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NEVERENDING ♾️ The NEVERENDING Raising Children Thread

I am half tempted on trying to figure out how to have one of us (my wife or I) stay home.

How did you parents figure this one out?

We had one car. I cooked a lot from scratch. Shopped sales. Used coupons. And we had really good benefits through the army, which we were both very savvy about because we both came from military families. Some folks join the military and have no idea how to take advantage of the bennies available to them. So look at whatever resources and benefits you may already have available to you that you might not be making the most of.

I also did daycare at home briefly.

You could pick up some books like "How to survive without a salary" by Charles Long and "The Tightwad Gazette" volumes 1-3.
 
I'm amazed that children thrive and prosper with as many stoooopid parents as there are in this world.


That is true in many cases. What makes me sadder every time my wife brings home another horror story from her job (a daycare) is a lot of children do not prosper with the stoopid parents they have. Some of those kids are problems for my son now :( and likely will be a problem for society in the future. :-c

To clarify when I mean stoopid, (and btrage, possibly mean the same thing), what I mean is parents who make bad choices in their lives and their children's lives due to a lack of responsbility, self-respect, common sense, or addictions.

I have met parents who may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer but are good parents and do the best they can with what resources they have. Those parents are to be commended for their efforts. You can be on the wrong side of the IQ bell curve and still be a good parent. :D
 
I stayed home the first year since there was no financial benefit to me working. I lived with my mom then, got child support and was the relief babysitter for a home based daycare in the neighborhood. The cost of day care drops somewhat the older the kids get so I went back to work after a year and R.T. went to an excellent home based daycare until she was three and then went to a great facility until she was five.

Things to consider:

Will there be any financial incentive for both of you to be working. Take into consideration cost of commuting, taxes, cost of work like clothes, lunches, etc. Think about the extra time it takes getting a baby up, dressed, fed, and ready to take off to daycare and then the reverse. If you choose to go the daycare route what is the plan for when the baby gets sick and can't go to day care, what happens if the center/home provider is closed on a day both of you have to work, who leaves work when the baby gets sick in the middle of the day?

Don't worry, you will figure it out!
 
We are doing the part-time child care thing. My wife stayed home with our daughter for about 6 months, than went to work in the evenings and weekends and went to school on evenings she didn't work. I would handle the baby during the evenings and weekends. We do the same schedule now, but our child goes to pre-school Mon & Wed until kindergarden starts. We want to up a day, but i got to go back to full time to make the math work. Don't worry Zman, you two will figure it out. Nothing like being a dad and spending some quality time when mom is away working or going to school. We get to do cool stuff like go to the park or kick the soccer ball around or throw the baseball around or play with the dog, but that comes with the toddler stage. Take advice from others and just weigh the costs, that will give u the answer.
 
Mrs. P was very concerned about leaving the little one anywhere. For the first year, her parents took care of Wee P and then a couple of things happened. A spot opened up in our churches CMO program (childrens morning out) which kept kids from 9:00 am to 1:00 pm, so we put her in there for 3 days a week, leaving her parents with the other 2 days. Then the Admin. Assist. job a church became opened and one of the senior people told her she could have the job if she wanted it and by the way, if you work for the church, CMO was free. This meant Mrs. P had to quit her job (which she was the HR person for a nursing home - and she really didn't like anyway), take a $4.00 per hour cut and reduce hours from 40 to 24 per week. But she did get to leave work at 1:00 pm and spent time with Wee P. There was a financial hit, but this was tempered by the 'free' day care. When Wee P started school, another job opened up at a company where we know the owners and she was hired full-time there. We are very lucky how things fell into place.

We have a girl here who has 2 in daycare and is thinking of quiting because she said her paycheck only covers daycare and insurance - she is beginning to do a financial comparison.

Zman (and others), trust your gut. These are your kids and you have to do what you feel is right. As others have said, you'll figure it out...and its just the beginning!
 
Most likely, the kid(s) would stay with a sitter in the neighborhood (one of 2 licensed with the State) sitters we have in town). I work in my neighborhood as well and would likely be the one to pick up the slack when the kid(s) get sick or if there is a day off. My office is close to home and the two registered sitters, my boss is very family-oriented and I am able to take some work home if needed.

I think the ultimate goal for us is to have someone stay home with the kids, maybe even dropped to a part-time schedule or something. I really do not want a day care center raising our kids. One thing we'll have to sort through is paying off some debts to free up some cash flow and then we'll work it out. My wife works in construction (a very boom-and-bust industry) so she may be able to go part-time pretty easily, without a huge hit to our finances.
 
^^ Keep in mind that despite the best laid plans having kids is an exercise in being adaptable. Sometimes it takes a couple tries to get the right match between a daycare and a kid.
 
^^ Keep in mind that despite the best laid plans having kids is an exercise in being adaptable. Sometimes it takes a couple tries to get the right match between a daycare and a kid.

Truer words were never written. Our son went to a licensed center when my wife returned to work. It was a screw up from day one. The final straw involved my wife, then a chemist at a wastewater treatment plant, going to pick him up and noticing a strong smell of baby poo emanating from his diaper. (This from a woman that worked at an aged, stinky POTW.) The assistant, when asked why his diaper had not yet been changed, stated something along the lines of 'he's new and doesn't know me yet, so they said he should just wait until one of the others can change him'. Um, no, goodbye.

We used unlicensed home daycares (which does not mean unregulated, at least in Indiana) until they went to school and were very pleased with them. Now, the issue for us is they are between being too old for daycare and too young to be left at home alone. The day camps around here are 0-2 with us, so we're getting ready to panic.:-$
 
Figuring out childcare sucks. My wife and I have used all types. Centers, home-based, babysitter at our house. We've found that no situation is perfect, unless you are made of money.

I'm not ashamed to admit that my wife and I both work full time and our two kids spend all day at the babysitter's house. Do I think "other people are raising my kids"? Absolutely not. That being said, our evenings and weekends are solely dedicated to our kids. Except when they're at grandma's. :-D

I think a lot depends on the kids. Some thrive outside of the home, away from their parents. Others need parent time much more. My kids don't always love having to go the babysitter's everyday, but overall they like getting out of the house and away from mom and dad. But I think we "baby" kids way too much in this society, so my view on this is probably slightly skewed.
 
I have experience with two home-based daycares... one awesome, and one awful. And my tips for finding a good one are that you want a childcare provider who:
- genuinely seems to adore children
- is somewhat laid back, and goes with the flow, doesn't stress the small stuff
- never bad-mouths other families (past or present)
- has a nice fenced-in yard with plenty or toys and activities
- loves involving kids in crafts and creative activities
- takes an interest in your child and what their likes and dislikes are
- has no children, or children who are grown, so their daycare business is their one and only priority

The awful daycare we experienced was clean as a whistle, the woman was very specific on what she tolerates, the woman bad-mouthed a past family who pulled their child from her care, she was so anal and neat that she only allowed each child to have one toy out at a time, she never did crafts with them cause she didn't like messes, she told us she was going to fence in her yard and build a playground but it never happened and the children rarely played outside, and she really only seemed to be in the daycare business as a way to make money from home. She never really got to know my daughter and her strictness put my daughter on edge. We only stayed with that daycare for 3 months.

Both these home daycares were licensed by the state, by the way. And on the day that became my daughter's final day at the second daycare, was a day when I called the house and another woman answered the phone, said she was watching the kids, while the provider had left to talk to her daughter's teacher. If I hadn't happened to call I'm sure I never would have known that a stranger who may or may not know cpr or be good with children, was with my daughter. I picked my girl up and never brought her back.

Now my girls are in a daycare/preschool center. I like that there are so many eyes on the kids, and on all the caregivers. But, with such a large number of kids there I think my girls are getting sick more often, and it is expensive.

No daycare situation is perfect, but in hindsight I realize how wonderful our first home daycare was. It was a shame with that woman decided to retire, after my daughter had been with her for the first 3 1/2 years of her life.

Good luck finding whatever works for you, zman.
 
Maybe I will place the baby in a backpack and take him/her to work with me. Sort of like old time peasant farmers sow the fields.
 
Today's headline above the fold of the local paper - Toddler dies after being run over by pickup. Apparently the little boy was in the yard unattended. Pickup pulled out of the driveway and was stopped on the street. Toddler went out to the pickup and had his hands on the side of the truck. The driver didn't see him, pulled off and the child fell under the truck.

Tragedy is only a moment away. Eternal vigilance is today's lesson. After I read the story I was reminded of the time I lost my son at the park. Out of sight for a moment and gone the next. Thankfully I found him quickly, but it scared me sh**less.
 
my 3 kids are all daycare kids and though my teenager is a little mouthy right now, she is pretty normal and grounded for 16 ;)

my Mom gave me the best advice: happy parents make happy kids

if you are working and unhappy, it shows on the kids and if you are not working and unhappy, it shows on the kids

the important thing is that they feel loved

knowing you in a cyber way, zman, I highly recommend Waldorf daycare/schools or Montessori

in reality, the double full time working parent gig falls apart when they go to school, not when they are babies - most daycares run the work day so they are in one place, all day - it's that wondrous 3 to 6 PM time period when they are in school activities or outside activities or home or not at home that runs you ragged - that's really when someone needs to go part time (we did that when we moved to Maine and it made a huge difference in our lives and our kids' lives because they can do whatever after school thing they want because my hubby is the runner for them) - believe it or not, it's our high schooler who drags us the most around during this time period - the 4 yo takes less energy than our 16 yo

and that's your parenting wisdom for today - call your mother ;)
 
What’s everyone’s thoughts on Montessori programs? Our public school system has one and as long as it is not liberal indoctrination, it might be a viable alternative to Catholic School. (although we are still leaning towards catholic school)

Our little guy is starting to do the baby jabber thing. Now that we have his skin irritation issues under control, he seems much, much happier, does not scratch as much, and is quickly approaching a much desired landmark of sleeping through the night.
 
What's everyone's thoughts on Montessori programs? Our public school system has one and as long as it is not liberal indoctrination, it might be a viable alternative to Catholic School. (although we are still leaning towards catholic school)

i'm not quite sure how letting a child guide its own education can be viewed as liberal indoctrination unless your little one is a closet-liberal.

do some research, speak with parents of children attending the school.

here:

Montessori educational practice helps children develop creativity, problem solving, critical thinking and time-management skills, to contribute to society and the environment, and to become fulfilled persons in their particular time and place on Earth. The basis of Montessori practice in the classroom is respected individual choice of research and work, and uninterrupted concentration rather than group lessons led by an adult. http://www.montessori.edu/

or here:

Montessori classrooms provide a prepared environment where children are free to respond to their natural drive to work and learn. The children's inherent love of learning is encouraged by giving them opportunities to engage in spontaneous, meaningful activities under the guidance of a trained adult. Through their work, the children develop concentration, motivation, persistence, and discipline. Within this framework of order, the children progress at their own pace and rhythm, according to their individual capabilities, during the crucial years of development. http://www.montessori-intl.org/approach.html

or here:
The Montessori method is characterized by an emphasis on self-directed activity on the part of the child and clinical observation on the part of the teacher (often called a director, directress, or guide). It stresses the importance of adapting the child's learning environment to his or her developmental level, and of the role of physical activity in absorbing abstract concepts and practical skills. It is also characterized by the use of autodidactic (self-correcting) equipment for introduction and learning of various concepts. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Montessori
 
What’s everyone’s thoughts on Montessori programs? Our public school system has one and as long as it is not liberal indoctrination, it might be a viable alternative to Catholic School. (although we are still leaning towards catholic school)

Our little guy is starting to do the baby jabber thing. Now that we have his skin irritation issues under control, he seems much, much happier, does not scratch as much, and is quickly approaching a much desired landmark of sleeping through the night.

Montessori was actually started by Catholic nuns

personally I like the Waldorf method better - it gets kids into math and science in a more conceptual way, intertwining it with the arts which is great to little kid learning since everything is intertwined in their minds - it also has more of a disciplined approach to learning, a rhythm to the day of kind of thing, than Montessori is - Montessori allows the child to determine their rhythm, whereas Waldorf has the child as a responsible member of a group and they are part of a rhythm of the day - many schools are filled with very conservative minded folks alongside hyper hippie liberal types - it's kind of neat, really...
 
zman - they are not cheap, no - one other Waldorfian concept is they pay their teachers a living wage - not sure about Montessori - sometimes people start daycares that will term themselves Waldorf-based, which is code for we don't pay to register with the International Waldorf folks and they are often cheaper (our 4 yo son goes to one, it's great)

another thing is it really depends on the kid - our oldest did the corporate pen daycare facility and she loved it, thrives on chaos and disruption and mayhem (still does), she loved to go every day- but our second child was not happy in the same situation as a baby so we switched her to in-home and then when she was 3 we discovered Waldorf - our little guy we didn't give the option, we just started him in in-home until an opening in Waldorf opened up - so it works out - you will be amazed how quickly you will "get" your baby and know what he/she needs, it's very cool to look back on it now though at the time we didn't realize we were so clued in

kjelsadek - LOL, oh come on - hehehehe
 
Let's not scare the bejesus outta Zman just yet :-D

Each scare just brings me closer to moving my family to the woods where I will educate my own children in nature with the dogs (and grow a mondo beard).


NOTE: This life will not include an appearance on Dateline or Hard Copy. ;)
 
Both of my children go to a Montessori school - they are 3 and 8. I love it, but it is a private school and it is a benefit of my job. If I did not have this opportunity, I would not be sending my kids to a private school at all. But, since the option is there, we do...and we love it. Our kids' school goes from toddlers (18 months) through 5th grade.

I have learned a good amount about the Montessori system over the last 6 years and am a very enthusiastic supporter. You are welcome to PM with specific questions.

Bear in mind that being "affiliated" and "certified" Montessori are two different things. "Certified" schools are the real deal. "Affiliated" are often hybrids or modifications. In some public settings, for example, schools are not allowed to have more than two grades together in the same classroom. Montessori operates on a system of "cycles" that are usually 3 years in length. Thus, a child at the Primary level (pre-school ages 3 to 6) is in the same classroom working with the same materials in increasing complexity during those three years. Over this time, they take on maturing roles - from the youngest novice, to the oldest mentor. Its a rather beautiful system, but since this doesn't dovetail with some public system requirements, it doesn't always happen this way.

These would be good questions to ask about a public Montessori school - do they have three year cycles? Are the teachers Montessori certified? Is the school Montessori certified?

One thing I like especially is that the research, materials used and the schooling all certified teachers must pass are rooted in ongoing scientific research about child development. Montessori often has a reputation for being unstructured, loose and undisciplined because if you drop into a classroom, its hard to figure out what is going on. Kids appear to be choosing their own work at random and its not even clear what that work entails.

But now that I know what is going on, I realize that the education is, in fact, very structured and the learning very "deep." The materials children work with are not toys - they have specific rules and ways of being used and children are not allowed to just play blocks with them or whatever. They get a presentation on the correct way to use the materials and need to abide by that. When they are done, they pack up their materials and put them back on the shelf where they found it.

Which isn't to say that there is not lots of room for creative thought, artistic expression, etc. Jut ask my son. He can't think conventionally to save his life. Or maybe its just an 8 year old thing...

Recently, I went to presentation on how math concepts are dealt with across different Montessori grade levels. Holy crap is this stuff genius. The way concepts are taught means that children often inherently understand the concepts before they can put a name to it, which is part of the "deep" learning concept. The learning is very graphic, too, giving a sense of tactile-ness. A chain with 5 beads, for example, can be strung together 5 times to form a long chain. The child counts the beads on the chain, gets used to counting by 5s and then later, the beads are folded to form a 5X5 square. Guess how many beads it has? 25 - its 5 squared! This is the first time that I actually understood that "squaring" a number is actually physically making a square out of the units. They can also cube it in the same way - stack 5 squares and voila! This is all first and second grade work, BTW. I won't even tell you about the Pythagorean Theorum and how they teach that one using visuals. Just brilliant.

Similar approaches apply also to language acquisition, including writing and reading. At the primary level (again, this is pre-school in Montessori nomenclature), children trace letters with their fingers on a sandpaper card, feeling the roughness. Then they write that letter, while saying its sound, in a small container of sand. Then they write it out using a pencil on paper. So, children integrate the aural, oral and tactile all at once with the result being that when it all comes together - it REALLY comes together in a big big way.

My son began reading completely on his own around the time he turned 7 and it all seemed rather magical because of this "deep learning." No Dick and Jane books for him. He began around November and from December to March, he read all seven Harry Potter books entirely on his own. Now he is a reading fiend with a bigger vocabulary than me!

I would add at the end of all of this that there really are many great ways to educate a child and every child is different. I don't think the Montessori method is necessarily the "best" but it has been great for our son. Our daughter is only 3 so its hard to tell if she clicks with it all in the same way, but I expect she will. As a foundation, especially through the primary years (3 to 6), I think it really is wonderful, but not the only wonderful thing you can do for your kids' education. Keep your options open. You've got some time.
 
My son began reading completely on his own around the time he turned 7 and it all seemed rather magical because of this "deep learning." No Dick and Jane books for him. He began around November and from December to March, he read all seven Harry Potter books entirely on his own. Now he is a reading fiend with a bigger vocabulary than me!

Great for him!

I found your observation interesting. My kids have been public school educated and I was surprised to see my kindergartener (6 yr) quickly move from dick and jane style to 1st grade/2nd grade level books. I believe a lot of it has to do with the parents. We work with her and challenge her to understand phonics and the meaning of words through the stories.

My 9 year old is obsessed with books. I've caught him setting his alarm for 3AM so he could sneakily wake up early and read before school.

I've become more bookish lately too and I it seems that we are all rubbing off on one another in a very positive way.
 
Our public school system has one and as long as it is not liberal indoctrination, it might be a viable alternative to Catholic School. (although we are still leaning towards catholic school)

You gotta get over the paranoia. Last time I looked, public schools did not have an "agenda". Sheesh; especially for toddlers....
 
My first son was born when the 1st wife and I were still apartment dwellers. He was subjected to in-home care (too expensive & got ripped off) and a couple of daycare-in-people's homes (cost was acceptable but had to drive across town and one just didn't feel right). Finally bought a house and found that there was an Indian family in our neighborhood that ran a daycare/preschool out of their home. It was a bit more expensive but they really cared about the kids and he loved it. I only had to take him about two blocks. When he'd get in their house, he'd just head for the other kids without looking back. Sometime I felt like he was their kid and we just provided night care for him. Naturally, when boy #2 came along, that's the only place he ever went.

[OT]Suppose the"Snip, Snip (The Vasectomy Thread)" could be renamed to "The NEVERRAISING Ending Children Thread"? [/OT]
 
M'skis you just made this post in another thread:

We eat unhealthy foods, drink alcohol, put fertilizer on our lawns, raise life stock only to kill and eat them, have kids but put them into day care 50 hours a week, oppose religion, spend more than we make, and do just about everything that feels good for the moment, but causes physical, emotional, or fiscal damage.

And you are asking about day care why?? Isn't that against your religion or something?
 
Fat Kids

Sorry, no other way that I can tacfully put this (nor do I wish to expend the energy using my precious tact this afternoon) but what is with all the fat kids out there? How do they get so fat?

Seriously.

As a kid, I seemed to have limitless energy and would use it up outside, inside, mentally, whereever. It seems to me that kids have no problem with running around, bouncing off the walls, etc. However, nowadays you hear so many reports of the obesity epidemic reaching young children and toddlers. Today at lunch I spotted a very hefty child lurking around and I had to wonder: how do children get this way?
-Is it the continuance of a sedentary lifestyle passed down from the parents?
-Is it lax monitoring of dietary intake?
-Using the TeeVee as a babysitter?

As someone with a kid on the way, I am asking this of current parents as to what they have seen.
 
Today at lunch I spotted a very hefty child lurking around and I had to wonder: how do children get this way?
-Is it the continuance of a sedentary lifestyle passed down from the parents?
-Is it lax monitoring of dietary intake?
-Using the TeeVee as a babysitter?

As someone with a kid on the way, I am asking this of current parents as to what they have seen.

90% of the time, it's the parents fault. Poor eating habits themselves transfixed onto the children. Fast food all the time, having the boobtube as a sitter, etc. The other 10 percent or smaller is some sort of genetic thing going on. But seriously, your children early on are a reflect of who you are as an eater. For us, we don't allow junk food in the house. No chips, cookies, ice cream, soda, etc. Snacks for her are veggies, yogurt, cheese, etc. We make it a habitat of sitting down with her to eat dinner. Fast food, yea we have it, but only once a month to maybe a few times a month. We cook a lot for her and she eats what we eat, but in smaller portions. We never force our daughter to eat when she doesn't want to. If she leaves all her dinner on the plate, tough luck, wait till breakfast. Again, the ticket is eating healthy as a couple and just reflecting those values back to your child. Oh and it does help that my daughter loves running around, so channeling that energy helps too.
 
Sorry, no other way that I can tacfully put this (nor do I wish to expend the energy using my precious tact this afternoon) but what is with all the fat kids out there? How do they get so fat?

Combination of things some already mentioned, here's a few more:

Kids don't play like we used to. They aren't running around the neighborhood chasing a ball, riding bikes, playing games. I blame this largely on paranoid parents. The elimination of daily P.E. programs from schools also aren't helping.

Cable, videos, game consoles all cause a lot of time spent in front of the tube.

Family eating habits. Many families don't eat together and when the do they eat take out or eat out. Sometimes I think cooking is a lost skill. I have many of the same rules as CPSURaf.

School lunches. Don't let your kids ever eat school lunch. They have very crappy standards and it's overkill on carbs and fat and much of it is canned or frozen. My daughter takes her lunch every day. The school lunch program is in desperate need of an overhaul.

I would like to add that while I am quite plump (some health issues contribute, some of it is predisposed, and some of it I think is rooted in childhood nutrition) my daughter is a very healthy 140lb at 5'8" tall, eats very healthy, and is quite active.
 
Expecting my first in January, and find out what it is next Wednesday. Already trying to prepare mentally, and there are definitely two things I am going to instill in my kids: First, I am NOT going to have a kid who chooses to plop down in front of the TV instead of playing outside on a nice day. My punishment as a kid used to be that I couldn't go outside, and now I see many kids having to be forced to go outside to play. It's sad. Secondly, my kids are going to eat dinner with us every night at dinner time at the dinner table, not in front of the TV whenever they feel like it. Of course this sounds good in my head for now...we'll just have to see if I can stick to my guns.
 
Expecting my first in January, and find out what it is next Wednesday. Already trying to prepare mentally, and there are definitely two things I am going to instill in my kids: First, I am NOT going to have a kid who chooses to plop down in front of the TV instead of playing outside on a nice day. My punishment as a kid used to be that I couldn't go outside, and now I see many kids having to be forced to go outside to play. It's sad. Secondly, my kids are going to eat dinner with us every night at dinner time at the dinner table, not in front of the TV whenever they feel like it. Of course this sounds good in my head for now...we'll just have to see if I can stick to my guns.

Anytime I hear someone say "I'm never gonna let my kid..." I get a little tense because I now know how it can all go south so quickly when the little demons, I mean angels, actually arrive.

But these are totally achievable and, I think, important goals! Maybe its because we do them too. In fact, we are one of the .0002 percent that never made the change to digital tv, so its not even an option for us (they still watch movies and such, but we have control over exactly what they see and no one can do so without permission).

But nothing is more important to the functioning of our household than dinner together. Its a mainstay of the home and really does serve to connect us all each day in a very important way. I think it will become even more so as they get older. At 8, our oldest is already perfecting his sullen teenager routine, so dinner time at the table helps us all stay emotionally invested in one another and solidifies the "team."

Best of luck with the pregnancy. When you find out "what it is," I hope they say human...
 
Congrats PlanICan! Your life is now over as you knew it. There's two pieces of advise I will give you today:
1. Go on vacation now before "it" (hopefully human) is born.
2. Read the previous 15 pages of this forum - there is some good stuff - some you can use now, some you will use later.
 
Thank you wahday and Planit, and screw you Gedunker :) j/k...we are actually going on a week long vacation next week to Orlando which we will no doubt cherish, knowing it will be our last before the kiddo arrives!
 
So we were happy that we finally have gotten Junior to do #2 all on his own recently and he's now in big boy underwear all the time (he just turned four two months ago). However, he doesn't usually make it through the entire night without wetting his bed unless we wake him up at midnight and make him go. Trouble is, he's a real deep sleeper and these midnight potty sessions are pretty traumatic. He'll scream, cry, fight, keep falling back asleep, repeatedly head back to bed before getting the job done unless we keep right on him and physically restrain him and keep placing him back in front of/on the toilet (the negative associations with coercing him to do it seems to run counter to everything that we've read about modern potty training). I'm not sure who experiences more trauma: him or his parents. Sometimes we can get him to go and sometimes we can't. If we can't get him to go it seems he'll wet his bed about 80% of the time. It's very frustrating. We are almost at the point where we are considering putting him in night time diapers again, but are concerned that if we do so we are going to encourage regression in his potty training. So here are the choices:
1. Let him and his parents sleep in blissful slumber and just do lots of laundy
2. Keep on trying to wake him up even though it feels like we're scarring the kid for life.
3. Put him back in night time diapers.

This is a common problem so we can't be the only ones going through this. What would you do?
 
This is a common problem so we can't be the only ones going through this. What would you do?

Go with #3. My adivce is NOT to wake him up in the middle of the night to pee and just put him in a Pull-up and let things happen. Get a waterproof mattress cover.

This isn't something you should scold him for or even talk about in a negative way. Most of the time, he just can't help it. It's a bladder maturity thing. He'll grow out of it eventually. IMHO night-time bedwetting is not a "potty training" issue - if he's asleep, he can't be trained to hold his urine inside his body.

My five year old daughter is a bed wetter. She potty trained at 3 and has never stayed dry at night (but never an accident during the day). Five year old's twin brother potty trained at 4 1/2 and never wets the bed. Don't ask me how this works. #3 kid is two, not potty trained, but stays dry over night.

I was a bed wetter, too. My parents just let it happen and around 7 years old it stopped on it's own. It might not go that long for you.
 
This isn't something you should scold him for or even talk about in a negative way.
We don't. The conflict/fights usually run along these lines:
Mom/Dad: c'mon Junior. Wake up it's time to go potty.
J: No.
M/D: Yes, you need to get up now and pee or else you might have an accident.
J: *snore*
M/D: Junior GET UP. YOU NEED TO GET UP
J: (starts crying) I don't want to go.
M/D: Junior, you have to!
J: *snore*
(lift Junior out of bed and place in front of toilet)
J: (starts crying)
M/D: C'mon go.
J: I can't go with you watching
M/D: okay, we'll step outside the door
(30 seconds of silence later and open door to find Junior sleeping on floor)
M/D: Wake up. You need to go potty.
ad nauseum.....

We never criticize or scold him (unless the above qualifies as scolding) and don't say anything during the daytime about it apart from telling him at bedtime that we're going to wake him up to potty when we go to bed.
 
I think I agree with everything southsideamy posted except that I wouldn't use pullups: I'd use diapers because the pullups are just too comfortable even when wet. Junior should wake up wet, which lets him know that he has to learn to control his bladder at night. Now that Junior is in big boy pants all day, going back to regular diapers at night may also be a chance to use a 'carrot' approach: wake up dry in the morning x number of times and m/d will let you sleep in much more comfortable big boy pants instead of diapers.
 
I agree with SSA. If your kid is anything like my younger one, even if you wake them up in the middle of the night to go, they never remember it. Which begs the question of whether his body is learning to wake at night and go pee such that he could do it on his own. I'm not sure that's the case.

When we were going through this with our daughter, she would wake up in the middle of the night moaning and crying and we would run and put her on the potty. She would go and immediately fall back asleep. Then she would wake up in the morning and say "I slept all night without having to go pee!" Cut to my wife and I, hair askew, drool crusted on our cheeks saying "yeah, that's great sweetie..."

Eventually she grew out of that, though on occasion, she will still wake in despair because she needs to go.
 
My son had this problem and the doc prescribed an antidepressant with the side effect of slowing urine production. The dose was way less than what would be prescribed for depression and it clears the system in 8 hours or so. It was wonderful! No more bed wetting which helped him feel much better about himself. He could spend the night at a friend's without worry. After a couple of years on it, we just stopped and he had grown out of the problem. I'm not one to willy nilly pass out pills, but this was great for all of us. I wish I could remember what drug it was, but Google probably can find out.


Google scores! The drug is Imipramine.
 
I'd just stick with a night time pull up for the time being. More than likely he will outgrow this as his body and brain catch up with each other.
 
I agree, go with #3 and things will work out. Also do not let him have any liquids past dinner time and makes sure he goes before going to bed.
 
I think I agree with everything southsideamy posted except that I wouldn't use pullups: I'd use diapers because the pullups are just too comfortable even when wet. Junior should wake up wet, which lets him know that he has to learn to control his bladder at night. Now that Junior is in big boy pants all day, going back to regular diapers at night may also be a chance to use a 'carrot' approach: wake up dry in the morning x number of times and m/d will let you sleep in much more comfortable big boy pants instead of diapers.

We tried that approach, but she still wouldn't wake up and ended up with terrible rashes from sleeping in pee soaked underwear or even cloth diapers all night. And doing the laundry every day was a hassel. Plus....do you really want to wake up in the middle of the night and change a kid's clothes, bedding, and blankets every night? It got really old for us. Better not to wake anybody up, let her pee in her large carbon footprint pull-up until she's dry overnight, she stays rash free, and she'll grow out of it with no emotional scars and I get a full night's sleep (actually, I don't becasue the two year old still wakes up at night!).

I'm probably considered a slacker parent, but when it comes to sleep, I gotta try to maximize!!
 
A Vent (unsolicited advice)

Anyone one, when they became parents, experience a rash of unsolicited advice from people.
Ever since my son was born, I keep getting advice from our front office woman. Apparently there is only ONE laundry detergent I should be using.
There is a cure for colic and she has it! (Even when I said that he isn't colicy right now)
I am getting baby food preferences thrown at me too!

Come on, my baby is 3 weeks old and still in the NICU (born 7 weeks early). I have enough on my mind without having to deal with "things I need to do" being hurled at me on a constant basis. (and he is certainly NOT eating baby food yet)

When she finally asks me how things are going with the baby, my story (which I am tired of telling) gets interrupted with something that happened with her kids.


Time to close the door to the office and work in private I suppose...
 
Anyone one, when they became parents, experience a rash of unsolicited advice from people.
Ever since my son was born, I keep getting advice from our front office woman. Apparently there is only ONE laundry detergent I should be using.
There is a cure for colic and she has it! (Even when I said that he isn't colicy right now)
I am getting baby food preferences thrown at me too!

Come on, my baby is 3 weeks old and still in the NICU (born 7 weeks early). I have enough on my mind without having to deal with "things I need to do" being hurled at me on a constant basis. (and he is certainly NOT eating baby food yet)

When she finally asks me how things are going with the baby, my story (which I am tired of telling) gets interrupted with something that happened with her kids.


Time to close the door to the office and work in private I suppose...

Maybe this should be in the What drives you crazy at work? - daily irritants thread...

Isn't it charming when people use the guise of unsolicited advice and feigned concern to talk about themselves? Such an endearing quality.

Glad to hear the kiddo is doing well, but sorry he is in NICU. It will all seem a blur once he comes home, though. Now, what you REALLY need to do is....:-c

Happy family wishes for all three of you!
 
Z...you just need to tune it out. If she's particularly insistent and can't catch a clue you just say "Thank you for sharing your opinion, but we are well informed on subject X and will make the best decision for our son."
 
Well, I am pleased to announce that Z-Lad is finally home from the NICU after about 4 weeks.
He is currently enjoying his meals and taking naps. The dogs seem to like him too, although they don't understand his noises.

He doesn't really cry, rather when hungry he just moves about and chirps until someone gets up. His favorite thing is wiggling out of his swaddle currently (his previous favorite was removing the feeding tube from his nose while in the NICU).

We're glad to have him home and sleep is hard to come by right now, but the MIL is here and hopefully my wife will get some naps today.

On the docket tonight: ZLad & ZMan will catch the night's hockey games while the MIL and wife get out of the house for a bit.
 
Well, I am pleased to announce that Z-Lad is finally home from the NICU after about 4 weeks.

On the docket tonight: ZLad & ZMan will catch the night's hockey games while the MIL and wife get out of the house for a bit.

Congrats on the homecoming! Now life as you never knew it can begin. Good choice for the first dad/lad activity. As the Good Book says when paraphased by ofos: Raise him up in the ways of the rink and he'll be your beer buddy for life.
 
Well, I am pleased to announce that Z-Lad is finally home from the NICU after about 4 weeks.
He is currently enjoying his meals and taking naps. The dogs seem to like him too, although they don't understand his noises.
He doesn't really cry, rather when hungry he just moves about and chirps until someone gets up. His favorite thing is wiggling out of his swaddle currently (his previous favorite was removing the feeding tube from his nose while in the NICU).
We're glad to have him home and sleep is hard to come by right now, but the MIL is here and hopefully my wife will get some naps today.
On the docket tonight: ZLad & ZMan will catch the night's hockey games while the MIL and wife get out of the house for a bit.

YEAH, I'm so glad he's home! And I'm sure the dogs will soon figure his noises out - in fact, they may learn to accompany him with specific barks to get your attention (my cousin's dog would howl when the baby cried for food, but not any other time). Enjoy the game with the ZLad!
 
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