Humor 🤣 Dad Jokes

[fringe]

I hear this conspiracy theory about the government inserting chips in your body. If its true, I'd like mine to be Doritos Cool Ranch or Cheddar Cheese Ruffles.

El Ranchero for me.

 

[Maister]

How many DIY buffs does it take to change a light bulb? One, but it takes two weeks and four trips to the hardware store.

 

[fringe]

Introduced to a lady I had not seen in ten years named Denise, (...you remember Denise...) I said, "Oh yes, your are denephew's sister!"

 

[bureaucrat#3]

How many DIY buffs does it take to change a light bulb? One, but it takes two weeks and four trips to the hardware store.

This one hits a little too close to home.

 

[Doohickie]

 

[Doohickie]

 

[MD Planner]

We interviewed a guy yesterday and asked him if he can perform under pressure.


He said no, but he does a great Bohemian Rhapsody.


I'll see myself out

 

[Doohickie]

 

[Doohickie]

 

[Doohickie]

 

[Planit]

What kind of tree fits in your hand?

A palm tree









thank you very much

 

[Gedunker]

Today I saw a dwarf climbing down a prison wall.
I thought to myself, that's a little condescending.

 

[jumbach]

We interviewed a guy yesterday and asked him if he can perform under pressure.


He said no, but he does a great Bohemian Rhapsody.


I'll see myself out

He's just a poor boy from a poor family!!!! He killed a man!!!

 

[Maister]

I've asked a lot of people what LGBTQ stands for. So far, no one has given me a straight answer.

 

[Doohickie]

 

[Doohickie]

 

[Doohickie]

 

[Maister]

I have a joke about time travel,

but you didn’t like it.

 

[DVD]

I have a joke about retirement, but it doesn't wokr.

 

[jumbach]

Of all the inventions in the last century, the whiteboard is the most remarkable.

 

[Planit]

Once I told a chemistry joke.

There was no reaction.

 

[MD Planner]

What kinds of birds always stick together?

Velcros!

I'll see myself out

 

[fringe]

One time I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken

 

[Doohickie]

 

[Doohickie]

 

[Doohickie]

 

[Doohickie]

Angry? Really Maister?

 

[Maister]

Angry? Really Maister?

Yes, who likes it when they forget to include your rice? I know I'm not happy.

 

[Doohickie]

Yes, who likes it when they forget to include your rice? I know I'm not happy.

Don't worry, no rice was harmed in the making of that meme.

 

[MD Planner]

Don't worry, no rice was harmed in the making of that meme.

Rice is great when you're hungry for 3,000 of something.

apologies to Mitch Hedberg

 

[Maister]

Rice is great when you're hungry for 3,000 of something.

apologies to Mitch Hedberg

I once had a Korean roommate and he told me about the first time he had ice cream was in the US. He said he was used to having thousands of little things in his stomach when eating and the sensation of having one big glob of frozen ice cream was too much and he hurled.

 

[Whose Yur Planner]

I once had a Korean roommate and he told me about the first time he had ice cream was in the US. He said he was used to having thousands of little things in his stomach when eating and the sensation of having one big glob of frozen ice cream was too much and he hurled.

I can relate a little. I've cut way back on my sweets. As a result, I've lost my taste for sweets. I still eat sweet things occasionally, but find things overtly sweet now.

 

[jumbach]

My partner said I have no sense of direction. I got mad, packed up my stuff, and right.

 

[MD Planner]

Why don't people in Greece like to get up with the sun?



Because Dawn is hard on Grease!

 

[jumbach]

What do people in Greece do on their birthdays?

Slide around a lot!

 

[Doohickie]

 

[Maister]

What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.

 

[jumbach]

How do you keep your bacon from curling in the pan?

Take away its brooms!!

 

[jumbach]

How do you get 32 Canadians out of a pool?

Say, "Please get out of the pool!"

 

[jumbach]

Where are the trees in Newfoundland?

Between the twos and fours!

 

[Doohickie]

 

[Doohickie]

 

[fringe]

View attachment 62937

Ugh...

 

[jumbach]

A gymnast walks into a bar . . .

And loses two points and a chance at a medal.

 

[Doohickie]

 

[Doohickie]

 

[DVD]

How did the frog die?

He kermit suicide.

 

[Doohickie]

 

[Doohickie]

I ain't afraid of no goats!

 

[Doohickie]