Standing On My Head Again
By James D. Umbach, AICP
Copyright (C) 2025 James D. Umbach, AICP. Not for distribution outside Cyburbia.
August 17, 2025
IT’S A BIRD! IT’S A PLANE! NO, IT’S A PHONE!
Chirp! Chirp! Chirp!
“What kind of a bird is that?
Your Columnist was out in the forest lately, when another person nearby starting hearing a bird. I am somewhat familiar with bird calls (but far from being an ornithologist), and I didn’t recognize it either.
“Oh! It’s my phone text tone!”
It turns out that the person had recently gotten a new phone with new defaults. One of the changes was that the text tone went from whatever it was to a nondescript bird call. Well, that solves that problem. I personally have been using a “quack quack” myself, but my phone is on silent 90% of the time so it seldom comes up. Years ago, though, I was in a store when my phone starting quacking, and someone in the next aisle asked if there was a duck in here. I don’t know to this day if she was being funny, or really inquiring.
The idea of ducks in a store is not as odd as it seems, though: Back in the early 00’s, I was at a mall, when I turned around and saw a family of ducks—Mom, Dad, and babies—all lined up behind me to go shopping inside the mall. I surmised they had escaped from a nearby pond, or perhaps they were just on their lunch hour and wanted to get some new feathers. I don’t really know why they were there, but they were quite docile ducks, used to people, all of whom around were snapping photos. It’s not every day you see ducks shopping.
= = =
Speaking of birds in malls, when I was a wee tot in my single-digit years in suburban Sacramento, we lived near an outdoor mall that actually had tropical birds in cages as the centerpiece of the shopping experience. Appropriately enough, the name of the mall was “Birdcage Walk,” and the very young me used to love to see the tropical birds. My mother worked at the bowling alley in that same center, so we were frequent visitors to the feathered friends. I spent most of my toddler years in the child care center within the bowling alley there, I think. For some reason, the TV in the center played “Love Boat,” which is a quite odd choice of show for children, but we all learned the song and sang along. Just me and a chorus of 15 or so other barely-out-of-diapers tykes, singing about things being exciting and new.
The birds flew out of that center sometime in the early 80’s, and then a decade or so later the entire center was remodeled into a nondescript “power center” with all the big box stores like Michael’s, Best Buy, Lowe’s, Barnes & Noble, and the like. That’s all well and good since it likely sells whatever you need, but it doesn’t have the charm of its original 70’s design and vibe, complete with not only a bunch of mom-and-pop stores and restaurants, but also the aforementioned bowling alley, along with a movie theater, arcade, and ice rink.
The name of the street that runs behind the center is “Birdcage Street,” even though the birds and the cages are long gone, in yet another example of a street being named for something that no longer exists on said street. Maybe there is at least one bird in a cage in the adjacent apartments, though. Who knows? For that matter, an intersecting street is “Macy Plaza Drive,” even though the Macy’s gave way to a Target in the late 1990’s. I remember watching them literally destroying the building with a wrecking ball from an adjacent parking lot for a while one day. Not as impressive as Vegas-style implosions, but satisfying nonetheless.
If you think this week’s column has gone to the birds, or if you have a way to help me soar to new heights, I can be reached at
umbachjd@yahoo.com. I love fan mail!