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NEVERENDING ♾️ The NEVERENDING Raising Children Thread

Last night was WeeP's dance recital. She won her class' Most Enthusiastic Dancer award for the year.

(Man translation = MVP)
 
Two more days before our third annual father-son camping trip. Boy, oh boy. Swimming. Hiking. Toasting marshmallows. Eating ice cream. Not eating vegetables. I will be asked a thousand questions and be able to answer some of them. I will tell some outrageous lies and he will say "Papa, is that true?" We will have nary a disagreement and will laugh a lot.

We will come home dirty, bug-bit, sunburned and worn-out. But mostly, happy.
 
otterpop said:
Two more days before our third annual father-son camping trip. Boy, oh boy. Swimming. Hiking. Toasting marshmallows. Eating ice cream. Not eating vegetables. I will be asked a thousand questions and be able to answer some of them. I will tell some outrageous lies and he will say "Papa, is that true?" We will have nary a disagreement and will laugh a lot.

We will come home dirty, bug-bit, sunburned and worn-out. But mostly, happy.
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At what age did you start doing this? With three boys now, I would like to get a tradition like this going, but I want it to be fun for the kids too.
 
Last week the bf gave me a quick kiss and the kids (my daughter, 7, and his son, 9) burst into a fit of giggles, like they do everytime and started catcalling and being silly. My daughter then says "oooh, you guys have sex!" and I was caught way off guard, but said no, that was just a kiss. Later I asked her what sex was, and she had no idea.

Previously, her and I've talked about where babies come from and how they are made, but not about the actual sex part. My mom never told me about any of that stuff, and so I know it's important, but not sure when's the right time. Part of me is worried that I'll tell her about it and she will be interested enough that she'll want to try it :wow: (Maybe not right now, but way sooner than she should). Any words of wisdom?!
 
Hey girlfriend - imho it depends on the kid -

I think if she's using the word sex at 7, you might want to talk about it now, but sort of at the surface - like this is how babies are made, when you grow up kind of thing - not too detaily.

my oldest I told in the 4th grade but she wasn't ready for too much, as she called it. "gory detail" so I took it in steps and layers over a few years

my second daughter wanted the medical explanation first when she was in the 3rd grade becasue she wanted to understand how babies were born (so we did it backwards) but only now, at 12, are we talking about it more from a relationship emotional level and the mechanics of it all - she wasn't interested really but she is getting moody and such so I think getting her period is imminent so I figured I better sit her down -

Hink - we started our kids camping at birth so whenever you feel like you can corral them with your voice (as in "don't jump off that cliff please"), then you are good to go
 
luckless pedestrian said:
Hink - we started our kids camping at birth so whenever you feel like you can corral them with your voice (as in "don't jump off that cliff please"), then you are good to go
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Just remember that "Don't jump off that cliff please." is really two commands.

"Don't!"... "o.k. Mom/Dad, I won't."

and

"Jump off that cliff please."... "Here I go."
 
SW MI Planner said:
Last week the bf gave me a quick kiss and the kids (my daughter, 7, and his son, 9) burst into a fit of giggles, like they do everytime and started catcalling and being silly. My daughter then says "oooh, you guys have sex!" and I was caught way off guard, but said no, that was just a kiss. Later I asked her what sex was, and she had no idea.

Previously, her and I've talked about where babies come from and how they are made, but not about the actual sex part. My mom never told me about any of that stuff, and so I know it's important, but not sure when's the right time. Part of me is worried that I'll tell her about it and she will be interested enough that she'll want to try it :wow: (Maybe not right now, but way sooner than she should). Any words of wisdom?!
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Is the bf going to talk to his son about this?

I think that your daughter has heard the term "sex" used, and equates it with a man and woman showing affection, for now. I know that if she's asking questions, you answer with just enough information to satisfy the question.

She's going to learn how to behave by watching you. She needs to see you and bf show each other signs of affection so that she knows the difference between affection and S.E.X. At some point, but hopefully not now, she needs to learn some boundaries regarding affection and where it can lead.

I just had a thought...is she hearing talk like this from her dad? MIght he be commenting on your relationships to her, or in front of her?

You're doing a good job raising her. Keep up the good work.
 
Hink_Planner said:
At what age did you start doing this? With three boys now, I would like to get a tradition like this going, but I want it to be fun for the kids too.
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We have taken him camping since he was a toddler. He got out of the car and within five minutes took a major spill and had a cut on his forehead. :-c Diapers and camping aren't the best mix. Not that keen on changing a diaper, then having to run it down to the dumpster in the middle of the night.

The father-son camping tradition started when he was 7. By then he was old enough to help me with at least some of the camping chores. Without some help, camping with kids is more work than camping with adults.

With kids you will need lots of marshmallows and firewood. They love to toast marshmallows.

You might try a practice camping trip in the backyard. Sort of a run-through to see how they do and what works and doesn't. That way, if it is a bust, you can all go inside and chalk it up to experience.
 
RT reminded me this morning that college move in day is in 45 days 8-! I am going to miss her.
 
luckless pedestrian said:
SUNY New Paltz - I thin it will be a great fit and she agrees, phew! :h:
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You two are going to make me cry talking about daughters at college. My oldest just started her first job and got her first paycheck and seems so independent and capable...so grown up. See, here come the waterworks.
 
Thanks guys. We did talk about it, and you're right - after about five minutes she just said 'oh ok!" meaning she was done. The bf has talked to his son, but he already had reproductive health in 3rd grade, which included all the gory details :wow:

kms said:
She needs to see you and bf show each other signs of affection so that she knows the difference between affection and S.E.X. At some point, but hopefully not now, she needs to learn some boundaries regarding affection and where it can lead.

I just had a thought...is she hearing talk like this from her dad? MIght he be commenting on your relationships to her, or in front of her?
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I agree that she (and kids in general) should be around affection, and she certainly doesn't see that (or learn about any boundaries) around her father. Speaking of which, Creepy Mc. Creeperton makes a ton of disparaging comments so in all likelihood he may. He's such a pain :/

Geez, you guys talking about college about tears to my eyes too. They grow up so darn fast, and while mine is only 7 it seems like just yesterday she was born. So I can't even imagine how it"ll feel to have a daughter go off to school.
 
luckless pedestrian said:
SUNY New Paltz - I thin it will be a great fit and she agrees, phew! :h:
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Good for her! RT has already had her new student orientation and registered for classes. She bought a few things for her dorm room today, torturing me with her book list (look up books assigned by course at the uni store website for the ISBN# and search bestbookbuys.com or chegg.com for cheaper alternatives!), and reminding me of the count down clock.

Not quite ready for this chapter to begin, but trying to take it all in stride!
 
I cannot stop laughing when my son tells me that he went potty....

"I did it!".

Ahh, if I just got that happy about bowel movements....;)
 
We have one going back for the second year of college. She just got a car and now and apartment rather than being in the dorms. She had to talk herself through the process. Her and her father had a long talk. Dad let her know that she was welcome to take the things from her room. Oh she says I guess I could. He is calmly talking to her as I am standing up doing the happy dance and mouthing the "she is moving out" song...Wwwooo Hooo!!
So most of her things have been packed and she is mostly moved. Yippy.

None of this sad stuff here. Cant wait. Kicking this one out with both feet. The last one is a Senior this year. She is already 18. It will be a long year with her.

We are working toward some life changes ourselves. This should prove to be an interesting year.
 
Queen B said:
We have one going back for the second year of college. She just got a car and now and apartment rather than being in the dorms. She had to talk herself through the process. Her and her father had a long talk. Dad let her know that she was welcome to take the things from her room. Oh she says I guess I could. He is calmly talking to her as I am standing up doing the happy dance and mouthing the "she is moving out" song...Wwwooo Hooo!!
So most of her things have been packed and she is mostly moved. Yippy.

None of this sad stuff here. Cant wait. Kicking this one out with both feet. The last one is a Senior this year. She is already 18. It will be a long year with her.

We are working toward some life changes ourselves. This should prove to be an interesting year.
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Mine is required to live in a dorm on campus for the first two years. I predict that she will be living there her whole college career since there is little to know rental housing near the school which suits me just fine. I am sad to see her move into her dorm on Thursday and she's a little sad to go as well. We've been the Dynamic Duo for such a long time that it's a hard for both of us. She will do great and I keep pointing out she is just an hour and change a way and can come home any time.
 
Mission College Move-In Day was successfully accomplished yesterday. The rain held off to get everything unloaded and I helped RT get everything unpacked and organized. Had to make a run to Target for a few miscellaneous items to make up for the old age of the dorm (built before the days of electronic overload) and some convenience items. Met her two roommates and their dads helped move furniture around so they ended up with quite a lot of open space in their room. Attending a very nice convocation ceremony and the university had a giant family picnic for us afterward. No tears until the very end but I held it together enough to tell her I was proud of her and that she would do well.

It was a long, lonely drive home though :(
 
The last few years the school wanted her to walk the 3 blocks from her daycare to the neighborhood elementary school to hop on the bus which would take her to her school. Being that she was 5 and then 6, we were kind of anxious about that, and the bus agreed to just pick her up out front of daycare.

They told us this year that they can no longer pick her up outside daycare and she has to walk. There is no one to walk with her, so she'd have to go it alone. Fine, at first glance, it's three blocks she's seven years old, she can handle it. But so last night I ran a sex offender registry inquiry last night, and there's a registered offender 1/2 block to the north of where she has to walk, and one a 1/2 block to the south. Both convicted of a crime against a child under the age of 13 (when they were about 40).

I'm not going to even risk something like that, it scares the hell out of me. I get that they can't make a hundred individual stops though, so we are rushing around and trying to figure out how it will work to get her to school in the morning.
 
SW MI Planner said:
The last few years the school wanted her to walk the 3 blocks from her daycare to the neighborhood elementary school to hop on the bus which would take her to her school. Being that she was 5 and then 6, we were kind of anxious about that, and the bus agreed to just pick her up out front of daycare.

They told us this year that they can no longer pick her up outside daycare and she has to walk. There is no one to walk with her, so she'd have to go it alone. Fine, at first glance, it's three blocks she's seven years old, she can handle it. But so last night I ran a sex offender registry inquiry last night, and there's a registered offender 1/2 block to the north of where she has to walk, and one a 1/2 block to the south. Both convicted of a crime against a child under the age of 13 (when they were about 40).

I'm not going to even risk something like that, it scares the hell out of me. I get that they can't make a hundred individual stops though, so we are rushing around and trying to figure out how it will work to get her to school in the morning.
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Maybe you don't want to get involved this deep in it, and maybe you would still not want to let her walk, but these offenders might be within the restricted distance from both of those institutions. That has happened at my kids' schools but they have someone who gets all the offender reports for the neighborhood. Despite the laws, they have had to notify police that offenders have moved in right across the street form the school on two occassions. And there is someone two doors north of me with a similar rap sheet as what you described. He just got out of jail 6 months ago. I keep a close eye on that house...
 
wahday said:
Maybe you don't want to get involved this deep in it, and maybe you would still not want to let her walk, but these offenders might be within the restricted distance from both of those institutions. That has happened at my kids' schools but they have someone who gets all the offender reports for the neighborhood. Despite the laws, they have had to notify police that offenders have moved in right across the street form the school on two occassions. And there is someone two doors north of me with a similar rap sheet as what you described. He just got out of jail 6 months ago. I keep a close eye on that house...
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I checked, they lived there prior to the State implementing the 1,000 ft safe school zone, so they are ok :/
 
SW MI Planner said:
The last few years the school wanted her to walk the 3 blocks from her daycare to the neighborhood elementary school to hop on the bus which would take her to her school. Being that she was 5 and then 6, we were kind of anxious about that, and the bus agreed to just pick her up out front of daycare.

They told us this year that they can no longer pick her up outside daycare and she has to walk. There is no one to walk with her, so she'd have to go it alone. Fine, at first glance, it's three blocks she's seven years old, she can handle it. But so last night I ran a sex offender registry inquiry last night, and there's a registered offender 1/2 block to the north of where she has to walk, and one a 1/2 block to the south. Both convicted of a crime against a child under the age of 13 (when they were about 40).

I'm not going to even risk something like that, it scares the hell out of me. I get that they can't make a hundred individual stops though, so we are rushing around and trying to figure out how it will work to get her to school in the morning.
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I wouldn't risk it either. Perhaps one of the day care employees could walk her down? It couldn't be more than 10 minutes, round trip.
 
btrage said:
I wouldn't risk it either. Perhaps one of the day care employees could walk her down? It couldn't be more than 10 minutes, round trip.
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It's a home daycare, and it's just her so she wouldn't be able to walk her to school. She'd be able to watch her get across the street is all. And there are no other kids her age that would be riding the bus to walk with either.
 
SW MI Planner said:
It's a home daycare, and it's just her so she wouldn't be able to walk her to school. She'd be able to watch her get across the street is all. And there are no other kids her age that would be riding the bus to walk with either.
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Living in GR, figuring out day care and all the logistics was terribly difficult, because we had no family nearby. We made it work, but paid a lot of money. Fortunately, we never had to do before-school care, and our one at-home provider was willing to take/pick-up our daughters from school, etc.

Both girls are now in school full-time, which is about 3 minutes from the city offices. Plus we now have family closer.

Does she go back to the home daycare after school? If so, how does she get there?
 
SW MI Planner said:
It's a home daycare, and it's just her so she wouldn't be able to walk her to school. She'd be able to watch her get across the street is all. And there are no other kids her age that would be riding the bus to walk with either.
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Is there a crossing guard to help her cross the street? Take the documentation from the registry to the principal and get an explanation. I would feel so uneasy about just her walking alone, and even more so knowing about those two creeps.
 
btrage said:
Both girls are now in school full-time, which is about 3 minutes from the city offices. Plus we now have family closer.

Does she go back to the home daycare after school? If so, how does she get there?
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That's great that daycare and everything worked out with your new job. I'm 45 minutes away, so that makes it hard to help juggle everything. She goes to her grandmothers house after school, so the bus just drops her off. Come January, we are thinking she'll just go to school from her grandmothers house (which is right next door to her dads).

kms said:
Is there a crossing guard to help her cross the street? Take the documentation from the registry to the principal and get an explanation. I would feel so uneasy about just her walking alone, and even more so knowing about those two creeps.
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It's a relatively compact residential neighborhood, so crossing the street isn't a huge problem. It's the walking alone the few blocks with creepo's that worries me. My ex emailed the superintendent and asked for reconsideration, so I guess we'll see. I don't anticipate anything different because they can't make adjustments for every single kid who lives in the general vicinity. She has been very receptive thus far though, so who knows. Though part of me feels kind of guilty if they do accomodate her because there are still a ton of other kids that will probably be walking and she'll be getting special treatment.

Mastiff said:
My son graduated from Job Corps today. I am very proud...
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Congrats! I'll have a beer on his behalf tonight. And maybe another on your behalf as proud father ;)
 
SW, it's not preferential treatment if there are sexual offenders nearby. Don't feel guilty for asking.
 
My epiletic daughter got drunk, got sick, and caused herself to have a seizure. 500 miles from home, at school. As worried as I am, I'm so disappointed in her for putting herself in that position.
 
kms said:
My epiletic daughter got drunk, got sick, and caused herself to have a seizure. 500 miles from home, at school. As worried as I am, I'm so disappointed in her for putting herself in that position.
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Unfortunately sometimes they have to learn the hard way as hard as it is on us as parents. I hope she's ok, was around good people, and that she's learned her lesson.
 
kms said:
My epiletic daughter got drunk, got sick, and caused herself to have a seizure. 500 miles from home, at school. As worried as I am, I'm so disappointed in her for putting herself in that position.
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Yeah, I did that one time (was not epileptic) in college in Mass when the parents were in FL. Was the worst nite of my life. I guess the immediate issue is she OK? Then maybe her account gets reduced where she can no longer afford anything alcohlic? Funny, in my day, parents could control everything; nowadays, hey, the kid's 18, you're paying, but you can't know anything.

I'd just sayshrink her allowanced to maybe buy shampoo.
 
kjelsadek said:
Unfortunately sometimes they have to learn the hard way as hard as it is on us as parents. I hope she's ok, was around good people, and that she's learned her lesson.
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I agree - it's hard on us parents but hopefully she learned what not to do in the future. I hope she is ok!
 
She seems to be OK, but a little disoriented today. This is the first semester that she had a car to drive, and now she can't drive. Lesson learned. :(
 
Well I was going to start this with, this might not be a child rearing issue but yes it is...
Our 18 year old came in last night to tell us that she has a new boyfriend. We said yes we thought that cause she was hinting around. She said that she had talked to her older sister about him and her sister said to keep quiet. But she didnt feel that was right. one point to the good.
Then she says that he is older. Did we want to guess, Done with the games, I said just tell us. 32:-c:-c:-c:-c. Not quite twice her age. But he doesn't act 32 she says, oh great that didnt help. Now we have a 32 year old that hasn't grown up. Nope that didnt help.

There were many things that we should have asked that we didn't. We did not yell. By this time her father was trying to breath. We did explain that no he is not a boy he is a man and that a 32 yr old man would have different expectations than a teen age boy. Most boys can be put off or delayed even if they are all wanting the same thing. But a man expects certain things from a relationship and she needed to be ready for that if this was what she wanted to do. Her father talked all about getting pregnant before she gets college. Italked about birth control.

I just hate that feeling when your gut tells you that they are going to get hurt and you just cant help them.

Any words of wisdom from any of you? I have dealt with age differences but this is alot for her age.
 
Queen B said:
Well I was going to start this with, this might not be a child rearing issue but yes it is...
Our 18 year old came in last night to tell us that she has a new boyfriend. We said yes we thought that cause she was hinting around. She said that she had talked to her older sister about him and her sister said to keep quiet. But she didnt feel that was right. one point to the good.
Then she says that he is older. Did we want to guess, Done with the games, I said just tell us. 32:-c:-c:-c:-c. Not quite twice her age. But he doesn't act 32 she says, oh great that didnt help. Now we have a 32 year old that hasn't grown up. Nope that didnt help.

There were many things that we should have asked that we didn't. We did not yell. By this time her father was trying to breath. We did explain that no he is not a boy he is a man and that a 32 yr old man would have different expectations than a teen age boy. Most boys can be put off or delayed even if they are all wanting the same thing. But a man expects certain things from a relationship and she needed to be ready for that if this was what she wanted to do. Her father talked all about getting pregnant before she gets college. Italked about birth control.

I just hate that feeling when your gut tells you that they are going to get hurt and you just cant help them.

Any words of wisdom from any of you? I have dealt with age differences but this is alot for her age.
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I would have had a heart attack and died on the spot so kudos to you for even being alive to post this. There is not much I can say that you haven't already. I suppose I would invite this man over to have a frank conversation and see what kind of person he is.

Is she in college right now? Who is paying for it? Does she work or pay rent? While there's little you can do since she is of legal age, there is a lot you can do to make it very uncomfortable for her (and him) which is the approach I would take with RT.
 
No she is still in high school. Yes I think he is going to get an invitation this evening. We told her we didn't like it but that we couldnt stop her because she would just do it anyway. So if she is going to act like an adult then she needs to be responsible.
Yes a visit is in order.
One of my co workers had is daughters boyfriend come over and he told him that if he thought about doing any hanky panky with his daughter. That he might think about how it would feel if the dad were doing the same to him.8-!
I am not sure if my husband could pull that off or not.
I have alot of questions.
 
I think she was working. She works at a western wear/hunting supply store so all kinds of guys come through there and she is a flirt, chances are that he had no idea how old she was.
 
Queen B said:
Any words of wisdom from any of you? I have dealt with age differences but this is alot for her age.
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Google him. Check online with the local court system to see if he's been there (divorce, child support, domestic abuse, etc). If she hasn't been to his home, and if he owns one, get the address on the property appraiser's website and drive by. Single-family home, bikes in the driveway?

Maybe he's just immature and no threat, but you should do any research you can to uncover anything obvious. An 18 y.o. is likely too naive to consider doing this.

And yes, meet the man and gauge what you can. Knowing he has to deal with parents who are keeping a close eye on things may make him reconsider, or at least not take advantage.
 
I would have blown up if my 18 year-old daughter told me that she was dating a 32 year-old man!

My concern is that a 32 year old man wanted to date an 18 year-old. Why doesn't he date women closer to his age? Her father needs to intimidate him without alienating her and driving them closer together. I wouldn't know how to accomplish it.

I see some yellow flags here, and agree with ZG. Learn all that you can about him, and keep them both within your sights.
 
She's still in HS!!!!

When you meet this dude, ask him if he will be escorting her to the homecoming dance, to football and basketball games, to prom.

Actually, the situation might resolve itself easily once she meets any friends he might have, and he meets hers."You're HOW old?!?"
 
Oh great. Here's something else I'll have to deal with in about 9 years!


Dad needs to sit your daughter down and basically say - look I'm a guy and I was that age once (it's true!), the only thing this guy wants is to get in your pants and then move on the another.
 
Yikes Queen B!

One question - she didn't want to tell you about the age difference, has she told the guy how old she really is and that she is still in high school?

If so, regardless of how mature she acts (or even looks), I too question why a 32 year old would want to be with someone still in high school. Not that there is anything wrong with him, per se, or that his motives are suspect, but definately invite him over and talk to him. I would give him some props right away if he's even willing to meet with you, as that is typically a big step even for someone in a more typical age range.
 
SW MI Planner said:
Yikes Queen B!

I too question why a 32 year old would want to be with someone still in high school.
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I have a simple answer.

Its because he is a creepy pervo. Unfortunately for Queen B her daughter is still a high schooler with that level of maturity, but the law sees her as an adult. This is going to mean that she will need to dangle carrots in front of her, be it sharply curtailing any driving privelidges she has (unless she has her own car in her own name).

Is this teen a rebelious type? If so she may be doing this just because she can.
 
DetroitPlanner said:
I have a simple answer.

Its because he is a creepy pervo.
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I would say that he has strong potential to be an abuser. The 18 year old is flattered that an older "man" is interested in her, and he'll use her youth and naivety against her.

Queen B, I'm sure that you've already thought of these things. I hope that she'll get interested in someone her own age and maturity.
 
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