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Marriage Proposals

nerudite said:
Other than my first year of college and occasional help with tuition thereafter, I haven't received much aid from my parents.
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Im in the same shoes as you. I guess I just assumed they'd chip in, BUT OH NO COULD I BE WRONG?

I guess I'll find out someday. I gotta make the first step and pop the big question first though.
 
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Budgie said:
What makes me sick is the amount and cost of toys my children get from everyone and yet no one is willing to help plan for their post-secondary education. I always refer to it as the "orgy of excess". The spouse and I both hate it and lobby against it.
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You said a mouthful. If I step on another freakin Lego or Barbie I'm going to scream (from more than the pain)!

We have gotten my family to make deposits to the kids' 529 accounts, but the Mrs' family lavish toys on the kids. It's a bit much IMO -- but you choose your battles with the in-laws very, very carefully.
 
JoshD said:
Im in the same shoes as you. I guess I just assumed they'd chip in, BUT OH NO COULD I BE WRONG?

I guess I'll find out someday. I gotta make the first step and pop the big question first though.
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You'd be amazed, after everything my Mom has done for me she's giving us a nice check and paying for the dress. The man has been married once before and we didn't expect anything from his family, but his Mom gave us money to pay for all of our deposits in cash. Of course we got "it's a waste of money" from his Dad (he's a great guy), so who knows what going on there.

I don't mind going all out for this one day (besides,we've agreed we want an open bar) and having a great party. It's mainly coming out of our pockets, but I think if I looked back on our wedding day and it hadn't been a huge celebration I'd be a tad upset. Besides, when else in your life do you have an excuse to wear a tiara? :)
 
We just celebrated our first anniversary so we have recent experience. We had the same goals as many of the posters here. Low key, but big party. Hmmm still cost a fortune. The church was only $350 for the ceremony so the getting married part is cheap. If you plan to have open bar, plan on huge bill, ours was $5K. Married and loving it.
 
Re: Tradition schmadition...

nerudite said:
After talking about marriage a lot over the summer, *I* decided to surprise Elmo and ask *him* this past weekend. And he said yes by the way, so it looks like we'll be joining the wedding clube sometime soon too.
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Congratulations and best wishes to you both!
 
Congratulations Nerudite and BME!! I hope your wedding is a wonderful celebration of your love for each other :)
 
My husband setup dinner with some friends and then told me we were going to a pub with some other friends.

Instead of the pub he took me to a commercial airport, where he had chartered an airplane to take us to look at Christmas lights. He proposed up in the air.

It was pretty amazing and definately memorable.
 
Seabishop said:
Congratulations Nerudite, but are you sure you want to marry a man whose not even in the clube? ;)
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He is in the most important clube, the canadian clube (take that chet) ;)

Congrats.

Hopefully its on the east coast., the reception would be fun. One caution though, no open bar.
 
We were travelling in Europe and had just enjoyed a great day in Salzburg. I had a plan for Paris but I was getting nervous because of complications with the security situation (1986 bombings) and the introduction of a visitor visa requirement for France (Australians were visa exempt when we left home).

Anyway, because it was such a great day - Hellbrunn Palace, Mozart Concert etc., we were walking across a pedestrian bridge over the Salzer - got down on one knee pretending to tie a shoe lace and asked. We had been dating for over 7 years and known each other for 12 so no one was surprised except future Mrs Rem. I didn't have a ring (I decided my wife should choose it seeing that she had to wear it) and didn't ask for permission (see below). We then went back to Frau Gassner's B&B which was primo accommodation relative to our standards on that trip.

JoshD said:
Is it still important for this guy to ask permission of the father to marry his daughter?
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No way - makes the fiance seem like a chattel. Ask for a blessing after the proposal because you want to be part of the family. It's what the girl says that is important, not the father.

Can you ask via telephone?
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If your twenty odd thousand kilometres away and it will be months before you're home - of course you can.

I asked after the proposal and by phone - the outlaws always liked me so I knew it would be OK. The only reaction was "about bloody time".
 
donk said:
He is in the most important clube, the canadian clube (take that chet) ;)

Congrats.

Hopefully its on the east coast., the reception would be fun. One caution though, no open bar.
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After Christmas we are going to start thinking about budgets and locations and all that jazz. There are four possibilities in my mind: my mom and dad's place in Cali in the Sierras, Bradd's aunt's B&B outside River John in N.S., here in Edmonton or screw all the planning and run off to Las Vegas. All of the locations have their advantages and disadvantages.
 
Got here kinda late. Guess laying in bed for 4 days doesn't do much for the post count....anyways.

Lisa and I were dating for about 6 months when we started talking about marraige. At that point, I started looking for rings and saving pennies. Niether of us are traditional by anymeans. I didn't ask her dad, and she was the one who brought up the whole mess;). I wasn't able to find ANYTHING in the traditional rings stores for her, so I had one custom made. It's modest, a small diamond, in white gold. Since she works with her hands(occupational Therapist), she can't have anything chucky on her hand.

I got the ring on a wednesday, the day I always came down from minneapolis to visit her. I had all these romantic ideas of what I wanted to do before asking her. You know, dinner, a walk in the park, a pretty sunset, what ever. I was actually able to hold out the night, but was coming back down that weekend. That friday, we went out to the local dive bar and slammed eachother around in the pit to some punk band, got drunk, and basically had a great time together. We woke up Saturday morning(not terribly hung over), and I just couldn't hold it anylonger. There was WAAAAAYYYY too much pressure building up. I just got this goofy smile on my face that I get when giddy happy, rolled over and grabbed the box out of my pocket. Lisa's looking at me like I'm going insane, almost worried. And I just propose to her in bed that bright sunny Saturday morning. It was great.

On another subject, our wedding was great(I could do with out the connotations of the date now[Sept 11, 1999 was the day we got hitched]). Perfect weather, outdoors. It was done in a circle, with elements of Christianity, Judaism, Indiginous, and Celtic thrown in. We had sun, wind, sprinkles, and lightening during the ceremony, all at very opportune moments in the service(almost eery). And a downpour the very moment every one got inside for the reception. And to top it all off, our wedding cost was UNDER $10k! Lisa made her own gown, the golf club was free, the food was free(memberships DO count for something!), and we found great deals on everything else.

Sorry it got so long...congrates if you actaully read the whole thing!
 
nerudite said:
or screw all the planning and run off to Las Vegas.
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If you are worried about the budget for the wedding, I would recommend this last option. I can't imagine spending thousands on a wedding. I think my elopement cost under $200, including wedding rings, blood test, marriage license, dinner and a movie -- cab fair included.

If I had had $10,000, that would have been a down payment on a house or something. I think I would have to be a millionaire to spend that kind of money on a wedding -- but dad grew up in The Great Depression, mom grew up dirt poor in a war zone and I inherited my dad's Ebenezer Scrooge genes. I don't have to be in a bad mood to have a Bah, Humbug! attitude towards Christmas. That is justification, not 'cause'. (My sister knows this and thought my webpage was really funny.)
 
nerudite said:
Yeah, I totally understand that. No matter what we do, it will likely be on a shoestring... so it will be very simple. But then, I've always thought it would be cooler to downplay the wedding itself and spend more money on having a reception party and/or really nice honeymoon. Now that I'm in my 30s, I doubt my parents will chip in to help pay for things.
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It is a total industry. We're doing pretty much just that--low-key ceremony, bigger party to celebrate. We're a few months shy of our 30's and our parents have chipped in a surprising amount, but then they're probably just glad to see us getting married at last.
And is there anything I should be warned about for open bars before the chaos ensues?
 
Plannerbabs said:
is there anything I should be warned about for open bars before the chaos ensues?
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As long as you're comfortable with the guests you've invited (e.g. no cyburbanites) you should be fine. If there are a couple of guests you think might get out of hand let the barkeep know (a couple of my wife's uncles are recovering alcoholics and had to be kept away from the bar, for their own safety).

We had an open bar at our wedding and had no probs - we only had about 70 people at our reception.
 
Tranplanner said:
If there are a couple of guests you think might get out of hand let the barkeep know (a couple of my wife's uncles are recovering alcoholics and had to be kept away from the bar, for their own safety).
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I want to second this. At one wedding I attended, the mom of the bride got really drunk and made a huge scene and things got very ugly. I think she was an alcoholic. It was a horrible experience for the couple -- particularly the new bride.
 
Tranplanner said:
As long as you're comfortable with the guests you've invited (e.g. no cyburbanites) you should be fine. If there are a couple of guests you think might get out of hand let the barkeep know (a couple of my wife's uncles are recovering alcoholics and had to be kept away from the bar, for their own safety).

We had an open bar at our wedding and had no probs - we only had about 70 people at our reception.
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Any cyburbanites want to come get out of hand? ;)

I'm not sure if we'll do open bar anymore, but mainly because I'd rather not have people doing tequila shots at our wedding reception. If I knew all of fi's freinds could grow up for the night we'd do it, but beer and wine will have to suffice.
 
Habanero said:
I'm not sure if we'll do open bar anymore, but mainly because I'd rather not have people doing tequila shots at our wedding reception. If I knew all of fi's freinds could grow up for the night wed do it, but beer and wine will have to suffice.
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Unless you want the party to end early and everyone to talk about how cheap you are then an open bar is essential.

IMO an open bar with beer and wine is fine.

That is my $0.02.

But if your not a drinker than it is understandable not to have an open bar. I've been to dry weddings where the B&Groom didn't drink, I was cool with that, but I've also been to wedding of friends who do drink, and it wasn't an open bar. Ididn't know this and only had $10 in my wallet. The recp. ended early and my and my buddies still talk about it (6 years later). This is not a good thing.
 
OH one more thing. I've also been to weddings where it was open until, say 9:0010:00pm and cash bar after than. I think that is alright.

Also close the bar during dinner and cake cutting. That is common and lessins the drinking time (and bar bill) by 1-1.5 hours.
 
I think the way we're doing it is open for a limited amt of beer and wine, and if you want anything fancier, you have to pay for it. Trying to limit the debauchery somewhat without seeming like spoilsports. It's a sort of cocktail party reception anyway.
Sorry about obsessing over, it's coming up really soon and keeps chasing other thoughts out of my head. Slightly annoying.
 
ISO-Input on diamond size and ring cost

Okay, I know there are a lot of newly weds, fiances and old time married folks here at Cyburbia.

SO, give me some input.

What kind of loot should one be expected to spend on a engagement ring?

What is a average diamond size, 1/4 caret, 1/2 caret, 3/4 caret......?

Should the ring be 100% yellow gold or is mix of gold and platinum (this I'm sure jacks up the price) more desireable?

Ladies be realistic, don't suggest a 1.5 caret diamond in a gold and platinum setting for an cost of $2500, after all I am a planner.
 
Re: ISO-Input on diamond size and ring cost

PlannerByDay said:
What kind of loot should one be expected to spend on a engagement ring?

What is a average diamond size, 1/4 caret, 1/2 caret, 3/4 caret......?

Should the ring be 100% yellow gold or is mix of gold and platinum (this I'm sure jacks up the price) more desireable?
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I think it should be what ever you two want. My wife’s engagement ring is VERY non-traditional. It is a funky antebellum ring (not that expensive) and everyone just loves it(including her) because it is soooo different. In fact, many people didn’t even believe that it was an engagement ring.

It is the promise of the engagement that is important, not the ring. :)
 
Re: Re: ISO-Input on diamond size and ring cost

H said:
I think it should be what ever you two want.
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SO then your wife was in on picking the ring. This means there was no element of suprise in the proposal????


H said:
It is the promise of the engagement that is important, not the ring. :)
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DId you get her another ring with a diamond for the wedding ring or did your engagement ring serve as a wedding ring too.

As you can see I'm clueless to this whole process and am depending on my fellow cyburianites for help.
 
Re: ISO-Input on diamond size and ring cost

PlannerByDay said:
Ladies be realistic, don't suggest a 1.5 caret diamond in a gold and platinum setting for an cost of $2500, after all I am a planner.
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Dude, you need to let us know where you can find a 1.5 karet in a platinum setting for $2500, that's less than wholesale.

My advise is to ask her what she wants. She'll be happy with the sentiment but will be even happier if you give her a ring with a cut and setting that reflects her taste. Work it into the conversation or point out something in a storefront display. She'll tell you whether or not she likes it.

Another thing that's very important to do is to shop around at a lot of different jewlery stores. You can save several hundred bucks or more by doing this. And never pay retail if you can help it.

Good luck!
 
Re: Re: Re: ISO-Input on diamond size and ring cost

PlannerByDay said:
SO then your wife was in on picking the ring. This means there was no element of suprise in the proposal????

DId you get her another ring with a diamond for the wedding ring or did your engagement ring serve as a wedding ring too.
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I surpirised her without a ring and then let her pick one out.

our wedding bands are simple wide rough surfaced white gold, I think they are very cool. she had the surfaces sanded so that scratches wont show. But we only wear them on formal occasions really. However she wears the engagement ring everyday still. There are some small stones on the engagement ring that I plan to replace with nicer ones down the road for an aniversary or special occasion of sorts.

I am might be a bad example because I am sorta non-traditional, but it all works for us. My point is, do what works for you two, not what you think you 'have' to do.
 
Re: Re: ISO-Input on diamond size and ring cost

biscuit said:
Dude, you need to let us know where you can find a 1.5 karet in a platinum setting for $2500, that's less than wholesale.
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Dude, didn't you read my previous post. I'm clueless about this whole thing.

I plan on getting out and looking in the next couple weeks, that's why I posted. Thanks for the input though.
 
yes, to echo, shop around and bargain hard...there is a huge mark up on new jewelry. Also look in antique stores if that route interests you, they bargain as well. just either way...bargain your ear off :p

Good luck.
 
I surprised my wife, but I already had an idea of what she'd like. Thankfully, I knew she didn't want a bling-bling diamond!!! I picked out a nice white gold ring with a small diamond and two emeralds either side. She loved it.

We got matching wedding bands, white gold with yellow gold trim.
 
Re: Re: Re: ISO-Input on diamond size and ring cost

Wanigas? said:
You mean one can negotiate the price of an engagement ring?!!
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You can negotiate the price of just about anything when you're talking that kind of cash. Retailers make a lot of their money based on consumer ignorance. So you will almost always get a better deal when you are familiar with how diamonds are graded (color, cut, clarity, blah, blah, blah...) and how one ring compares to aothers at different stores. It can take alot of time but can save you lots of money.

Knowing the right people also helps.
My brother-in-law's grandparents own a small business and this allows them to go to mercanitile marts - the same ones that jewelry stores shop at. I asked a little favor and was able to get the future Mrs. Biscuit a decent rock in a custom setting without the 300% retail price mark up.

In next weeks lesson on how to survive on a planners salary I'll tell you how I got a killer deal on my new (used) car. ;-)
 
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Bargain no matter how much you are spending. If you (or her) want platinum, be prepared to spend. Try white gold instead. My wife only wanted one ring, not the set, so she got the diamond in an engagement setting (surpirse factor) then we chose her ring.
 
Hey Plannerbabs:
I was reading back through this thread and noticed that you had a wedding scheduled about two weeks back. So let me be the first to say congratulations. I know you're glad to be done with the planning and I hope everything went well.

Pictures will have to be posted. :)
 
My ring was custom-made based on a design picked by me (and him) and I love it! He knew I was going to be picky about it so really it was the only option for us.

If you are friends with any of her friends USE THEM - chances are they have talked about rings - or if nothing else - ugly rings.
 
when i walked that road...it as a 3/4k round cut in a tiffany setting 14k gold. about $1250. but when i broke things off, i only got about $700 selling in the classifieds.
 
jmf said:
If you are friends with any of her friends USE THEM - chances are they have talked about rings - or if nothing else - ugly rings.
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Excellent idea. I'm becoming closer with her friends and her friends husbands. Infact, call me crazy but I'm going ice fishin with one of her friends husbands tomorrow.

Anyhow back on topic. Good idea, I think I'll go out and look around and pick out a couple then grab her and show her what I was thinking to get her opinion.
 
GeogPlanner said:
when i walked that road...it as a 3/4k round cut in a tiffany setting 14k gold. about $1250. but when i broke things off, i only got about $700 selling in the classifieds.
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Thanks GeogPlanner, This is exactly the kind of info I was looking for. What should I expect to pay for what. Sorry to hear things didn't work out for you, but I'm sure it was for the better.
 
biscuit said:
Hey Plannerbabs:
I was reading back through this thread and noticed that you had a wedding scheduled about two weeks back. So let me be the first to say congratulations. I know you're glad to be done with the planning and I hope everything went well.

Pictures will have to be posted. :)
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Thanks! Everything went really well, better even than expected. Will have to post pictures (with faces blurred to protect the innocent) when they come back.
 
A friend got a good deal on a custom ring by going to a jeweler and picking one out that had been designed for someone else and never picked up.

A few other friends have had good luck picking up used/estate jewelery at mid/high end galleries.
 
Would some of you guys take my bf by the hand and help him shop? He has been hinting around trying to find out what I like but the boy is clueless when it comes to whats a good deal and whats not. Course I cant get him to understand he could just take me and Ill pick it out ;-) Afterall Tiff's is right down the street! Ha! Yha right.
 
Smuggling Tips

Okay folks, I gotta ring

I just put 50% down and will be picking it up in about 2 weeks when it is done and paying for the rest. Now I need some tips on smuggling it through the airport with out her seeing it.

Here is the deal. We are going on vacation together, our first week long vacation together, and I want to pop the question to her while we are on vacation.

I need some ideas as to how I can get the ring through airport security without her seeing it. I spent a lot on the ring and don't want to check it in with my luggage so I need some way to get it through security in my carry on luggage or on me personally, but in the event I'm searched or my luggage is searched how can I keep her from seeing it?

I need some suggestions. Help?
 
There's a trick favored by heroin smugglers that involves putting the ring in a condom, tying the end in a knot, and then taking it and... well, maybe that's not not something you'd feel comfortable doing either. ;-)

One suggestion, if you're familiar with the place you will be staying is to have the ring Fed-Ex'd to your destination before you arrive. Just remember to take out the insurance on it.
 
stick it in the bag because she won't be seeing what the security see on the X-ray screen.

if your bag gets searched, just distract her while they are going through it and if they ask what is in the small hard case, I don't know.

I say keep her distracted.

EDIT: Biscuit is smart. Do what he suggests, not me. :-D
 
Can't believe I havn't posted to this yet

I was nearing college graduation and had just secured my first after college job. I had been looking at cars for a couple weeks leading up to this point, dragging Mrs. Boiker along. She grew tired of late afternoon visits to car dealerships and knew I'd buy something soon. Also during this time, we frequently changed the greeting on my cell phone to say stupid things.. you know like "Ed is dumb" or "Not a phone" or a random simpson one liner. We always got a crack out of it.

She was in college at the time and she had a full day of classes. So I packed up our son and drove out to look at rings. I figured she wouldn't be home till later, so when i got home, she'd be none the wiser. We'll her classes got cancelled for the rest of the day and she called me on my cell when she got home to see where we were at. I was in the jewelery store, buying the ring when she called and told her that I was looking at cars. She told me that I don't need to be looking at cars anymore.. Then I told her..we'll we won't have to look for cars anymore. At this point I had her sufficently pissed off. I, left without letting her know I was going to "look at cars", I was "making a major purchase" without her knowledge and I was about an hour away. I told her to just wait till I get home, she's going to love the car.

I got home, she is pissed off at me and laying on the couch. I went up to her and said, sorry it took me so long, take a look at the new message on the phone. She grabbed it and turned on the phone to view the message which read "Will you marry me?" She looked up to see me on one knee with the ring in hand. A "yes" and crying ensued.

It was really a perfect way for us to get engaged, being that we're not overly traditional in the romantic sense.
 
boiker said:
I was nearing college graduation and had just secured my first after college job. I had been looking at cars for a couple weeks leading up to this point, dragging Mrs. Boiker along. She grew tired of late afternoon visits to car dealerships and knew I'd buy something soon. Also during this time, we frequently changed the greeting on my cell phone to say stupid things.. you know like "Ed is dumb" or "Not a phone" or a random simpson one liner. We always got a crack out of it.

She was in college at the time and she had a full day of classes. So I packed up our son and drove out to look at rings. I figured she wouldn't be home till later, so when i got home, she'd be none the wiser. We'll her classes got cancelled for the rest of the day and she called me on my cell when she got home to see where we were at. I was in the jewelery store, buying the ring when she called and told her that I was looking at cars. She told me that I don't need to be looking at cars anymore.. Then I told her..we'll we won't have to look for cars anymore. At this point I had her sufficently pissed off. I, left without letting her know I was going to "look at cars", I was "making a major purchase" without her knowledge and I was about an hour away. I told her to just wait till I get home, she's going to love the car.

I got home, she is pissed off at me and laying on the couch. I went up to her and said, sorry it took me so long, take a look at the new message on the phone. She grabbed it and turned on the phone to view the message which read "Will you marry me?" She looked up to see me on one knee with the ring in hand. A "yes" and crying ensued.

It was really a perfect way for us to get engaged, being that we're not overly traditional in the romantic sense.
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did you smoke while you did it? :p

Congrats Plannerbabs! We've got about 7 months left and I'm going out of my mind waiting!
 
My husband was loaded and asked me while sitting in the car in front of the Mini-mart...not the most romantic spot but he was sincere.
 
If you are really GQ, you could stick the ring in your small, travel jewelry case with all your other jewelry -- the needle in a haystack principle. Or maybe buy a box of chocolates and stick it on one of the chocololates -- the reverse of the old movie standby of taking a ring off a chocolate or a paper "ring" off a cigar as an impromptu wedding ring (a la "A walk in the clouds" and, I think, "Hello Dolly"). The key to pulling something like this off is make it seem ever so ordinary, normal, etc. -- such that the odds are fair to middlin' that she could look right at it and think of nothing of it.
 
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