NEVERENDING ♾️ The NEVERENDING Raising Children Thread

[Veloise]

Age?

(This message was too short, but now it's long enough.)

 

[luckless pedestrian]

Age?

Gilded











oh, this isn't the never-ending Password thread?



oh, sorry




carry on

 

[AnvilPartners]

Pre-frontal lobes

Someone recently told me that the pre-frontal lobes of the brain that handle 'common sense' don't really start to mature until about 25 -- I have an 11 year old daughter and a 14 year old son that I pray will one day survive to move out of the house. Is there no hope for us?

Yesterday my son was practicing his boy scout knots on his sister, who decided to try and run away from him after both hands were tied behind her back. 3 steps into the dining room she tripped, fell and tried to dent the floor with her head...this is the same daughter I caught at the top of the stairs sitting in a laundry basket, debating whether or not she put enough clothes at the bottom to stop/cushion her ride down the stairs...

Pray for them please...

 

[luckless pedestrian]

that's why you can't go the military academy if you are over 21 - it's no accident

yes, I know - my 4 yo thinks gravity does not apply to him, my 15 yo thinks that our little town is safe and I have nothing to worry about when she is out alone and my 9 yo, well, she's our butterfly and thinks reality doesn't apply to her!

 

[ofos]

Someone recently told me that the pre-frontal lobes of the brain that handle 'common sense' don't really start to mature until about 25 -- I have an 11 year old daughter and a 14 year old son that I pray will one day survive to move out of the house. Is there no hope for us?

Yesterday my son was practicing his boy scout knots on his sister, who decided to try and run away from him after both hands were tied behind her back. 3 steps into the dining room she tripped, fell and tried to dent the floor with her head...this is the same daughter I caught at the top of the stairs sitting in a laundry basket, debating whether or not she put enough clothes at the bottom to stop/cushion her ride down the stairs...

Pray for them please...

It's painfully obvious that 'common sense' 25 can't be achieved by putting an 11 year-old together with a 14 year-old. You'll probably need our prayers more than they will.

 

[wahday]

I too have this problem with my daughter. She was on track to going on the potty and she got the pee pee thing down, but now can't seem to do either. We have tried everything from candy rewards, stickers, songs, nothing. We have even tried putting on her underwear, spankings, discipline, potty watch, and nothing. She still refuses to go in the toilet. Her mother and I are at our wits end with getting her to go in the potty and the bad part is, she knows how. Any ideas?

I would take a major step back. Pressure, bribes, threats, etc. will not only fail to encourage her, they will likely move her backwards to an early stage of pottying. Children of this age do not make these kids of connections nor do they respond well to fear of screwing up. Now, I know its hard when your kid craps on that nice rug, while playing on the bed or wets their pants after asking them A HUNDRED TIMES if they need to go, but I am very much of the opinion that little or no comment on "accidents" is the best approach. They realize they did something they shouldn't have and they see you all doing it the right way. They want more than anything to become like everyone else at this stage, so it will come eventually. But it really does have to come as a result of their own decision-making process and they need space to figure that out. For potty training, I firmly believe that children need to be inspired and empowered to accomplish the task on their own. Shaming them works against this.

Again, the words of my wife "I don't know anyone who went to college wearing diapers" Try to take the pressure off for 2 weeks and see what happens. You can still remind them when they do "the dance" by asking if they need to use the potty (and if they insist on "no," let them wet their pants), but try and avoid the negative information and see what that does in 2 weeks time.

 

[zman]

this is the same daughter I caught at the top of the stairs sitting in a laundry basket, debating whether or not she put enough clothes at the bottom to stop/cushion her ride down the stairs...

:6:remembers doing this... wonders if current laundry basket in his will fit his 27 year old body... when is the wife coming home tonight? ^o)

 

[Habanero]

I would take a major step back. Pressure, bribes, threats, etc. will not only fail to encourage her, they will likely move her backwards to an early stage of pottying.

So true, we tried and tried with our daughter. I was at my wits end because she would run and hide or just soil herself. It was almost like she was afraid of pooping on the toilet. At first I wanted to keep her on the toilet until she finally did something, but that worked against us since she'd flip out and have a meltdown. We started doing big celebrations afterwards, even dropping everything and going for ice cream to celebrate what a big girl she was one time, and she responded really well to that. Now it's second nature. Just breathe, it gets frustrating, especially when it seems like they are just trying to be difficult, but it'll happen.

Now if we could just get the potty training over night thing down and then get her to go to bed and stay in her bed all night, I'd be in heaven.

 

[arcplans]

Now if we could just get the potty training over night thing down and then get her to go to bed and stay in her bed all night, I'd be in heaven.

Thanks for the advice guys. I like the ice cream one! Maybe i can try that since we live in small town.

As for the stay in bed all night, she has had that down since the age of 1, so already ahead and she luckily no longer soils herself at night, just during the day.

 

[wahday]

Now if we could just get the potty training over night thing down and then get her to go to bed and stay in her bed all night, I'd be in heaven.

Are you secretly living in my house? This is our latest struggle. For the most part, she will go to sleep in her bed but mostly ends up in ours by morning. If she wasn't so gal dern cute, it would be easier to kick her out...

I don't think many people go to college sleeping int heir parents' bed, either (though I could be wrong on this one).

 

[Veloise]

Insomnia musings

Parents of Pull-ups poopers, been thinking about you.

• No cool big kid underwear with the interesting designs. It's back to Pull-ups until things settle down.
  
• No adult clean-up of the results. Junior will empty the contents of the used Pull-up into the toilet, flush it, and watch as the poop goes bye-bye. Junior will process the paper into the trash. Junior will practice wiping and clean-up.
  My notion here is that it will be uncomfortable to have poop all over one's butt. As we grown-ups know, there's much less work involved with toilet use.
  
• Rewards, stickers, earning or eventual rewards. I've read where it can help to have the big clear glass jar of M&Ms on a high shelf, visible and enticing but out of reach. Perhaps go get that trophy (special toy?) and have it lurking and visible in the bathroom.
  
• Involve an adult caregiver who's not a parent? Perhaps a day care worker can help provide incentive.
  
• Agree that anger has no place in this learning process. (My father used to bash at my younger niece. "You can't buckle your own seat belt?!?" Manual and other types of dexterity take a while.)

While we're at it, I think there's a special place in hell for parents who keep their kids at an infantile level past day care age. A 5yo of my acquaintance still depended on his (divorced) parental units for butt-wiping, tooth-brushing, other should have been mastered by then skills. How is the kid supposed to learn these needed skills if he doesn't get to practice them?

 

[Jen]

To continue in the PT strain...

Good tips, I also used to keep a stack of kid books in there, and sometimes even keep the kid company in the bathroom for those first adventures on the big potty. I never did the M&M bribes. It's true stay calm and have the kid help in cleanup.

when my eldest was 3 she still was not going poop in the toilet. She was afraid of the splash and she was afraid of the flush that it would also suck her down. I ended making up a story about where poops go and it had a happy ending. Poops are going into the sewer pipes to meet their friends! yay! She tried but it wasn't unitl bath night when she had the urge to go, i made sure she got on the toilet quick and out it came and CONNECTION. Hallelujah! The flush scared her a little sitll, so after washing she then would hit the handle and beeline out of there!

My youngest was ahead of the curve, started on her own p/t'ing by 18mos. Now 10, she is also the one who wakes up early on weekends and gets her own pancake breakfast going, from scratch :-c

 

[Maister]

new subcategory - chores

At what ages do you think it's appropriate for children to start performing various chores around the house? How do you ensure they follow through and stay engaged with those chores?

- put away toys
- help cook
- help garden
- mow lawn
- clean house
- shovel driveway
- other chores

 

[luckless pedestrian]

we are always on our kids' cases (15, 9 and 4) to help out on all of those listed chores - littler ones included - it's hard to stay on them but you have to, I think -

 

[Maister]

we are always on our kids' cases (15, 9 and 4) to help out on all of those listed chores - littler ones included - it's hard to stay on them but you have to, I think -

So I'm assuming you resort to lots of corporal punishment when your 4 year old gets distracted from lawn mowing tasks?

 

[mendelman]

At what ages do you think it's appropriate for children to start performing various chores around the house? How do you ensure they follow through and stay engaged with those chores?

- put away toys
- help cook
- help garden
- mow lawn
- clean house
- shovel driveway

- put away toys - 2+
- help cook - 3+
- help garden - 3+
- mow lawn - 5+
- clean house - 5+
- shovel driveway - 3+

Does that help? Those are just off the cuff and due to little experience, but will be tried when my boys gets to the appropriate ages.

 

[btrage]

- put away toys - 2+
- help cook - 3+
- help garden - 3+
- mow lawn - 5+
- clean house - 5+
- shovel driveway - 3+

Does that help? Those are just off the cuff and due to little experience, but will be tried when my boys gets to the appropriate ages.

My only problem would be the lawn mowing. My daughter is 5.5 and tall for her age, but I'm not sure she could handle a push mower. Maybe with me helping her push though.

 

[Gedunker]

I might be extremely conservative, but I wouldn't let any kid mow a lawn until at least teen years. Check with you homeowner's insurance, too, to see if they have an age limit.

Now, the kids can definitely help by sweeping/raking grass clipping and other mowing-day duties, but operating a power mower? Not at my house.

 

[luckless pedestrian]

actually, he loves helping my husband mow the lawn - we have a rotary mower so he helps Daddy push it around the yard - it's usually when the kids are little like 3 to 5 years old, that they will help, once they clue in that it's "work", forget it

 

[mendelman]

Yeah, ok 5 certainly is too young for a power mower, but I was thinking more along the lines of all the other activities associated with mowing as Gedunker described.

 

[cch]

- put away toys: 18 mo. with help from mom and dad / 4 years completely by themselves.

- help cook: my daughter has been helping me since she was about 3 1/2, but really it isn't much help.. makes more work for me. But she loves it.

- help garden: again, she's been helping me pull weeds since she was about 3.. but I gotta be prepared for her to pull non-weeds occassionally.

- mow lawn: I didn't start doing this till I was like 12.

- clean house: My daughter has helped a tiny bit (like using a windex wipe on the lower part of the patio door for me) since she was about 2 1/2. I'd say by maybe 6 she should actually be a serious help.

- shovel driveway: Maybe about 8, but I don't know how good of a job a little kid could actually do.

 

[kjel]

Chores....My Resident Teenager is 15 and can run a household as well as me....

Moderator note:

Maister - while attempting to respond I inadvertently screwed up your post. Sorry!

 

[kjel]

Teenagers. Teenage girls. I was one once. Was I like this?

My daughter was invited to a Sweet Sixteen party this evening which is supposed to be some huge affair with 500 people invited. It's a semi formal affair which isn't an issue since she has several nice dresses to choose from to wear. So commandeered the bathroom and got all put together for this thing and waited for her ride to come (I am picking up). She came out of her room with her coat on and I asked to see how she looked, to make sure everything was zipped and tied into place based on the dress I THOUGHT she was going to wear. She was like "Oh you know what it looks like already!" Uh-huh. "Take your coat off and let me see what you look like or you aren't going." She unbuttons the coat and she has a new dress on which I did not buy and neither did she. Then she proceeds to tell me that it was a gift from her friend Charles :-c

I was so blown away that I did not know what to say with her friend and her parents coming to pick her up momentarily other than she looked nice in it and that we would be discussing the matter further tomorrow. The boy in question is really very nice, I do like him and his parents very much and see them often, he did spend his own money on getting the dress and she did not ask for it. But still....

Anyone?

 

[kms]

I would have been better had she told you about the dress, instead of concealing it under her coat. Her concealing it makes it seem as though she knew it was wrong to wear it, and my first question tomorrow would be why did she feel the need to hide the dress from you.

I would at least be confused about why a boy would buy my daughter a dress. Does he buy her gifts often? Is his family wealthy?

 

[Richmond Jake]

Did she look hot?
Any pictures?

Well, you know, that's the kinda guy I am.

 

[Queen B]

My mom red flag went up when you said she was trying to conceal it. There is something wrong.

 

[kjel]

I would have been better had she told you about the dress, instead of concealing it under her coat. Her concealing it makes it seem as though she knew it was wrong to wear it, and my first question tomorrow would be why did she feel the need to hide the dress from you.

I would at least be confused about why a boy would buy my daughter a dress. Does he buy her gifts often? Is his family wealthy?

She hid it because she thought I would be mad about it and make her give it back. I was slightly confused as well, they are well off but not wealthy, he normally pays for her when they go out with their group of friends.

Did she look hot?
Any pictures?

Well, you know, that's the kinda guy I am.

She looked very pretty. And you're missing the point, but you have boys.

My mom red flag went up when you said she was trying to conceal it. There is something wrong.

Yeah Mom's flag was flying high and flapping in the wind.

 

[kms]

Is there a chance that she thought her dress wasn't good enough for the party? She seems to be level-headed, but she is a teen, and could be a little insecure about her appearance tonight. Maybe she didn't want to hurt your feelings and accepted the dress.

 

[Zoning Goddess]

She hid it because she thought I would be mad about it and make her give it back. I was slightly confused as well, they are well off but not wealthy, he normally pays for her when they go out with their group of friends.

First, you need to call Charles's parents and inform them that their son is buying your young daughter a dress she concealed from you, and find out why? Is this something they approve of? Willing to pay for? If so, really odd. And you need to tell them that!

Second, dress needs to be returned. Daughter should be grounded. If her dress was not up to snuff, OK, discuss it. Maybe you can work it out for next time.

Third, ignore RJ, he's a perv.

 

[kjel]

So the R.T. and I had the conversation about boys and gifts and although the gift may seem to be genuine there is generally some sort of wishful expectation attached to such things. I am still peeved at her for not telling me about it since we are generally quite open about everything and she knows that I am disappointed in her not telling me.

I spoke with the young man today and we agreed that this was a rather extravagant gift and that any gifts in the future will have a $25 price limit. He said he just wanted to do something really nice for her, she didn't ask for the dress, and he bought it from his own money that he earned. If they decide to attend the next formal dance she will wear the same dress to it.

As a side note I should add that the school district we live in has a median family income that is about $50K higher than my annual salary. Yes you read that right. It creates a number of obvious social challenges, but the challenges are worth the education she is getting in the school she is attending.

 

[btrage]

So the R.T. and I had the conversation about boys and gifts and although the gift may seem to be genuine there is generally some sort of wishful expectation attached to such things. I am still peeved at her for not telling me about it since we are generally quite open about everything and she knows that I am disappointed in her not telling me.

I spoke with the young man today and we agreed that this was a rather extravagant gift and that any gifts in the future will have a $25 price limit. He said he just wanted to do something really nice for her, she didn't ask for the dress, and he bought it from his own money that he earned. If they decide to attend the next formal dance she will wear the same dress to it.

As a side note I should add that the school district we live in has a median family income that is about $50K higher than my annual salary. Yes you read that right. It creates a number of obvious social challenges, but the challenges are worth the education she is getting in the school she is attending.

My guess is that she thought you would be embarrased/upset if she wore something that neither she or you purchased. Maybe she didn't want you to feel like what you could afford wasn't good enough.

And I think she may have been a little embarrased herself, accepting a gift like that from a guy friend who may be able to afford something a little more expensive than she could.

Then again, I'm a 30 year old guy. Maybe I'm way off, but I don't think there was anything devious going on (besides the fact she was trying to conceal it).

 

[kjel]

My guess is that she thought you would be embarrased/upset if she wore something that neither she or you purchased. Maybe she didn't want you to feel like what you could afford wasn't good enough.

And I think she may have been a little embarrased herself, accepting a gift like that from a guy friend who may be able to afford something a little more expensive than she could.

Then again, I'm a 30 year old guy. Maybe I'm way off, but I don't think there was anything devious going on (besides the fact she was trying to conceal it).

I don't think that there was anything devious either, but the whole thing just caught me off guard and its really not one of those things you can see coming either. She should have told me before hand and not as she was scooting out the door which is what I was most upset about, but I am still glad we had the little chat about gifts coming from the opposite sex.

 

[kms]

I think you handled it well.

 

[dandy_warhol]

how much do kids cost? (no, not buying them but raising them.)

we're starting to maybe kind of discuss the possibility of maybe someday possible having a kid or two.

we both have decent jobs and make okay money for the area we live in. (wouldn't mind making more!!) but we don't have a ton of money leftover. we aren't spendthrifts but we also aren't left with tons of money each month after bills and necessities.

i realize people make it with less that what we have but looking at our budget it doesn't seem very feasible to be able to afford kids.

thoughts?

 

[kjel]

how much do kids cost? (no, not buying them but raising them.)

we're starting to maybe kind of discuss the possibility of maybe someday possible having a kid or two.

we both have decent jobs and make okay money for the area we live in. (wouldn't mind making more!!) but we don't have a ton of money leftover. we aren't spendthrifts but we also aren't left with tons of money each month after bills and necessities.

i realize people make it with less that what we have but looking at our budget it doesn't seem very feasible to be able to afford kids.

thoughts?

There are two answers to this questions. One is a lot, no matter how much you earn. The second is it doesn't matter and you will figure out a way. I was a single mom at 19, married at 21, and a single mom again at 30. I've been all over the economic spectrum and each has had its challenges. I have been truly blessed to have my daughter and never had any regrets.

I think the more important thing to ask is WHY you want children. Is it because you genuinely want them for all they add to your life? Or is it because it's an expectation and something you feel you should do? Is the relationship ready to handle the addition of children? Are you ready to give up some of the things you like to do and not be as spontaneous?

 

[kms]

kjelsadekmakes good points. Make sure you want to have kids for the right reasons, and for YOUR reasons.

I have heard people say that if you wait until you can afford kids to have them, you may never have them. Our first and second were born into a two-income family; I stopped working a few months before our third was born. For the past three years, I have been a single parent, and one of those years I had no job. You make do with whatever income you earn. My kids get just about every cent I earn, and that's OK.

I'll tell you this - once you have a child, you can't believe how much you can love one person.

 

[Future Planning Diva]

from a former nanny

- put away toys - 2+
- help cook - 3+
- help garden - 3+
- mow lawn - 5+
- clean house - 5+
- shovel driveway - 3+

Does that help? Those are just off the cuff and due to little experience, but will be tried when my boys gets to the appropriate ages.

I spent a lot of time with many families in my childcare career, though I don't have kids yet myself. Anyway, I know getting kids to chip in can be a struggle. Lord knows I tortured my mother.

I think the only way to get kids to do chores is to model the behavior yourself and include them in your tasks. If you and your spouse take turns slacking off on cleaning, or if you delay and complain, the kid will no doubt absorb the lesson that such activities are, well, sucky. Your kids aren't chumps! Their attitudes will reflect yours.

In terms of developmental appropriateness, even very little kids can put toys back in the basket, squeeze a sponge on a table, or put weeds in a pile. The trick is that they won't actually be helping you for a while. In the process of learning how to do this stuff, they''ll probably make more work for you than if you had done it yourself. . . but they will learn!

This is something I think will be hard for me as a parent. I already do lots of things around the house that I think DH should do because a) it seems like so much work to get him to do it, and b) I know it will be done properly if I do it myself :-o not the best pattern . . .

 

[Zoning Goddess]

Besides RJ barrelling into the bedroom at 5:30 a.m. today going "Sh*t, sh*t", etc with the broken finger... I had a fun morning.

Dropped the kid at school and 15 min later got a call from the asst principal to come right back because the kid had a knife. Holy crap.

Although it's an offense normally requiring explusion, the school didn't call the cops since he is so respectful and well behaved, and he seemed truly surprised to find it in his pocket, and called a teacher over to cough it up before he went into school. Swears he forgot he had it. Cried and cried. Geez.

So Mr asst principal was floored when I said, well, as long as you're here, I've told Attendance Lady at least 4 times, including yesterday, about kid's screaming slamming cussing fits about going to school and asked that someone here talk to him about truancy. So he did. And they're requiring he go to anger management counseling to get back into school tomorrow. Of course, by the time we got home, kid was belligerent again about no counseling. I'll call tomorrow to make an appointment.

What a rotten day.

 

[kjel]

Although it's an offense normally requiring explusion, the school didn't call the cops since he is so respectful and well behaved, and he seemed truly surprised to find it in his pocket, and called a teacher over to cough it up before he went into school. Swears he forgot he had it. Cried and cried. Geez....

So Mr asst principal was floored when I said, well, as long as you're here, I've told Attendance Lady at least 4 times, including yesterday, about kid's screaming slamming cussing fits about going to school and asked that someone here talk to him about truancy. So he did. And they're requiring he go to anger management counseling to get back into school tomorrow. Of course, by the time we got home, kid was belligerent again about no counseling. I'll call tomorrow to make an appointment.

What a rotten day.

Hang in there. At least he realized it before he went into school and seemed remorseful. Good thing you had the chat about truancy and his belligerent attitude with the vp and he's making him go to counseling, he's older now so maybe it might be more productive than before. I know it's tough, hang in there.

 

[Queen B]

RANT WARNING

:-@:-@:-@:-@:-@:-@
Boy I am mad.

The youngest at the house 15 1/2 just got her restricted drivers license. She can go to and from school and to and from work.
Yesterday was her second time to get to drive by herself. She asked if she could stay for the game. We said sure.
Her older sister and boyfriend were at the house and commented that the game was over and the score was on the internet.
I ask, where is the youngest?
Dad calls her.
First lie" Oh I went to a friends house and fell asleep on the couch"
I am on my way home.
The lie continued with, her friends mom picking her up and taking her over to her house because she could not drive over there because of the restriction.
I ask, why did you not call? And give me your cell phone.
She finally said that she drove to on over to her boyfriends 20 minutes futher and was with him.
I am certain at this point her life that she knew is over.
:-@:-@:-@:-@:-@:-@:-@:-@

 

[kjel]

SNIP...
The youngest at the house 15 1/2 just got her restricted drivers license. She can go to and from school and to and from work.....I am certain at this point her life that she knew is over...SNIP

You did good Mom. It is utterly amazing that teenagers think they can snow you so easily. Like we weren't ever teenagers!

****
I am ecstatic that I live in New Jersey because R.T. can't get an instruction permit until she is 16 and a restricted license until she is 17. She's already been told that depending on a combination of grades, behavior, responsibility, ability to pay for the state required driver's training, and the difference in car insurance premium may prevent that from happening.

 

[kms]

I met with an appraiser today for the beginning stages of property division, and one of the boys is pretty upset at the prospect of leaving this home. How do I console him without badmouthing his father. I tried explaining that home is wherever he, his brother, sister and I are, but that's not enough for him.

 

[btrage]

So my 5 year old daughter was a breeze to potty train. She had it down before she turned 3.

My 2 1/2 year old daughter is probably about 50% there. She wears regular underwear throughout the day, except for a pull-up during nap and bedtime, or for certain events like taking her to a professional sporting event where it's a hassle to get to the bathroom. She does have accidents occassionaly, but she is still 2 1/2.

On to my issue...........the girl just refuses to poop in the toilet or potty chair thingy. Nothing I or my wife try can get her to go. I'm thinking that if she just does it one time, then it will be mostly downhill from there. The funny part is sometimes I ask her if she's "scared of the poo poo". And she gets this really serious look on her face, and nods her head yes.

We've tried many things, but she will just not go until she has a pull-up on during nap/bedtime.

How do I make her not "afraid of the poo poo" :-D

Update.

We did it!!!!......potty trained before the age of 3, just like her sister. It's funny because they both figured it out at approximately the same age, a few months before turning 3.

Anyways....my earlier post was right before Thanksgiving. Between then and X-mas, she continued to have occasional accidents in her underwear, and wore the pull-ups at bed/naptime. A little bit before X-mas we were able to get her on the toilet while the #2 was on its way out (sorry for that visual).

We used to promise her candy if she went #2 in the toilet, but then switched it up and went with a McDonalds Happy Meal. Just so happens that at that time, the toy in the Happy Meal was a My Little Pony. Perfect. She decided that her fear of the poo-poo was not going to get in the way of getting yet another My Little Pony. She must have 5 or 6 of them now. :-D

Since then, she's been going both #1 and #2 in the toilet and the accidents have basically disappeared. And to top it off, last night she slept the entire night in her underwear with no accidents!

The weird things that dads get excited about.

 

[Richmond Jake]

I met with an appraiser today for the beginning stages of property division, and one of the boys is pretty upset at the prospect of leaving this home. How do I console him without badmouthing his father. I tried explaining that home is wherever he, his brother, sister and I are, but that's not enough for him.

Don't discount your son's perception. My sons' understood what the adulteress had done to the family. You're in a difficult situation. Good luck. I feel for you.



ZG was telling me the other night how much she misses her former house. That totally confuses me. I'm sure that discussion will continue when she returns.

 

[kms]

Thanks, RJ. I wish I could tell him that his dad has his head up his a$$, but it wouldn't help. It's so hard to see the younger two suffer knowing that another woman and her kids are their dad's priority. Our daughter has very little to with him; she was 15 when he left, and has a more grown up perception of his actions.

 

[Richmond Jake]

...[snip]....I wish I could tell him that his dad has his head up his a$$...[snip]....

You don't have to. Kids are smart that way. Trust me.

 

[Zoning Goddess]

I met with an appraiser today for the beginning stages of property division, and one of the boys is pretty upset at the prospect of leaving this home. How do I console him without badmouthing his father. I tried explaining that home is wherever he, his brother, sister and I are, but that's not enough for him.

Last night, supernanny dealt with a recently divorced woman with 6 kids, and one of the issues was leaving their "perfect" house for a much smaller one where mom slept on a couch. Sounds sappy, but she did make sense in telling them they still have all their good memories, photos, etc of the old house, and restarting some family traditions mom had dropped when dad left.

My son was also upset when we moved. He had friends close by, neighbors we knew and trusted, knew his way around town for whenever he started driving, etc. It was really the only home he knew. I know he understood that all options came out positive for us to make the move, but it was still wrenching for him.

ZG was telling me the other night how much she misses her former house. That totally confuses me. I'm sure that discussion will continue when she returns

What can I say? I loved my little old house and I was comfortable in central FL. Doesn't mean I want to live there again. I'm glad we moved.

 

[kms]

I think I saw that episode. Thanks for responding. The boys will need to see that we can live together somewhere else; it might turn out to be some kind of adventure.

 

[btrage]

You don't have to. Kids are smart that way. Trust me.

Not trying to turn this into a divorce thread or anything, but I agree with RJ.

I watched my MIL and FIL go through a divorce (the papers were filed 3 months before our wedding), and kids are perceptive. My wife's younger siblings were 16, 17, and 19 at the time, and although it took some of them longer than the others, they all realized the truth about what was going on eventually (with the help of their older sister, my wife, who unfortunately was the first to learn "the truth"). Some have dealt with it better than others.

 

[kjel]

You don't have to. Kids are smart that way. Trust me.

More than we often give them credit for. kms you just need to hang in there, establish some of the things/routines from the old house into the new place straight away, and just keep talking your son through it. Change is hard, but often good.

ZG was telling me the other night how much she misses her former house. That totally confuses me. I'm sure that discussion will continue when she returns.

I can understand that and don't think that it has anything to do with you. I really miss my house I owned in South Carolina, but I am glad I took the plunge and came to NJ.