advice here, just wanted to say that the constant bickering between my 7 and 10 year old daughters causes more stress and friction within my household and marriage than any other topic or issue.
 
TMI but I am realizing that as one's kids get older and stay up as late as you do it is just about impossible for parents to spend "husband and wife" time together.
 
Seabishop said:
TMI but I am realizing that as one's kids get older and stay up as late as you do it is just about impossible for parents to spend "husband and wife" time together.
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Yes indeed. We have some very sleepy mornings because we have to wait until they're sleeping at night.
 
For the Spring Piano Recital, my son's teacher assigned him "Piano Man." I think that is a good testatment to his burgeoning piano skills and her confidence he can handle a longer piece of music.

BUT

"Piano Man" is a beautiful but depressing song. The first week wasn't so bad, since when he played it it only sounded a little like "Piano Man." Now it sounds very much. Hearing it four, five, six times a day is really bringing me down. I think I'll need a script for Zoloft soon. Hearing it on the radio a couple times of year is fine. It is sweet, poignant and beautifully written. Hearing it over and over is just bringing me down, man.

This morning when he was playing before going to school, I put a tip jar on the piano and gave him a buck. And said, "Man, what are you doing here?"
 
Classic, op. Classic. :) Congrats to your boy! I owe a lot of great memories to the piano.
 
Seabishop said:
TMI but I am realizing that as one's kids get older and stay up as late as you do it is just about impossible for parents to spend "husband and wife" time together.
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Yes, finding that quality time becomes increasingly harder every year. I am lucky to work close to home, so I often go for lunch. And sometimes dessert...
 
Potty Training

Bella is venturing into the world of potty training. Since she's started asking to sit on the toilet I ordered her a seat insert which came yesterday. I let her sit on it and she was there happily for a good 15 minute with no action. So I took her off so I could use the toilet, no sooner than I sit down does she pop a squat and with great seriousness pooped on the floor while saying "oh, uh-oh, oh no..." She was so cute I couldn't be mad at her, so I deposited the turd in the toilet and let her flush it.

I hope she gets the hang of this quickly.
 
Good luck with the potty training. One child I had to struggle through, the other wouldn't do it until mom asked, when are you going to start using the potty? Here answer, when you stop buying me diapers. We stopped buying diapers and she started using the potty.
 
dvdneal said:
We stopped buying diapers and she started using the potty.
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It's funny how differently kids operate. Mine also stayed in diapers fairly late (he was 3). Then one day he made his mind up to use the potty and did so almost without incident. I think he may have had an accident once or twice the first week, but otherwise never looked back. It was a blessed relief for mom & dad getting off diaper detail.
 
For the third time in a week someone called in a bomb threat to the local schools. The first time it was one of the high schools and was specific (bomb is in the gym).

The second time it was a bomb threat to an unnamed elementary school. Our building is the designated evaculation location for one of the elementary school, so the other day a couple hundred kids and teachers converged on our building and then parents arrived to take their kids home.

Today the bomb threat was for an unnamed school in the district. So every school was evacuated. The elementary school kids arrived once again to our building, which I enjoyed because little children are my favorite people. Unfortunately, my son was on a field trip - to go snowshoeing and winter survival training, and they were forced to turn around and return to the designated evacuation site - our local mall. First time in years the mall actually had a crowd. :( I picked my son up.

I hope they catch this a$$hat soon. He (assuming it is a guy) is costing the school district a lot of money, our kids are missing school and the parents are worrying and losing time at work with these evacuations. And of course kids are scared.


:-{
 
otterpop said:
For the third time in a week someone called in a bomb threat to the local schools.
. . .
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So sorry to hear this.:( Please let us know about any progress they have in catching the perpetrator(s).




[ot]
Dan said:
Seana, New Jersey is a different world, with different customs and traditions than in the Empire State. We might think they are barbaric or primitive, despite their rich and ancient culture, but they might look across the Hudson, and shake their heads at the idea of such things as pumping your own gas, or not being able to buy wine in supermarkets. Did you ever consider that it's perhaps us New Yorkers who might be the bridge and tunnel crowd?

Q6uPsCa.jpg
Click to expand...
This convinced me to change my Location to North America.[/ot]
 
Last edited:
otterpop said:
For the third time in a week someone called in a bomb threat to the local schools. The first time it was one of the high schools and was specific (bomb is in the gym).

The second time it was a bomb threat to an unnamed elementary school. Our building is the designated evaculation location for one of the elementary school, so the other day a couple hundred kids and teachers converged on our building and then parents arrived to take their kids home.

Today the bomb threat was for an unnamed school in the district. So every school was evacuated. The elementary school kids arrived once again to our building, which I enjoyed because little children are my favorite people. Unfortunately, my son was on a field trip - to go snowshoeing and winter survival training, and they were forced to turn around and return to the designated evacuation site - our local mall. First time in years the mall actually had a crowd. :( I picked my son up.

I hope they catch this a$$hat soon. He (assuming it is a guy) is costing the school district a lot of money, our kids are missing school and the parents are worrying and losing time at work with these evacuations. And of course kids are scared.


:-{
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That sucks. When I was in high school someone set off a very large canister of tear gas in the main staircase. It was not a pleasant experience.
 
kjel said:
That sucks. When I was in high school someone set off a very large canister of tear gas in the main staircase. It was not a pleasant experience.
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When I was in high school my friend and I put a dead skunk in the ventilation shaft that fed the gym during a basketball game. They never found out about it because we kept it to ourselves...until now oops :-c
 
I can never tell the kids, but the crap we pulled with our new found knowledge of high school chemistry...they taught us how to make stink bombs using just a couple ingredients and water. We put it on the back of the maintenance guys golf cart. The stink went all over the school. We were never caught even though everyone knew we did it. Denial is everything.
 
Junior is sick today (sore throat, cough, low energy) and I will be taking the afternoon off to be home and look after him. I'll need to come up with appropriate entertainment. Right now I'm pondering whether or not "Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure" would pass the Good Housekeeping seal of approval test for movies appropriate for 8 year olds? Maybe instead I should devise a playlist of cool youtube videos for him to watch (hmmm "Cobrastyle" by the Teddy Bears maybe?)
 
I was 11 when my friend (age 10) and I saw Bill & Ted's first run in the theater with no parents. It's PG (and late 80s PG at that) and a great fun movie for the pre-pre-teen.

I think it would be fine. Can he watch Adventure Time on Cartoon Network? If so, then Bill & Ted's should be acceptable.
 
For my house it's endless reruns of Jessie and Dog with A Blog to entertain the kids. That with piles of coloring pages, a craft box (mess), and whatever else works.

Now that Spring Break is over my wife is wondering how she will entertain two kids for an entire summer. Oh the humanity! or should I say sanity?
 
Maister said:
Junior is sick today (sore throat, cough, low energy) and I will be taking the afternoon off to be home and look after him. I'll need to come up with appropriate entertainment. Right now I'm pondering whether or not "Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure" would pass the Good Housekeeping seal of approval test for movies appropriate for 8 year olds? Maybe instead I should devise a playlist of cool youtube videos for him to watch (hmmm "Cobrastyle" by the Teddy Bears maybe?)
Click to expand...

Mork & Mindy full versions, no commercials on YouTube, each about 25 minutes. Nanoo or is it Nanu?
 
"Why Young Children Don't Notice Coming Cars", WSJ article, 3/18/13

This was published a year ago. Has any new data been collected since then?

Why Young Children Don't Notice Coming Cars

Snippets:
Children as young as 6 and 7 years old lack the perceptual skills of even slightly older children to interpret important pedestrian safety cues, such as engine and tire noises, a study in Accident Analysis & Prevention suggests. Those skills may start to reach adult levels after about the age of 10, researchers said. More than 13,000 children, ages 5 to 9, are struck and injured by cars while crossing the street in the U.S. every year, according to the National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, a national traffic-safety-monitoring agency.
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Experiments at the University of Idaho compared traffic-detection skills in 35 adults ages 19 to 40 and 50 children ages 6 to 9. Participants listened on headphones to 24 recordings of a car approaching at 5, 12 and 25 miles per hour, from both directions, and pressed a computer key when they detected the vehicle, identified its direction and thought it had arrived at their location. The computer was programmed to calculate distances in relation to key presses.

Adults detected the car significantly earlier than children, though 8- and 9-year-olds heard the car before 6- and 7-year-olds. Adults detected the vehicle traveling at 5 miles per hour at a distance of about 48 feet, compared with 35 feet for younger children and 41 feet for older children. On average, the vehicle was significantly closer to children than adults when it was detected.
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JNA said:
Interesting premise -

Why Babies Cry At Night
http://www.npr.org/blogs/health/201...ign=npr&utm_term=nprnews&utm_content=20140414
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I believe my children do this, but were past having another child. We just want the pracitce.

Last night my daughter had the best line.
A couple nights ago we took a stuffed animal away for not going to bed. We told her it would come back the next night if she's asleep.
My wife went to give the animal back and found her in the room playing with her sister - not in bed.
The girl tells me, next time you're going to surprise me, tell me first so I'm ready!
 
dvdneal said:
I believe my children do this, but were past having another child. We just want the pracitce.

Last night my daughter had the best line.
A couple nights ago we took a stuffed animal away for not going to bed. We told her it would come back the next night if she's asleep.
My wife went to give the animal back and found her in the room playing with her sister - not in bed.
The girl tells me, next time you're going to surprise me, tell me first so I'm ready!
Click to expand...

My little one was up at 3am. So was everyone else.
 
Was talking to my kindergartener about the reason for Easter yesterday, and he said, "No, Jesus was raised from the dead on Halloween!" Well, ok, I could see why that makes sense.. :)
 
Spring break this week and The Girl is going to soccer camp @ the local university.
Four British coaches, different coaching methods being used, making new friends (from rival clubs) but ... She is absolutely loving it.
 
We received notice yesterday that our oldest will be attending a reggio emilia school in the fall. We are excited and think this will be a great opportunity for him. It also helps that the school is in a historic elementary school walking distance from our house.

On the other hand, our middle child's doctor wants to talk with us about his autism test and my wife has not had a chance to call to get the results. Personally, we don't think he is autistic, but if he is, we are not worried. We will just have to adjust a few things and it will be a learning curve for us.
 
Speaking of summer camps - We signed our three and a half year old daughter up for a week long one that is basically an introduction to tumbling and gymnastics. The class is only an hour each day at the high school down the street from our house but when we told her she was going to "Summer Camp" she was so excited that she would get to sleep out in a tent and roast marshmallows. I felt bad bringing her down to reality, but now she is psyched to do gymnastics and has been putting on her own gymnastics routine each night before bed.
 
Some college friends of mine are teaching there kids about the world by studying a country a week. They will spend a day leaning about the history of the history of the country, then another day about the geography of it, then another day about the food and culture and will cook a meal from that country, another day about the political system, and finally, on the 5th day they compare and contrast that country with the US.

The most awesome part is they are doing this outside of the regular public school that their kids go to, and neither of them were in the geography programs in college.


My wife and I think that we might progress into that, by doing the same thing (or something similar) but starting with a state a week for the next year, then moving into other countries.

Has anyone done anything like this with their kids outside what the school system teaches?
 
michaelskis said:
Has anyone done anything like this with their kids outside what the school system teaches?
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Learning is a constant endeavor, both inside and outside the classroom. You will find out soon enough as your oldest begins school how much you will be supplementing his education outside of the classroom.
 
kjel said:
Learning is a constant endeavor, both inside and outside the classroom. You will find out soon enough as your oldest begins school how much you will be supplementing his education outside of the classroom.
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He has been going to pre-school since last fall, and we have been supplementing that with a full home school program already. But even the geography part of the program was not nearly has hand's on interactive as what my college friends are doing.
 
michaelskis said:
He has been going to pre-school since last fall, and we have been supplementing that with a full home school program already. But even the geography part of the program was not nearly has hand's on interactive as what my college friends are doing.
Click to expand...

Was there ever a time in recent memory that public or private schools had a robust geography curriculum? Besides maybe memorizing states and capitals and possibly countries of Europe and a few major natural features of the world (e.g. the Nile, Mt. Everest, the Amazon, etc.) I doubt that there is any school that gets really in-depth. In the 6th grade I made it to the state level of the National Geographic Bee and I honestly do not recall ever learning 99% of the stuff I used in the bee in school. It was all just stuff I picked up because I had a personal interest in geography. It doesn't surprise me that programs developed for homeschool families do not cover much more of it either. And honestly, besides just memorizing boundaries and features, sometimes I wonder how useful a more robust program would actually be? You can always look those things up later if you wanted to but no school likely has the time to to tie in to why those boundaries exist; the differences between existing ethnicities, languages, and cultures in a country; migration patterns; economies, etc. But schools (even at the university level) should do a better job at tying geography into classes on economics, history, business, policy, literature...

FWIW, I think what your friends are doing is a great way to introduce different countries to their kids. Whenever we have "ethnic" foods, my daughter always wants to find the country it came from on the gigantic wall size world map that we have and in the evenings she enjoys snuggling with me and looking at some of my atlases. I was especially proud when she was showing my dad our globe from the 1950s and pointing out countries on it that no longer exist (although she was butchering names).

Of course, talking about the woeful geography curriculum of the schools on a message board full of planners who probably already have a disproportionate love of geography is like preaching to the choir.
 
WSU MUP Student said:
Was there ever a time in recent memory that public or private schools had a robust geography curriculum? Besides maybe memorizing states and capitals and possibly countries of Europe and a few major natural features of the world (e.g. the Nile, Mt. Everest, the Amazon, etc.) I doubt that there is any school that gets really in-depth. In the 6th grade I made it to the state level of the National Geographic Bee and I honestly do not recall ever learning 99% of the stuff I used in the bee in school. It was all just stuff I picked up because I had a personal interest in geography. It doesn't surprise me that programs developed for homeschool families do not cover much more of it either. And honestly, besides just memorizing boundaries and features, sometimes I wonder how useful a more robust program would actually be? You can always look those things up later if you wanted to but no school likely has the time to to tie in to why those boundaries exist; the differences between existing ethnicities, languages, and cultures in a country; migration patterns; economies, etc. But schools (even at the university level) should do a better job at tying geography into classes on economics, history, business, policy, literature...

FWIW, I think what your friends are doing is a great way to introduce different countries to their kids. Whenever we have "ethnic" foods, my daughter always wants to find the country it came from on the gigantic wall size world map that we have and in the evenings she enjoys snuggling with me and looking at some of my atlases. I was especially proud when she was showing my dad our globe from the 1950s and pointing out countries on it that no longer exist (although she was butchering names).

Of course, talking about the woeful geography curriculum of the schools on a message board full of planners who probably already have a disproportionate love of geography is like preaching to the choir.
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This might roll into another thread, but it would be interesting to see how, or if, we as Planners can work to change the standardized educational curriculum in the US, or at least our community. I think that we could make a small scale differences, but I doubt that it would change things beyond our own communities.
 
michaelskis said:
Some college friends of mine are teaching there kids about the world by studying a country a week. They will spend a day leaning about the history of the history of the country, then another day about the geography of it, then another day about the food and culture and will cook a meal from that country, another day about the political system, and finally, on the 5th day they compare and contrast that country with the US.

The most awesome part is they are doing this outside of the regular public school that their kids go to, and neither of them were in the geography programs in college.


My wife and I think that we might progress into that, by doing the same thing (or something similar) but starting with a state a week for the next year, then moving into other countries.

Has anyone done anything like this with their kids outside what the school system teaches?
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Books. Lots of books. That's all kids need.
 
michaelskis said:
Has anyone done anything like this with their kids outside what the school system teaches?
Click to expand...

I did something similar, but not so detailed, with my son. The library was a great resource. We looked at different countries, as well as different historical periods (ancient Rome, Wild West, Colonial times), and cooked a sample dish or two, learned about games the kids played, maybe made some homemade toys of that time/place. It was a lot of fun.
 
WSU MUP Student said:
Was there ever a time in recent memory that public or private schools had a robust geography curriculum? Besides maybe memorizing states and capitals and possibly countries of Europe and a few major natural features of the world (e.g. the Nile, Mt. Everest, the Amazon, etc.) I doubt that there is any school that gets really in-depth. In the 6th grade I made it to the state level of the National Geographic Bee and I honestly do not recall ever learning 99% of the stuff I used in the bee in school. It was all just stuff I picked up because I had a personal interest in geography. It doesn't surprise me that programs developed for homeschool families do not cover much more of it either. And honestly, besides just memorizing boundaries and features, sometimes I wonder how useful a more robust program would actually be? You can always look those things up later if you wanted to but no school likely has the time to to tie in to why those boundaries exist; the differences between existing ethnicities, languages, and cultures in a country; migration patterns; economies, etc. But schools (even at the university level) should do a better job at tying geography into classes on economics, history, business, policy, literature...

FWIW, I think what your friends are doing is a great way to introduce different countries to their kids. Whenever we have "ethnic" foods, my daughter always wants to find the country it came from on the gigantic wall size world map that we have and in the evenings she enjoys snuggling with me and looking at some of my atlases. I was especially proud when she was showing my dad our globe from the 1950s and pointing out countries on it that no longer exist (although she was butchering names).

Of course, talking about the woeful geography curriculum of the schools on a message board full of planners who probably already have a disproportionate love of geography is like preaching to the choir.
Click to expand...

My kids went to a Montessori school which is heavy on the geography. My son knew all the countries in Africa before 1st grade, if you can believe that (and also all the states - their was a song they used to remember them all). Way more than I ever learned even through middles school. Geography is integrated all throughout the curriculum pretty heavily and there is a lot of "map work" as well as culture and history of different parts of the world. Its pretty cool.

My son is in middle school now and when he gets into high school, he will begin the International Baccalaureate curriculum. To be honest, I don't know a lot of details about it except that the emphasis is on creating "global citizens" so I can only imagine a solid understanding of the world (including geography) is part of that. We will see.

I always loved geography, but it wasn't a strong part of my public schooling. In fact, it was shoved in with other humanities topics and collectively called "Social Studies." Actual geography study was an eentsy part of what we learned. Much to my dismay.
 
wahday said:
I always loved geography, but it wasn't a strong part of my public schooling. In fact, it was shoved in with other humanities topics and collectively called "Social Studies." Actual geography study was an eentsy part of what we learned. Much to my dismay.
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I didn't get to take my first geography class until Grade 12. It was never offered.. like you, we only had social studies from grades 1-11.. which was really history focussed, I hated it. If I'd never had the opportunity to take Geography I never would have majored in it, and then I might not be aiming to become a planner. Glad my school offered it!


On a different note:
Those of you with teens... how do you walk that line between being in-the-know about what they're up to, and trusting them/gaining their trust in telling you things?

If you react poorly to something they've opened up to you with -- then they'll never do it again... how do you deal with that?

Likewise, If you pry to much they'll close up and hide things from you -- but if you don't pry you might worry about what they're doing.
 
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