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Family 👪 What will you never forgive your parents for?

The Terminator

The Terminator

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In August of 1991, Paul Simon played a free concert in Central Park. I dont like Paul as a person (Mr. Thumb his nose at the Anti-Aparthied movement look at me im friends with Chevy Chase!) but I quite enjoy his solo career catalog.

My dad had yuppie work friends who definitely were there and I think my Uncle Bob also went. I conveniently was born in April 1991, and would have FLIPPED To have seen "Rhythm of the Saints" era Paul live.

They also wouldn't get me a Dreamcast in 1999, oh no so tragic, what a horrible deprived childhood!

Ill never forgive em dog gone it!!

What are some parental traumas you will never get over?
 
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Never telling me I had ADHD, until I was diagnosed in my 30s and told them about it. "Oh, we know. Dr. Hanaford diagnosed you when you were seven years old." I was prescribed Ritalin, and it worked ... too well. I didn't turn into a zombie, but so many of those ADHD symptoms that were holding me back in so many ways were alleviated. However, my parents decided they liked the "old Danny" better, so they stopped the meds. They stopped treatment for a selfish reason, not for what was in my best interest.

I always felt like I was on the outside looking in; like there was something wrong with me, but nobody would tell me what it was. I only realized after reading a newsaper article about ADHD, and thought "holy shit, that's ME!" I got a formal diagnosis a couple weeks later.

If they had, I would have made it so much further in life; I wouldn't have been crippled by awkwardness and brain fog for so long. I might have realized all that "potential" people said I had.

The other thing: my parents really infantilized me. They didn't really believe in me; that I could make sound decisions by myself. They were very protective, but it had the result of ny never really feeling like a "real grownup". I second-guess every decision I make to this day. CBT and DBT helps, but it'll take years to untangle the wiring of my brain and get something more organized in its place; something that will make me feel more confident..
 
While there are things that I disagreed with my parents on, and still disagree with my dad on today (mom passed away around 16 years ago), I don't think there is anything that I would say that I haven't forgiven my parents on. Not because they did something different, but because I realize that it isn't worth the grudge.

There are still several things that I don't agree with my dad on today and we have arguments about those, but he is who he is and there is nothing that I can do to change that.
 
I'm not quite grasping how TT won't forgive his parents for not taking him to a concert when he was 4 months old, but whatever. . . . .

I can't think of anything that I haven't forgiven my parents for. I had disagreements like everyone of course but that's life.
 
No substantive complaints about my parents. Never got the Nike Cortez shoes, or Izod/Polo shirts that were in style, even though my parents had adequate finances. Parents never spent outlandishly. They have have since moved that needle some in the years they have been retired. Pension alone, my dad gets $8k a month. They made good money in their careers (teacher>businessman and a nurse) so I never lacked for much. But they were more a penny pincher and to a point, still are.. They visited a few months ago and stayed in a local hotel. The one next to where they stayed was much better - 1996 vs 2021 - and a few dollars more. I suggested this to them and they said why, only sleeping there so why pay more.

Get back to me once they pass and I see the will. Supposedly we are all in at 25% but with their faith, and mine which does no match theirs (which I don't think they know) who knows.
 
My parents did the best they could, and were good parents.

I'm not going back in time to uncover things they did that made me unhappy, angry or disappointed. It's not worth my energy.
 
MD Planner said:
I'm not quite grasping how TT won't forgive his parents for not taking him to a concert when he was 4 months old, but whatever. . . . .

I can't think of anything that I haven't forgiven my parents for. I had disagreements like everyone of course but that's life.
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Because I am being tongue-in-cheek, I thought it was obvious lol

4 month old me would have been chillin' backstage with Paul & Chevy Chase.
 
Any self esteem issues I have stem from my dad telling me I can't because [insert reason]. Usually I'm not smart enough or I have no experience with that. I'm a kid, of course I have no experience with that. That's what I'm trying to learn. I'm much better now, but there is always self doubt in the back of my mind.
 
Both of my mine were rather deficient in some areas as parents, but the same is true of me and my wife. I'm pretty sure the same was true of my grandparents and their parents as well.

You know, good parenting is a human skill that's in very short supply. "Good parents" are the exception, not the rule in my experiences.
 
We joked when we left the hospital with The Girl that they didn't give us a handbook on child raising - all they said was here's your kid, bye.


Dad didn't take care of himself & passed 32 years ago.
 
On the reverse, I said something to my son (19) a few weeks ago I'm sure he will never forget. I did apologize the next day but what was said was said. Was I wrong? Yes. Did he deserve it? Absolutely. We have butted heads more than I care for. I see a lot of me in him, which is the problem.
 
We went white water rafting as a family, including older sibs, when I was 8ish. I freaked out when I fell out of the boat and they kept floating away. They all thought it was pretty funny. I wonder where my fear of abandonment comes from.
 
I'll never forgive them for making me awesome!

meme_RonBurgundy_Imabig deal.jpg


:cool: :brofist: ;)
 
I used to have an exhaustive list, distilled through 15 years of therapy and reflection, but have since placed those in a different part of my psyche. Since becoming a parent myself, I can only pay it forward. Knowing more of my parents' histories and struggles, I can see where they fell short in some things, but I have since forgiven these indiscretions and moved away from victimhood. The only thing I can control is me... and my approach to the world.

That being said, I really wanted to see Home Alone 2 in the theater and thought my mom's denial of that in the morning was a hair trigger response to me just being a 10 year old.
 
zman said:
I used to have an exhaustive list, distilled through 15 years of therapy and reflection, but have since placed those in a different part of my psyche. Since becoming a parent myself, I can only pay it forward. Knowing more of my parents' histories and struggles, I can see where they fell short in some things, but I have since forgiven these indiscretions and moved away from victimhood. The only thing I can control is me... and my approach to the world.
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If I didn't know any better I'd say it sounds like someone has adopted stoicism as a personal philosophy. Marcus Aurelius gives you two thumbs up!

Rise Up Time GIF by Stoicism
 
zman said:
I used to have an exhaustive list, distilled through 15 years of therapy and reflection, but have since placed those in a different part of my psyche. Since becoming a parent myself, I can only pay it forward. Knowing more of my parents' histories and struggles, I can see where they fell short in some things, but I have since forgiven these indiscretions and moved away from victimhood. The only thing I can control is me... and my approach to the world.

That being said, I really wanted to see Home Alone 2 in the theater and thought my mom's denial of that in the morning was a hair trigger response to me just being a 10 year old.
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In one Vonnegut novel, (I forget which one), the story included a law that children could sue their parents for doing a lousy job.
 
JNA said:
Only a regret - my Father dying so young.
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My mother was orphaned as a teen because of TB. My father died in a plane crash on my third birthday. Later she married a wife beater and refused to talk about every incident after.
 
My mom let me go see Invasion of the Body Snatchers in the theater with my older brother and his friends when I was six years old. Nightmare fuel for five years, I would lay in bed every night frightened and wishing and hoping there wasn’t a pod under my bed. Every. Single. Night.

IMG_0813.jpeg


IMG_0811.jpeg
 
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